


Disparate Pieces

by aldeeraan



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Kylo Ren is an ass, Lawyers, Misunderstandings, Modern AU, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy, Unbeta'd, What's new, and he is her boss, and maybe smut, every trope under the sun, happy ending i swear, mentions of abuse (snoke), smut has arrived, stormpilot sprinkled on top, there is plenty of angst, this is not going to go well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-03-10 13:25:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 66,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13502428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aldeeraan/pseuds/aldeeraan
Summary: Rey begins her new job as a freshly graduated Paralegal. It’s only her first day and everything seems to be going wrong after she runs into a mysterious man in a coffee shop. He’s tall, handsome, and a complete asshole but for some reason she can’t help but feel drawn to him.–Kylo Ren swears he knows the fiery brunette that he ran into one Monday morning. When she shows up in his Law firm, his plans start crumbling to pieces as he begins to realise that she is Rey. His Rey, who he had spent years trying to forget.





	1. 0815

Rey is jolted awake from a dreamless sleep by her alarm blaring from across the room. She groans as she flips over and grabs her pillow in an attempt to drown out the sound. The alarm eventually stops and she can’t pinpoint exactly when she dozes off again but she does. She is awakened a second time by the sound of pots dropping onto the kitchen floor. Rey turns to look at the time.

 

**_0730_ **

****

“Fuck!” Rey screeches when she realises what the time is. “Fuck, fuck. FUCK!” She hops around the room, cursing as she pulls on her dress pants and blouse. She runs between her bedroom and the bathroom as she attempts to straighten her hair and pull on her ballet flats.

 

Rey grumbles when her hair wouldn’t cooperate. She finally gives up and leaves it in a half up style, giving up on trying to put it into a bun. She bolts down the hallway nearly knocking Finn over on the way through.

 

“Whoa, Rey. Slow down.” Finn laughs at her panicked state as he sips on his coffee.

 

“I can’t, Finn.” Rey hisses in response. “I’m going to be late for my first day.” Rey forcibly tucks her white blouse into her pants.

 

Finn looks at his watch. “It’s only 0800.”

 

“Yes and I have to be there at 0830 for an induction. Oh my god, I’m gonna be fired on my first day.”  Rey hits her palm against her head in an attempt to slow the growing headache.

 

Finn puts down his coffee and walks over to her. He grabs her wrist and looks her in the eye. “Rey, you’ll be fine. You’ve got this. You’re not going to be late. It’s literally five minutes down the road.” Rey takes in a shaky breath and nods. “Do me a favour and go get yourself a coffee on the way, before you go insane.” Rey smiles in appreciation, Finn always knew what to say. It had been like that since college. They had met at a seminar one day and they just seemed to click, and have been inseparable since.

 

Finn gives her peck on the forehead and Rey runs out the door. She really hated her dingy apartment in times like this. With no elevator, she has to run down the stairs, bag in hand and in uncomfortable ballet flats. She really wishes that she was able to wear her trusty converse and jeans to work.

 

 If she is going to make it to work on time and get a coffee beforehand, she is going to have to power walk. The streets of Seattle are always buzzing and early morning is the worst. However, everyone else was in a rush and she manages to drift into the crowd of people filing down the street. The closest Starbucks is just on the corner from her new building which is extremely convenient. Rey looks at her phone, she still had twenty minutes. Plenty of time to down her usual mocha with cream and cinnamon.

 

 _Thank god the line isn’t long_ Rey thinks to herself as she turns into the shop. Rey decides it was best to utilise the time by checking her emails. She was so caught up in reading and rereading the email from First Order regarding her first day, that she hadn’t noticed that the line had moved. The first thing she notices is a man who was clearly not in front of her before. In a huff, she taps him on the shoulder.

 

He turns quickly and she suddenly realises how close she is standing to him. He towers over her. She can’t believe it; she is tall but this man is a tree. Raven waves come to rest on his shoulders and blend into his all-black suit. His defined jaw is slightly off centre and his nose is almost out of proportion to his face. But somehow it seemed to work. He is quite attractive, striking really. He raises an eyebrow and Rey can’t tell if it was to prompt her to spit it out or a sign of annoyance.

 

Rey gulps at dry air. “You pushed in.” Rey says shakily. She hates confrontation, and ironically it was her dream to become a lawyer.

 

The man scoffs. “You lost your spot when you had your nose buried in your phone.” His long pale fingers tap her phone screen. She pulls her hand back, clutching her phone defensively. Suddenly, he didn’t seem so attractive to her anymore.

 

“Excuse me?” Rey is pissed, her previous nervousness suddenly disappearing. _Who did this guy think he was._ “Anyone with common courtesy would have told me that the line had moved and not just pushed in.”

 

“Next please.” The cashier calls out, breaking the tension between the two strangers. The man’s lips curve slightly and Rey clenches her jaw.

 

“Yeah, well I guess that’s not me.” The man turns sharply on his heel and Rey stands there completely flabbergasted. Her rage causing her to slightly tremble.

 

“Ass.” She says under her breath. She could’ve sworn she sees him flinch. If he had heard her, he didn’t retaliate. Rey looks at her phone again, _0815._ Rey grabs her coffee without taking a second glance at the man. If she ever saw him again, she would probably strangle him with her bare hands.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Rey looks up at the building in front of her. The thing is huge. It has to be at least 30 storeys tall. Across the entrance, **_FIRST ORDER_** is transcribed in black caps.

 

Rey takes in a shaky breath. “This is it, Rey.” She says to herself. “You can do this. You are going to be the best damn Paralegal that they have ever had.” She closes her eyes as she crosses the threshold. Upon opening her eyes, she realised that it was more ornate than she had remembered from her interview, not that she remembers much of that day. The whole thing was a blur as she spent the entire day on the verge of a panic attack.

 

Everything is white; the tiles, the walls. She can see her reflection in the glossy tiles. God, she looks like a mess. What was the point of even straightening her hair when it just went back to it’s normal frizzy state? She notices all the furnishings were stark black. The lounges, the desks, the vases… _everything_.

 

Rey checks the email again, although she already knows the floor. She had known from the other twenty times she has checked. _0825._

 

“Shit, shit.” Rey curses. She begins to run over to the elevators, hoping to make it into the one about to leave. She is so close, just a few steps but it is too late. The doors begin to close and that’s when she notices _him_. She can’t believe her eyes. _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

 

“You again.” Rey grits through her teeth and the man's head snaps up. His dark eyes completely unreadable. He maintains eye contact as the door shut entirely. Rey could have sworn she sees him smirk.

 

She can’t control her anger. “I swear to god, if I ever see you again….” Rey begins to trail off, she didn’t know where she was going with that threat anyway.

 

Rey stands impatiently, tapping her foot as she watches the minutes disappear. Finally, the elevator lights up and she shuffles inside. Taking a deep breath, she hits the button labelled 28.

 

\---------------------------------------------

 

“You must be Rey. I’m Rose Tico. I’ll be showing you around this morning.” The tiny woman holds her hand out to Rey. Rose’s smile alone had already begun to ease her nerves. Rey knew instantly that they were going to get along. If even a few of her colleagues were half as bubbly and energetic as Rose, she may okay after all.

 

“Great. It’s nice to meet you.” Rey shakes her hand and returns her smile.

 

“Okay, first thing’s first. This here is the main reception. This is where a lot of the main paperwork is done, faxing, phone calls, excreta. You don’t have to worry about that too much seeing that you are a paralegal.” They stop in front of a large desk. There would have been at least ten people answering phones. Rey couldn’t tell if the rest of the people were receptionists or lawyers.

 

“Over here on the left are the offices for the Associates. We currently have 50 working for us on this floor alone.” Rey’s attention is pulled over to the room that is filled with cubicles.

 

“Wow.” Rey breathes out as she looks at the rows of people already working.

 

“Yeah, there’s a lot. We are the biggest law firm in the world.” Rose shrugs her shoulders.

 

“Next to that we have the printer room. As you can see there are a lot of computers and printers.” Rey’s mouth hangs open, she had never seen so much technology in one room. “Over on the right we have the kitchen. You are welcome to bring whatever you like, just be aware that things like to go missing out of the fridges.” Rose lets out a stifled laugh.

 

“In the middle here is the conference room. We hold majority of our meetings here. The big meetings are held a couple of floors down.” Rose points to the floor for effect and Rey just nods as she tries to store all this information in her head for later.

 

“Now, over here we have the offices for the three partners. As I’m sure you’ve read up on them.” Rey blushes. She is embarrassed to admit that she only knew their names from Finn. “Hux, Phasma, and Kylo work closely together. They do not own the firm, that’s Snoke, but they do control everything that goes on around here. Do not bug them. They do not have time to be bothered with whatever you are working on. They take the big cases, the ones worth billions.”

 

“I could only wish to see that amount of money in my lifetime.” Rey sighs.

 

“Just a word of warning about the three of them. Phasma is the nicest of the lot. If you need anything, go to her, but don’t if you can avoid it. Hux is a bit of a snake. He’ll turn on you in a heartbeat but he is completely loyal to Snoke. Kylo is the biggest ass of the three. Steer clear of him. Get on his bad side and he’ll make your life hell.” Rey gulps at the lump in her throat and nods. She can’t believe Rose is speaking of her bosses like this to a new employee, a complete stranger. They really must be terrible people. They continue walking down the hall.  

 

“Ah, speak of the demons.” Rey looks up at Rose and follows her gaze to land on three people sitting around a table. They are clearly arguing about something. The ginger- haired man stands defiantly, trying to convince the other two of his case. The blonde woman is yelling right back at him. Rey’s eyes focus on the man slouched over in his chair, obviously unamused by the situation. His hand covers the majority of his face but Rey could recognise that hair anywhere, it is the man from the coffee shop.

 

Rey’s breath catches in her throat as she watches him carefully. That man that she had argued with twice this morning was Kylo Ren…her boss. Shit, she was in so much trouble.

 

Kylo Ren chooses that moment to look up from his hand and his dark eyes land on Rey. Rey’s eyes widen in terror when she notices the recognition wash across his features. His lips turn to form a single word. Rey can’t hear him but there is no uncertainty about what he had said. **_“You.”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's Outfit](https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/560416747365755254/)  
>   
> 
> [First Order Lobby](https://img2.cgtrader.com/items/773790/10ff2e453c/banking-hall-and-office-lobby-3d-model-low-poly-max.jpg)
> 
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> 
> Sorry this chapter is quite short. I will be making them longer in the future. I haven't decided how many chapters this will be yet, probably around 10. This is unbeta'd so I apologise for mistakes and I take full responsibility for them. I couldn't get this idea out of my head and I had to write it. I was tossing up whether to write AU or in line with canon. I couldn't bring myself to write canon because it creates too many head-canons for me and then I get disappointed when they don't happen. Maybe one day I will write one. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Come check out my tumblr if you'd like- aldeeraan
> 
>  


	2. a new storm is building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is settling in to her new job but she still can't escape her boss.

Kylo Ren chooses that moment to look up from his hand and his dark eyes land on Rey. Rey’s eyes widen in terror when she notices the recognition wash across his features. His lips turn to form a word. Rey can’t hear him but there is no doubt what he had said. **_“You.”_**

 

Rose’s words echo in her head, _get on his bad side and he’ll make your life hell._

 

Kylo Ren holds Rey’s gaze, neither of them blinking. Rey is too frightened to look away, too mesmerised by the man sitting several feet from her. With only a pane of glass separating them, it doesn’t feel like enough.

 

“Rey.” Rose presses but Rey still can’t tear her eyes away, worried what would happen if she did.

 

“Rey, come on. I’ll show you to your office.” Rey turns her head quickly to face Rose.

 

“Wait, I get my own office?” Rey’s eyes widen.

 

“Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing fancy.” Rose smiles at her excitement.

 

“But still, my own office.” Rey tries to calm herself but internally she is ready to skip around the office. Rose begins walking and beckons Rey to follow her. Rey freezes on the spot, unsure whether to look back at Kylo Ren. Unable to stop herself, she turns slowly. His eyes are still on her and the same blank expression is lacing his features. She tears herself away and runs after Rose.

 

“Here it is.” Rose gestures towards the small room in front of her. Rey scans the room through the glass. The room is quite small but it is enough. A black desk sits in the centre with three white chairs tucked underneath. An empty bookcase stands on the far wall and that is all that fills the space. Rey smiles, she could make this work.

 

 “You are just across the hall from Kylo Ren, so don’t do anything dodgy. He will definitely see. Hux and Phasma are in the offices just down the hall.” Rey turns on her heel to see the large office across from her own. _Thank god it is empty. Of course it’s empty, Rey. He was just in that other room_. She flinches at the memory.

 

“Do you have any questions?” Rose pulls her back into reality. Rey bites her lip as she tries to think of something to ask. There are too many questions flying around her head to just pick one.

 

“Uhm, just one. What exactly am I meant to be doing?” Rey’s cheeks burn. She hopes that didn’t sound as stupid to Rose as it did to her.

 

Rose chuckles. “Don’t worry, everything is on your desk. Good luck and if you have any questions just come and see me at the front desk.” Rose uses her thumb to point over her shoulder, towards the desk.

 

“Thank you.” The words didn’t feel enough to express the gratitude that Rey had for Rose. After weeks of worrying, she didn’t feel all that bad anymore. Rose smiles one more time and left Rey standing alone in the hallway.

 

Rey shuffles into her new office and takes in a shaky breath. She walks around her desk, and her fingertips lightly graze the polished wood. Her eyes scan quickly over the piles of papers on her desk. There is no window in her office but there is enough light from the hallway to brighten up the room. She makes a mental note that she needs to invest in some plants and decorations. The place looks far too miserable for her liking.

 

Rey slides into the chair and it is much comfier than her one at home. Rey carefully reads the document that is on the top. It explains in detail how to log on to the computer, along with the computer etiquette. All the rest was general stuff like emergency information, policies, and procedures.

 

She begins to chew on her pen as she nervously looks over at the office across from her own. He still isn’t in there. This is a good sign. Perhaps he doesn’t spend much time in there.

 

She unpacks everything from her bag, placing her pens neatly on her right side. Her water bottle sits directly in front of her but slightly to the right. She rearranges the papers into separate piles and moves her pens again. Sighing, she realises that she is just putting off the inevitable. She has to start work sometime. Rey logs into the computer and begins filing through the dozens of emails that have already been sent to her and suddenly she realises that she won’t be going home early tonight.

 

Rey jumps in her chair when someone clears their throat. She hadn’t even noticed them come in. Correction, they had just let themselves into her office. Of course she wasn’t going to know they were there.

 

She tears her eyes away from the screen to look at whoever had barged into her office. Her heart rate speeds up, she didn’t even think that was possible after the near heart attack she had just had. Staring back at her were those dark, expressionless eyes again. It is him.

 

Rey has a new found courage after she remembers the events of this morning. She hates him and now he’s just added another reason to the list.

 

“Have you ever heard of knocking? It’s something you do when you walk into someone else’s space.” Rey pushes up from her desk. Her palms stretched out on the wood and she closes the space between herself and Kylo. Kylo’s gaze flickers between her eyes and he takes a step back. Rey smirks, she has the high ground.

 

“I own this whole floor and everything in it. This room is mine. I technically own you. Those rules don’t apply to me.” Kylo begins to walk around her desk. Oh no, she is no longer winning this argument. He stops just out of arm’s reach and Rey turns slightly to look at him.  She stands defiantly with her chin in the air, never breaking eye contact.

 

“It’s just common courtesy. Although after this morning, I am aware that you severely lack manners. Do you purposely go out of your way to piss people off?” Rey crosses her arms over her chest. Kylo looks at the floor, in thought. If he was offended by her statement, he didn’t show it.

 

“Careful there, I’m still your boss. And besides, I’m sure the last time we saw each other, you threatened me.” Rey cocks her head at him, confused. “I’m sure you said something along the lines of ‘I swear to god, if I ever see you again.’” He smirks. “Where were you going with that _, Miss Niima_?” His eyes narrow as he accentuates her name.

 

“Nowhere. I was just having a bad morning. It meant nothing.” Rey speaks quickly. She knows she is treading on dangerous ground. He can fire her with the snap of his fingers. She studies his face as she tries to deflect the conversation. “How do you know my name?”

 

“I make it my business to know everything that goes on around here. And as someone who works in a law firm, I suggest that you don’t make empty threats. Don’t say anything that you aren’t going to follow through with. Although, I recommend you don’t go through with that particular threat. I’ll have your career and reputation on a plate.” Rey’s mouth drops, he just threatened her. He smirks and turns his back to her. She stands frozen as he retraces his previous steps, towards the door.

 

“Right. I’ll remember that for next time.” She calls after him.

 

He stops suddenly and looks over his shoulder. “Enjoy your day, Miss Niima. I don’t expect that you will have many more with us.” Before she can answer him, he is out the door.

 

“Ass.” Rey whispers. She strides over to the window to see where he went but the halls are empty.

 

\----------------------------

 

Rey struggles to relax for the rest of the day. Between the piles of paperwork on her desk, and sitting in fear that Kylo Ren will return to fire her, she is on the verge of tears.

 

She had eaten her lunch in her office as she was too nervous to mingle today. She told herself that she had to eat in the tea room tomorrow. She was not going to be known as the pretentious paralegal who is too important to associate with others.

 

Rose had visited her once after lunch to check on how she was settling in. She told her that she was fine and promised that she would confide in her if any problems arose. She felt bad that she hadn’t made an effort to get to know Rose yet. She knew her name and that was about it. She made a mental note to also fix that tomorrow.

 

Rey had made it through three quarters of the pile on her desk when she looks up at the clock. _1645._

 

There is no way she would be out of here before six. She had already noticed that the office had started to quiet down. Rey takes that moment to look over to Kylo’s office. He still wasn't in there, and as far as she could tell, he hadn’t been in there all day. She wonders where he could possibly spend all his time. She isn’t complaining though, it meant that she is less likely to be threatened again.

 

\-------------------------

 

1830

 

Rey is still in the office and she is getting agitated. She sends a quick message to Finn to tell him that she won’t be home for another hour or so. She needs coffee desperately. Rey properly ventures out of her office for the first time today. Sure she had been to the front and desk and the toilet but she hadn't had the chance to explore. Walking around the corner, she notices the rest of the floor was virtually empty. She takes the time to look around more carefully, taking a moment to study each room.

 

Rey opens the kitchen door and took it all in. The place is huge. There are five fridges that she could see, three sinks, and multiple tables scattered around the room. She stops in front of a coffee machine with a mug in her hands. She glares at it for a while, trying to work out how to even turn it on. She curses, _of course they would have a coffee machine_. A place like this was not going to have instant coffee.

 

“Miss Niima.” A husky voice speaks from across the room. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up. _Great, of course he’s here to see you look like a fool._ Rey inwardly cringes.

 

“Do you need a hand?” She can hear the amusement in his voice. She isn’t going to look at him and give him the satisfaction. She can imagine the smug look that would be on his face.

 

“No.” She says sharply and gave the machine another once over, praying that this time she would see the ‘on’ button.

 

“Yes you do.” He is closer to her now, she could tell by his voice. Rey can hear him breathing next to her but he still stands several feet from her. She notices his hand pressing a button on the side of the machine. The coffee capsule is dwarfed in his giant hands.

 

“What are you still doing here?” He questions as he drops the capsule into the machine. “It’s late. You don’t have to be here.” Rey could almost hear sincerity in his words.

 

“I could ask you the same.” She turns slightly to look at him. He wasn’t as close as she had originally thought. “I have a lot of work to do. I don’t want to fall behind.” She shrugs and breaks the eye contact, feeling small under his intense gaze.

 

“I’m here more than I’m at home. It’s just part of a being a partner.”

 

“I don’t see Hux and Phasma. So why do you feel like you have to stay?” Rey moves her head around the room to make her point.

 

He shrugs, “I guess I care more about my job than they do. Hux probably can’t be away from his hairball for more than a few hours at a time.” Rey’s eyes return to his face and amusement was etched upon his features.

 

Rey’s eyes narrow, something was off. He was deflecting. “You have nothing to go home to.” She says suddenly. She knew what that felt like. Rey would do the same thing before she met Finn. She would work for hours at the café if it meant that she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment.

 

The amusement that was previously in his eyes evaporates. They turn cold. “You don’t know a thing about me and I’m not discussing this with _you_.” His upper lip turns inwards, creating a snarl. He leans slightly forward and points his finger towards her.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey frowns, her eyebrows draw together.

 

“I don’t even know you. You are some inconsequential lawyer wannabe who didn’t get the marks to be a real lawyer. So now you’re stuck doing the jobs that no one else wants to do.” Kylo Ren’s jaw clenches and his left eye twitches slightly. Rey would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been staring. There was something almost familiar about him, like she had known him a lifetime ago.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I was trying to be nice. I thought maybe this morning was just a misunderstanding, but I guess I was right all along. You are just a conceited jerk who has too much power.” Rey’s nails are digging into her palms as they rest either side of her body.

 

Kylo Ren’s gaze wavers between her eyes and her lips. “Careful.” It comes out calmly but Rey knew it was a threat. She suddenly realises how close she is to him. Sometime during their bickering, she had begun to lean in on her toes. Rey takes in a sharp breath to compose herself and she wonders how he was able to calm down so quickly.

 

“Have a good night, Mr. Ren.” Rey hisses as she turns away from him. She no longer wanted that coffee. She storms out of the room, with every intention to leave.

 

Shoving everything she needs into her bag, she leaves all the documents on her desk. She was done for the night. Screw not wanting to fall behind. Rey didn’t bother turning off the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has left comments, bookmarks, and Kudos. I appreciate it. I intend to update this fic every few days, maybe once a week. I'm unreliable, I know.
> 
> Chapter title comes from "Island" by Svrcina


	3. a new storm is building (2.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short update until I write the next chapter. 
> 
> This is an excerpt from chapter 2 through Kylo Ren's eyes. He manages to hide his emotions so well that Rey can't tell what is really going through his head the first time they see each other in the office.

Kylo Ren is slouched in his chair, his hand covering his face. He tries to will away the migraine that is building in his head. Hux and Phasma are fighting over how to approach the new case. This is nothing new. After six years, he’s learnt to keep out of it.

Kylo looks up from his hand and his eyes rest on the two figures in front of him. One of them is Rose Tico, head receptionist. The other he recognises but not from the office. It is her, the girl from Starbucks. The fiery brunette who managed to put the mighty Kylo Ren in his place. 

Before he could stop himself, the word slips from his lips. “You.” 

He glares as her eyes widen in what is clearly fear. Kylo notices that the bickering had stopped but he can’t tear his eyes from the girl. He observes as she speaks to Rose. The corner of his mouth twitches when he sees her features light up at whatever Rose had said. Rose begins to walk away but Kylo can’t look away from the girl who is still standing there motionless. There is something about this girl, something almost familiar. Like he’s known her for years. His intrigue heightens when she turns back to him. Their eyes lock again and he decides that yes, there is definitely something about her. 

The girl swallows and looks away, eventually running after Rose. Like a magnet, Ren stands up from his chair, with all intentions of following her. He watches as she rounds the corner and disappears from his view. 

“Ren. What are you doing?” Hux breaks Kylo out of his trance. 

“I’ve got some matters to attend to.” Kylo states nonchalantly. 

“We’re not finished though.” Hux’s voice raises slightly.

“Continue without me.” It’s not like he was doing anything anyway. He leaves a stunned Phasma and Hux behind as he goes in the opposite direction to the women. 

He stops in front of the closest receptionist. He is on the phone but Kylo couldn’t care less. 

“The new girl who started today, what is her name?” Kylo demands and the receptionist jumps. He manages re-grip the phone before it falls from his fingers. The man had no idea that Kylo was there. 

“Sir?” The man asks with a look of confusion mixed with terror. 

“The new girl. What is her name?!” Kylo asks again. 

“Rey… Niima, S-Sir. The new paralegal.” The receptionist stumbles slightly on his words and Kylo turns away from the desk.

“Rey." Kylo whispers. "My Rey?" It couldn't be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Conference Room](https://www.coalesse.com/files/images/blog/16-0041815.gif)
> 
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> 
> I wasn't kidding when I said it was short.  
> Kylo is VERY intrigued by Rey and hopefully this gives some insight into what Kylo is actually thinking. I'm not sure if any chapters will be written in Kylo's POV. I'll have to see.  
> The next proper chapter should be up in a couple of days.
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song "Island" by Svrcina


	4. hearing words in black and white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is still an asshole but Rey is beginning to understand why.

Rey fumbles with the lock to her apartment and her patience is wearing thin. The lock never seemed to work properly on the damn door. She had told maintenance multiple times but they would always tell her that they have bigger things to worry about.  Finn throws open the door just as she raises her hand to knock.

 

“I thought you weren’t going to be home for another hour? What happened?” Finn questions as Rey pushes past him to get inside. He closes the door and follows behind her. She throws her bag on the ground and collapses onto the couch.

 

“Kylo Ren happened.” She rests the inside of her forearm over her eyes.

 

“Oh god, what did he do?” Finn sits down on the couch beside her.

 

“What didn’t he do? He is the biggest prick I have ever come across. And guess what?” Rey didn’t give him time to answer. “His office is directly across from mine. I can’t believe I have to look at his pretentious ass all day.”

 

“You look at his ass all day?” Finn questions. Rey removes her arm from her face and sits up properly.

 

“Shut up. You know I wasn’t talking about his butt.” Her eyes narrow. She turns on the couch and sits crossed legged so that she can see him better.

 

“Okay, sorry, sorry.” Finn puts his arms up defensively. “Besides Kylo Ren, how was the rest of your day?” He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze in an attempt to comfort her.

 

“It was okay, I suppose. I had a fair bit of work to get through but I couldn’t get into the swing of things so I still have a huge pile on my desk.” She groans at the thought of the pile growing tomorrow.

 

“Did you meet anyone? Make any friends?” Finn takes a sip from his beer and Rey suddenly feels the need to get her own. She pushes up from the couch and walks into the kitchen. She inspects the fridge for a bottle.

 

Rey answers as she twists the top off. “Just this one girl, Rose. She was very kind and helpful. I think we’ll get along nicely. I haven’t had the chance to meet anyone else. It was too much on my first day.” She takes a swig of the beer and walks back to Finn.

 

“I understand.” Finn nods knowingly. He understood how hard it was for Rey sometimes. After years of going from place to place, it was hard to start fresh. She should be used to it but the concept of starting over again still brings up memories from the past. That and she was awful at meeting new people.

 

“How was your day?” She leans into him and knocks his shoulder with hers.

 

“Oh, the usual. Poe and I took out some criminals, made the world a better place.” Finn chuckles. Rey just rolls her eyes. It was his usual response to that question. Being a detective for the SPD meant that he couldn’t really talk about his job. Rey didn’t mind though; she was now also in a similar situation.

 

“Sounds interesting. How is Poe?” Rey flashes Finn a wicked smile.

 

“He’s… _fine_.” Rey rolls her eyes again. “What?” Finn asks innocently but he can’t hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

 

“Oh, come on.” She gives him a light shove.

 

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Finn turns his face from hers and focuses on something on the other side of the room.

 

“Okay, big shot.” Rey laughs but she knows that he knew what she was talking about. Poe was Finn’s partner in the homicide unit. They weren’t really meant to date within the precinct and Finn used this constantly as an excuse not to make a move. To Rey it was obvious that they both had mutual feelings for each other but Finn was scared of rejection.

 

“What’s for dinner?” Rey asks in an attempt to change the conversation and because her stomach is growling at her.

 

“Whatever’s in the fridge.” Finn smiles at her.

 

Rey groans. “Delicious.” Looks like it was going to be reheated Chinese from the night before.

 

 

\---------

 

Rey sits in bed as she scrolls endlessly through articles about First Order. There were never-ending articles on cases that they had won, and ones that they were still battling. She found plenty of information on the CEO known simply as Snoke, and that he seemed to like the spotlight. Turns out he owns a lot of businesses, buildings, and hotels across the world. Much to Rey’s surprise, he wasn’t a lawyer. He had no background in law at all, the only credentials he possessed were a MBA. She guessed that was why the three of them had such a say in what went on in the office.

 

Rey clicks on link after link and she has learnt more about Hux and Phasma’s personal life than she wishes she had. However, Kylo Ren remains a mystery. His name was mentioned here and there and the occasional photo floated around but other than that; he was nearly non-existent. According to a couple of articles, Kylo Ren had come out of nowhere. There was no record of a practicing lawyer known as Kylo Ren before he became a partner in First Order.

 

Kylo Ren had a degree from Harvard and his track record was nearly perfect. He very rarely lost a case. She keeps reading until an image, clearly from a magazine photo-shoot pops up. Anger wells up as she stares at his features. The photo is so clear, she notices blemishes that she hadn’t before. His face is sprinkled with freckles and moles. A thin scar, barely visible sits above his right eye. She slams the laptop shut. _What are you doing, Rey?_ She shakes her head.

 

 

\------

 

Rey groans as her alarm goes off. She rolls out of bed in order to turn it off. She always left it across the room, a tactic Finn taught her which forced her to get up. However, it didn’t seem to work yesterday morning.

 

Rey pulls her hair into a similar style as yesterday. Passing on straightening, she lets the baby curls cling to her forehead. She puts on a lick of mascara today as she had time but she never wears much more makeup than that. She found the whole process was tedious and she could not for the life her apply foundation in a way that looked natural.

 

Rey runs out the door with her folder in one hand, keys in the other and a bagel between her teeth. Finn kisses her forehead and wished her luck. She merges into the flow of traffic and walks down the street, nibbling at the plain bagel in her hand.

 

Rey smiles at the receptionists on the bottom floor and they nod in response. She shuffles into the elevator with several other people. They all stand in silence as she watches the numbers increase above the doors. She is the last person in the carriage by the time it reaches her floor. She quickly looks in the mirror, straightening her clothes and tucking her hair behind her ears. She greets Rose at the front desk and walks into her office. She was about to place her bag on the ground when a deep voice causes her to jump.

 

“Miss Niima, you’re late.” She grabs her chest in attempt to slow her heart rate. _Shit._

 

Rey looks down at her watch. 0902. “Two minutes.” She says as she looks up at Kylo Ren standing in her doorway wearing a similar suit to yesterday’s. It is all-black but he isn’t wearing a tie today.

 

“Doesn’t matter if it’s two minutes or thirty. You are still late.” He takes several steps forward. One of his hands is shoved in his pocket, the other holds a piece of paper.

 

“Right. My apologies Mr. Ren.” Rey bites her lip to stop herself from saying something she may regret. She stands completely still, unsure of what to do.

 

“I’ll let it slide this time as it is only your second day.” Ren says. Rey scoffs, was that meant to be nice? “I need you to look up the numbers for the transactions between these two companies and note any anomalies.” He hands her the piece of paper that he is holding.

 

Rey quickly scans the document, “Can’t you do this?” She looks up at him with her eyebrows knitted together.

 

“I could but then what would you do?” He grins but he was taunting her.

 

She stares at him astonished for several seconds before motioning to the pile on her desk.

 

“Mhm, I guess that will have to wait.” The smirk disappears as he looks at her. She finally notices the thin scar that sits above his right eye. It is small but she is surprised that she hadn’t noticed it before the photo from last night.  

 

“Right.” Rey replies calmly but deep down she is seething with rage.

 

“If you don’t want to do it, I can always find someone else.” He counters. Rey knows there was a threat underneath the statement.

 

“No. It’s fine.” She says quickly. She knows she has to fix this situation. She is on thin ice and she needs this job. “It’s just- You know if we are going to be working together, we need to start getting along.” She places the paper on her desk and folds her arms.

 

“I suppose we do but maybe you should stop making it so hard to.” Kylo’s hand slowly curls into a fist, his jaw tightens. He was trying to remain calm but Rey knew he was failing.

 

“Me? You have been nothing but horrible to me. What you said to me last night was awful.” Rey flinches at the memory of his words and his eyes soften. She could’ve sworn she sees something flash across his face… _regret_?

 

“I could say the same.” Rey is taken aback. What else was she expecting? An apology? She shakes her head. Of course Kylo Ren wasn’t going to apologise.

 

“I was only stating the facts.” Rey bites back.

 

“So was I and yet somehow facts can still hurt.” Kylo turns away from her.

 

“Wait… _was I right_?” Rey feels the blood drain from her face. She tries to swallow but her salvia catches in her throat.

 

Kylo stops, his hand remains still on the door handle. He doesn’t answer nor does he turn back.

 

 _You have nothing to go home to._ It echoes through her head, of course it hurt him. Rey knows better than anyone what that feels like.

 

“Mr. Ren?” Rey tries again. _What have I done?_ Rey cringes at the thought. How could she have said something so horrible? She was trying to understand him but instead she said the worst thing she could’ve said in that situation.

 

Rey wants to apologise but she opens her eyes to an empty room. She runs out into the hallway, almost running into someone walking past. She apologises quickly as she looks both ways but Kylo Ren is nowhere in sight.

 

Rey finds herself walking into his office and of course it is empty. The room is dark, it sent chills through her. It looked like no one had been in there for days. It is incredibly clean and everything is arranged perfectly.

 

Biting her lip, she looks over her shoulder to make sure no one was looking. Deciding that it was safe, she takes a few steps forward. She studies the room. Its layout is similar to her own but a hell of a lot bigger. He has three bookshelves up against the wall, full of textbooks and folders. His desk is almost empty, only a few pens sat next to a journal. She discovers that there was nothing personal in there, no decorations except two gold dice connected by a chain. They rest next to the computer monitor. Rey runs her fingers over them, they must have meant something to him as they were in constant view. Her eyes land on the large daily planner in front of her and she resists the urge to open it. It was not her place to look inside she had decided.

 

Voices in the hallway pull her out of reverie. She panics when she realises that they are getting closer. She quickly exits the room, hoping that no one had taken in that she left the office with nobody else inside.

 

 

\------

 

Rey arrives home before Finn that night, mainly because she didn’t know what would happen if she was to run into Kylo again. She occupies her time by flicking through Netflix and finally settling on some random crime documentary. It is really just background noise while she works on the brick that she calls her laptop. The thing was second-hand when she bought it and that was seven years ago, god knows how old it is now.

 

Finn barges through the front door at around 0630, singing, “I’ve got Pizza!”

Rey only looks up from her screen long enough to give him a quick smile.

 

“What’s up, Peanut?” Finn places the pizza on the counter and drops his bags. Rey feels the couch sink under his weight.

 

“I’m just thinking.” She offers but doesn’t look away from her screen.

 

“About?” Finn presses. His hand is rubbing circles on her back

 

“Am I bad at reading people?” She slams her laptop shut and positions it on the couch next her her. She bows her head, resting it in her hands.

 

“In what way?” Finn questions.

 

“Something happened last night between me and Kylo. I said something to him about being alone and he snapped at me. I thought I was doing something good. I thought I was showing him that I understood.” Rey lifts her head to look at Finn.

 

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. What did you say?” Finn tries to reassure her but she already knows that it is. The guilt had been gnawing at her all day.

 

Rey takes in a shaky breath; she is ashamed to say it. “I told him that he spends so much time in the office because he has nothing to go home to.” She bites the inside of her cheek while she waits for him to respond.

 

“Oh, Rey. I don’t like the man but that was a bit harsh. If he snapped, it’s obviously true. I have crossed paths with him multiple times with cases and as far I as can tell, Hux and Phasma are the only people in his life.” Rey thinks back to the other two people who were in the room with Kylo yesterday. If they were the only people in his life, she isn’t surprised he was the way that he was. He clearly doesn't like them.

 

“I know, okay? He made it pretty clear this morning that I hurt him.”

 

“He did? What did he do?” Finn’s brows crease and his words are laced with concern.

 

“He said that facts hurt. And I didn’t see him around the office at all. He had to be avoiding me.” Rey sighs and shakes her head. “Gosh, I’m so confused, Finn. I hate the man; he’s been nothing but horrible to me. Why do I feel so bad?” Rey’s arms curl around her torso. She holds on as the guilt churns inside her stomach.

 

“Because you know what it feels like to be alone. We may both dislike him but you understand him. You’re a good person, Rey, don’t forget that.” Finn’s arms engulf her tiny frame. He rests his chin on her shoulder and Rey instantly feels at ease.

 

“Thanks, Finn. You always know what to say. Shit. I think I’ve ruined it. He’s never going to respect me. He’s gonna make my life hell. How do you do it? How do you know what to say all the time?”

 

“I’m a detective. It’s my job to read people and use the right words. Promise me that you won’t stress over this. I’m sure everything will be fine eventually.”

 

“Yeah but when?” Rey exhales and buries herself further into Finn’s embrace.

 

“I don’t know.” Finn says truthfully and Rey can only hope that it would be soon.

 

 

 

  
The photo Rey finds of Kylo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Finn and Rey's lounge room](http://cdn-wpmsa.defymedia.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2012/07/Screen-shot-2012-07-16-at-4.09.21-PM-640x421.png) (yes it's Hannah from girls' apartment) 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who has commented, left kudos etc. I love hearing from you guys x
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song "Body" by SYML


	5. A knock at my door, I thought I was alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo finally have a civilised conversation.

Rey didn’t see Finn that morning before work, he had mentioned something yesterday about a meeting. It was not unusual for Finn to be working unpredictable hours, it was part of the job. Whether it was chasing a lead or questioning a suspect, Finn was always on call. Finn had been a cop since they first met. She was barely 18 and had just started college. He was only 23 and a patrol officer at that time. They had sat next to each other during a seminar about crime rates amongst teens in the area. It was from that moment that she knew she wanted to work with teens and kids caught up in the system and the wrong crowds. So how did she end up working with one of the largest law firms in the world? One that specialised in Corporate Law? A cut throat business that kept big companies rich and left Rey with a bad taste in her mouth? _It’s for the resume_ Finn had told her. _It’ll look good to have worked alongside so many names, you need an ‘in’, Rey_.

 

Rey walks into work ten minutes early, she was not going to give Kylo Ren another reason to yell at her. She makes her way to her office when her eyes catches movement in his office. She backtracks to see Kylo Ren at his desk for the first time. She watches him as he concentrates intensely on the paper in front of him. He would write something and then scratch it forcefully moments later. His eyebrows would crease every time he had written something and he would sigh every time he scribbled it out.   

 

Rey knocks timidly on the glass door and his head shoots up. His look of concentration washes away and a look of curiosity is left behind. He lets his pen drop onto the table and he interlaces his hands on the wooden tabletop.

 

“I just wanted to apologise for what I said the other night.” Rey sways slightly as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Her arms hold her folder tightly to her chest. It eases her nerves as she fiddles with the corner of the plastic.

 

“It’s fine. It’s in the past.” Kylo waves his hand but Rey can see his body stiffen at the mention of the previous night.

 

“No but it’s not fine, okay?” Rey presses and she steps into his office. She strides over to his desk and falls into the chair that is directly in front on him. Kylo raises an eyebrow in question. She realises that he hadn’t invited her in but he hadn’t seemed to care that she entered. “I hurt you, a lot.” She continues as she places her folder on her knees.

 

“You didn’t-” Kylo begins but Rey cuts him off. She knows that he is lying.

 

“No, please let me finish.” Rey demands and Kylo sighs, motioning for her to continue as he sits back into the leather chair.

 

“I hurt you a lot but what you said to me was also horrible. We may have been speaking the truth but we went about it in the wrong way.” Rey crosses her arms across her chest.

 

“Yes, we did.” Kylo shifts slightly in his chair when he crosses one leg over the other.

 

“I just wanted to let you know that I understand.” Rey’s hand inches closer to his but she stops herself when she realises what she is doing. Instead her fingers find the ribbon on his daily planner. She wraps the ribbon around her index finger. She doesn’t like to keep her hands still, it causes her mind to wander. She needed to fiddle something, always looking for a distraction. It helped in situations where she felt anxious. Rey always felt as though it drew attention away from her face. Ren’s eyes dart from her hand to land on her face. Anger flashes across his features.

 

“How could you?” Rey expects the words to be venomous but instead they are laced with curiosity.

 

“Look, I may not know your situation but I do know my own. I can say that my past was tough. I’m not going to deny that it still hurts me to think about it but I get through it with help. I don’t know what this is.” She motions between them, “Whether we hate each other or not.” Rey leans in cautiously. “But no one deserves to feel alone.”

 

Rey stops and pulls away quickly. _What am I doing? Why did I tell him that?_

 

Kylo looks at her, his mouth is slightly agape. His eyes swirl with something she hadn’t seen before, amazement mixed with longing. “I, uh…” He scratches his neck unsure of what to say. “Thank you, I guess.”

 

“You are welcome. I just wish there was someone there for me when I needed it the most.” Rey fights the tears that threaten to spill onto her cheeks. She needs to get out of there before they do. Rey shoves herself away from the table and jumps up from the chair. In the mayhem she misses the hand that had reached out to her, inches from clasping her wrist. Rey sniffs and picks up her bag from the ground.

 

“Miss Niima.” His voice is thick with concern and it causes Rey to turn despite the tear that had travelled down her cheek. “Is there someone there for you now?” Kylo had also risen from his chair.

 

Rey smiles as she thought about Finn and Poe. “Yes, a couple of people.”

 

“Good, I’m glad.” Kylo replies, his voice low. And then she sees something she never thought she would, a genuine smile creeps onto Kylo’s face. The sight makes Rey’s heart stop, in fact, everything else stops. Nothing else seemed to matter. For the first time in three days, she truly thought that it was going to be okay between them.

 

 _What the fuck was that?_ Rey curses to herself. She smiles weakly in return, hoping that she didn’t show what she was really thinking.

 

\----------

 

Rey buries herself in her work, too afraid what would happen if she stops. She had just opened herself up a couple of hours ago to man she thought she hated. A man she wanted so desperately to hate. But there was something more to him than she first realised. He was hurting badly, she could tell. She wonders what could’ve possibly happened to make him the way he is because somewhere underneath it all was someone else. He had shown her glimpses of him today. He was someone that she could connect with, if he was willing to open up to her. But she shouldn’t want that, he was her boss, she shouldn’t want to worry about him.

 

Rey chews on the inside of cheek and convinces herself to finally look up. Kylo Ren is still seated at his desk, flicking through a book, he only looks up to glance at the computer screen. Rey had had enough, she needs to take a break. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, Rey rushes out of her office. Rey begins to make her way to the tea room when she remembers the promise she made to herself. She had to get to know more people and become closer with Rose. She turns on her heel and scurries to the front desk before she can talk herself out of it. Rey stops in front of Rose and taps her fingers lightly on the counter while she waits for Rose to get off the phone.

 

“Hey, Rey. How can I help?” Rose asks Rey cheerfully.  A broad smile spreads across Rey’s face.

 

“Actually I was wondering if you had taken your break yet?” Rey questions.

 

“I haven’t but I’m starving. Hey Mitaka, is it okay if I go on my break now?” Rose turns to the small man beside her.

 

“Sure. I’ve got this covered.” Rey smiles at the poor man, he looks like he was going to jump out of skin at any moment.

 

“Thanks, Mitaka. You make sure you go on yours as soon as I get back.” Rose quickly tidies up around her area and walks over to Rey.

 

Rey turns to whisper to Rose once they were out of earshot, “What’s with Mitaka? He looks like he’s shitting bricks.” Rey was genuinely worried for his wellbeing.

 

“He’s so worried about getting yelled at by Kylo Ren. He always gets the brunt of the abuse for some reason. He copped some on Monday and he’s been a mess since.” Rey cringes at the thought of Kylo yelling at the poor guy.

 

“Do you know what it was about?” Rey asks as part of her was worried it was her doing after the elevator incident.

 

“Don’t know, he wouldn’t say.” Rose shrugs.

 

Rose and Rey take a seat in the dining room and it looks a lot different from other night when the place was almost empty. Rey nibbles at her salad while she engages in small talk with Rose.

 

“So where are you from? That accent is certainly not American.” Rose chuckles as she picks at her sandwich, pulling off the pickles.

 

“I was actually born not far from here. My grandfather moved us to Westminster when I was five. I must have picked up the accent, I guess.” Rey answers but didn’t say much more. For some reason she didn’t feel like saying anything further. She did not feel in the mood to explain her extremely complicated and confusing past.

 

“Ah, of course. That makes a lot more sense.” Rose smiles, “So Rey, what drew to this awful place?” Rose motions around the room.

 

“I needed a job.” Rey says simply and Rose laughs.

 

“Didn’t we all? No but seriously why here? I’m sure there were other places.” Rose takes a bite of her sandwich.

 

“I guess because it looks good. It’s known by every law firm around the world. It also has a lot of connections.” Rey continues to pick at her salad as she tries to explain the reason why because truthfully, she didn’t know why she went for the job in the first place.

 

“Yeah connections are good in this sort of work. Trust me, you might need them one day.”

 

“I know, especially if I want to be a lawyer.” Rey says sheepishly. She didn’t share that with many people, mainly because she was worried that it wouldn’t happen.

 

“Really? I didn’t know that. That’s awesome, Rey. I’m sure you’d be great at it.” Rose’s eyes light up and Rey knew she truly believe what she had said. Rey just wishes that she believed it too.

 

“Thanks. Enough about me though. How long have you been working here for?” Rey is still blushing from the compliment.

 

“Seven years.” Rey raises her eyebrows. “I know, I know. How could I possibly work in a place like this for so long? Well the pay is good, so are the health benefits and it’s so close to home.” Rose sighs.

 

“I’m not judging.” Rey says genuinely. Seven years, that means… “Does that mean you were here when Kylo Ren started?” Rey focuses on Rose, unblinking. Rose may have the answers that she couldn’t find last night.

 

“Yeah. It was so weird. He just turned up one day. Hux introduced him as a partner in the firm and that was it. We had no background information, no indication to where he came from. Kylo Ren didn’t exist before he stepped foot into this office. People are saying that he had ties to Snoke and that’s how he made his way to the top so quickly.”

 

“Yeah, that’s very strange.” Rey agrees.

 

“I can tell you one thing though. He’s been an arrogant prick from the moment he first opened his mouth. I’m guessing Snoke found him in the same place that he found the other two.” Rose scrunches her nose in a look of distaste, she really did not like her bosses.

 

The two ate in silence while Rey pondered over what Rose had just told her. She did not know anymore than she had previously, except that Kylo Ren may have been close to Snoke before he started working for the company. She wonders who Snoke could be to Kylo. His father? Grandfather? A mentor? She hadn’t the slightest idea. Rey hated not having answers. Rey rubs her temples as she attempts to massage away her headache.

 

“You okay?” Rose reaches out and touches Rey’s arm and pulls away once Rey nods.

 

“Yeah. I just need a coffee.” Rey smiles at Rose. Yes, she definitely needed a coffee.

 

Someone clears their throat beside Rey and she swivels in her chair to see who had produced the noise. It is him. Her eyes travel up his body and stop on his face.

 

“Good afternoon, Sir.” Rose says but Kylo didn’t even acknowledge that she had spoken. His eyes remain completely trained on Rey.

 

Rey watches as something shakes Kylo out of his trance, “Miss Niima, would you be able to double check these dates when you have the time? I’ve been over them but something doesn’t quite match up and I need a second pair of eyes.” Kylo steps closer to Rey, his broad shoulders appearing to engulf her. Rey reaches for the papers in his hands.

 

“Yeah sure. I’ll have a look at them as soon as I can.” She places the papers down in front of her and looks back to Kylo. He is still in the same position and in arm’s reach. Rey suddenly feels the need to say something, anything to draw attention away from how close he is standing to her. “Is this the same case as the previous document?”

 

“Yes.” Kylo replies quickly as he straightens up and steps backwards. He too, is suddenly aware how close he is to her. Kylo gives a nod to Rey and Rose and continues on. Rey watches him disappear through the large wooden doors.

 

“Whoa what did you do?” Rose says breathlessly with a mix of concern and amazement.

 

“What do you mean?” Rey’s eyes widen.

 

“Kylo Ren doesn’t ask anybody to do anything, he _demands_.” Rose leans forward as she speaks and a snort accompanies the last word.

 

“Guess he must have realised things are more likely to be done if he’s nice about it.” Rey mutters, fiddling with the paper’s edge.

 

“Mhmm.” Rose mumbles, clearly not convinced.

 

Rey looks down at her watch, “Ah, I should really get back to work.” Rey starts to gather her belongings and rises from the table. “Thank you for having lunch with me.”

 

Rose nods, “Of course. We should do it again. Same time tomorrow?”

 

“Definitely.” Rey smiles. She walks out of the dining room, dropping her uneaten salad into the trash on the way past. Rey hated wasting food but for some reason she wasn’t hungry today.

 

Kylo Ren isn’t in his office when she returns and she is somewhat relieved. She pulls out the document that Kylo had given her and begins writing down her thought process as she reads through the text.

 

It had taken her a couple of hours and aspirin to come to the conclusion that Kylo Ren was right, there is something that is not matching up. But she cannot pinpoint what it is. She sighs and pulls out her phone. She sends a message to Finn asking about his day and puts a reminder in her phone to have lunch with Rose tomorrow at 1pm. She knows that if she didn’t remind herself, she would most likely get caught up in her work. Casting her gaze over to Kylo’s office, she frowns when she notices that he still isn’t in there. It has been four hours since she last saw him and she can’t help but wonder where he disappears to for so long. Rey groans when she looks back down at the pieces of paper in front of her covered in red pen. She is going to figure this out, even if it took days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was kind of short and I had intended to make the chapters longer. I just wanted to end it where I did because the next chapter is a bit longer and full of these two and fluff. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song: "Fear the water" by SYML


	6. one minute I know you, then I don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey get along...for a while.
> 
> PSA: please don't speak to your bosses how Rey has been. You'll probably get fired.

Rey had just made it on time on Monday morning. She had every intention of being early, however, Finn insisted on having a chat as she didn’t see him at all yesterday. He explained that they were investigating something big and would most likely be at the precinct a lot for the next few weeks. Rey didn’t mind, sure, she would miss having him there all the time but she knew he would always pick up the phone if she needed him.

 

“Morning Rose.” Rey says cheerfully as she passes the front desk.

 

“Heya, Rey. How was your weekend?” Rose pulls her headset off.

 

“Oh, the usual. Reheated meals and Netflix.” Rey tilts her head as she remembers the night before.

 

“Sounds fun.” Rose says enthusiastically and Rey snorts at her sarcasm.

 

“How was yours?”

 

“Pretty similar. Nothing special, didn't leave the house if I'm honest you with. I ordered takeout though. I can’t cook.” Rey chuckles at Rose and notices Mitaka sitting awkwardly next to her.

 

“Hi, Mitaka.” Rey turns to the small figure hunched over at the computer beside Rose. He drops the stapler and papers, and begins frantically grabbing to fix the mess.

 

“Oh… Hi, Rey.” Mitaka says more calmly than she expected when he was in complete disarray.  

 

She smiles widely at the constant flustered mess this poor man was always in. She turns back to Rose. “I’ll see you at lunch.” Rose nods in response. Rey gives the countertop a light tap and heads to her office. She is about to place her folder on the table when she notices a steaming mug placed carefully next to a note. In perfect cursive writing, the note reads:

 

     | Please accept my peace offering  
     |                              -K

 

Rey scrunches her nose at the gesture and the flawless penmanship. She smells the mug, and the aroma of coffee and chocolate fills her nostrils. He had remembered her order from that morning in Starbucks. Rey lifts her head gingerly to look into Kylo’s office. She puts her head in her hand when she realises he’s not there. Shaking her head, she sits in her chair and moans slightly when the warm mocha passes her lips. She glances back at the note and her fingertips gently follow the curves of his handwriting.

 

Rey continues to sip on her coffee as she flicks through her emails, she clicks “print” on the important ones. The printer beeps at her and she notices that it is out of paper. Sighing, Rey gets up and slips out of her office in search of some more.

 

Flinging the doors of the supply closest open, Rey grabs a block of blank paper. She scans the shelves for anything else that may be of use. A handful of assorted stationery and a slab of paper later, Rey makes her way back to her office. She concentrates deeply as she wills herself to not drop everything in her hands.

 

Abruptly, her forehead collides with something hard and she is unable to stop herself as the rest of her continues into the entity in front of her. Long fingers curl around her upper arms which both steady and push her away at the same time. Rey lifts her chin sheepishly to meet the intense gaze of Kylo Ren.

 

“Oh, um, hi.” Rey croaks out shyly. She feels her cheeks warm as his eyes study her face.

 

“Miss. Niima.” Kylo acknowledges her and releases his grip on her arms. Rey’s skin tingles at the loss of contact.  

 

Rey clears her throat, “Thanks for the coffee.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He deadpans and he takes a step back. Rey’s eyes widen _, if he hadn’t then who did?_

 

“You didn’t-” She stops when she notices the smug look on his face. Rey rolls her eyes and grins. The right side of his mouth quirks up as he brushes past her, leaving her stunned, alone, and in a hallway.

 

Rey trembles slightly and scurries into her room, kicking the door shut behind her. She lets everything fall from her arms onto her desk, not caring where they land. Her hand traces delicately over the place where Kylo had grabbed her. The ghost of his touch continues to burn into her skin. Rey fiddles with the items on her desk to try and stop herself from thinking about the encounter. She is not going to allow herself to even consider what was going on between them.

 

\----------------------

 

A soft knock causes Rey to look up from the pages in front of her. She pulls her pen from her mouth when she notices who is standing at the door.

 

“Mr. Hux.” Rey says as calmly as she could muster. She had managed to avoid him for a whole week. From what Rose had told her, she was glad that she hadn’t met him until now. He is tall, and somewhat lanky. His ginger hair is slicked back with a fraction too much gel and his complexion looked like he didn’t get out much. His suit, however, screamed wealth. Rey didn’t know much about fashion but she could tell that the three piece he was wearing was not cheap.

 

“Miss. Niima, so glad to finally make your acquaintance. I see you are settling in well.” He speaks with poise that bordered on arrogance.

 

“Likewise. Everyone has been very generous and kind. They helped to make the transition quite easy.” Rey says. She felt the need to compliment the staff in a way that reflected well upon him. _What an ass kisser you are,_ Rey thought to herself _._ She couldn’t explain it but it was like Hux was waiting for her say something along those lines.

 

“Good. I am very glad to hear that. Is there anyone in particular that I should praise for this?”

 

Rey thought for a moment. Not because she didn’t have an answer but because she was worried what he planned to do with the information. Hux didn’t seem like the complimenting type. Rey knew he was waiting for an answer. “Rose Tico has been invaluable to me and I believe she should be recognised for her efforts.”  

 

He nods, “Very well, I shall commend her on her work sometime during the day.”

 

Rey stares at him, he still hadn’t moved. His body language indicated that he wanted to say something else. “Thank you. Is there anything I can help you with, Mr. Hux?”

 

“Ah yes. There is one thing.” Hux steps into her office, stalking over to her desk. He places a black folder in front of her. She suppresses a scoff, of course it was black. “This file here, I need you to go over it for me.”

 

“Is there something in particular you want me to do with it?” She blinks at him, extremely confused.

 

“No, just read through it.” He just continues to smile at her. Rey has no idea what he expects her to do.

 

“Mr. Hux, I’m not really clear with what it is you would like me to do.” Her heart pumps heavily as she confesses. She tries her best to stop the fear creeping onto her features. Part of her is worried that she will make a fool of herself, the other part was worried that she already had and this was some kind of test.

 

“You’ll see.” His voice is lined with a knowing tone. “Miss. Niima, please take your time. There is no rush.”

 

“Thank you.” Rey offers up because she had no idea how she was supposed to even respond.

 

“You’re welcome and it’s great to have you with us.” A cheesy grin spreads across his face, Rey wants to slap it off. She could not pinpoint why she really disliked this man. Something about him is off, like he’s ready to stab you in the back the first chance that he gets. Rey shoots daggers into his back as he leaves.

 

\-------- ------

 

“Okay, what did you do?” Rose barges into her office, her voice almost a high pitch squeal. Rey’s head shoots up so quickly, her neck cracks.

 

“Huh?” Rey mutters, holding her neck as she moves it side to side in an attempt to relieve the knot that has formed.

 

“Seriously, thank you, Rey.” Rose skips forward and stops in front of the desk.

 

“What for?” Rey’s eyes widen. She is completely and utterly confused.

 

“I don’t know what you said to Hux but he praised me today. He’s never done that, ever. What did you say to him?” Rose’s eyebrows knit together. Her hand is gripped around the collar of her blouse as she calms herself.  

 

“Oh, uhm, he asked if there was anyone he wanted me to thank for helping me settle in.” She says nonchalantly and shrugs.

 

“Well, thank you.” Her eyes sparkle and Rey smiles wearily. It suddenly dawns on her that Rose must never get praised for what she does here. Rey’s stomach churns at the thought. Surely they get positive feedback, it’s a common and expected thing in the workplace…isn’t?

 

“It was nothing. After everything you have done for me in the past week, it’s the least I could do.”

 

Rose looks over her shoulder as though she was expecting someone and then leans in so she can speak in a whisper. “I don’t know what sort of magical powers you have but you have both Hux and Ren on your side. I’m truly impressed.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just do what I need to.” Rey wrinkles her nose.

 

“Well keep doing what you’re doing and you may end up higher on the food chain in here.” Rose’s fist connects softly with her upper arm.

 

“Maybe.” She snorts at the idea, there is no way that was ever going to happen. She would probably be pulling her hair out between Kylo and Hux. She has a new found appreciation for Phasma if she puts up with their crap everyday.

 

“I have to get back to work but thank you, again.” Rey just smiles in response and her grin lingers as she watches her leave.

 

Rey pulls her concentration to her computer screen as she returns to the article which she was reading before the interruption. Her gaze flickers between the screen and the folder Hux had given her on the desk as she annotates.  Rey had had a quick scan through the folder but nothing stood out to her. It was just a bunch of journal entries, figures, and photographs that she could barely make out. She had chosen to start from the beginning which happened to be a handwritten record. The entry was very vague so far. No names were mentioned, no hints as to who had written the piece nor who it was about. Rey had to resort to circling phrases that stood out and googling them. So far nothing had come up to even spark her interest.

 

“Miss. Tico was happy.” Kylo Ren’s deep voice travels across the room. Rey frowns at the man leaning against the doorway. She wonders how long he had been standing there. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes, she would’ve noticed him… surely.

 

“Far-out, do you ever knock?” Rey runs a hand down her face in annoyance that she was interrupted yet again. Kylo ignores her question and takes it as an invitation to enter her office. He strolls over to her bookshelf and begins inspecting it.  

 

Rey sighs and replies to his observation. “Yeah, Hux complimented her and she’s beside herself because he’s never done that. In the seven years that she has worked here, she hasn’t been acknowledged for what she does.” She watches him carefully as he studies each book.

 

“A lot of work goes unnoticed in here, it’s part of working for such a large company.” Kylo picks up the photo frame that Finn had given her for her birthday. It contained a photo of her, Finn, and Poe in hysterics at the New Years Eve party that Poe had hosted the previous year.

 

“It’s not right though.”  

 

“What was Hux thanking her for?” Kylo puts the frame down and turns to face Rey.

 

“He came in and introduced himself earlier. He asked if there was anyone who showed particular attention to how well I settled in. I told him Rose was an enormous help and he promised to thank her. I guess he went through with it.” Rey shrugs and Kylo frowns at her.

 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asks.

 

Kylo bites his cheek and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know but Hux never does that. He’s up to something.” Rey spins back to her computer screen and begins reading again.

 

“Can’t he just have done a good deed out of the goodness of his heart?” Rey says as she scans the piles of information in front of her.

 

“Hux doesn’t have a heart.” Kylo mutters, he is now leaning on the bookshelf, his arms folded against his chest.

 

“That’s a bit harsh.” Rey says. She hits ‘print’ on the article as her eyes were beginning to hurt from reading off of the screen. She stands up to walk over to the printer that sits on the shelf behind her.

 

“Perhaps but he has never done anything to suggest otherwise.”

 

“Is there something you wanted?” Rey turns back around to realise that Kylo is now standing in front of her. She jumps slightly, bringing the paper closer to her chest.

 

“Can’t I just come and speak to you? Have a lovely conversation about the weather?” Kylo smirks and his hands come to rest on his hips.

 

“No. You always need something.” Rey pushes past him, her shoulder rubbing against his bicep. She drops back down into her chair.

 

“You got me.” Kylo twists with his hands in the air. “How are you going on that document I gave you?” Kylo walks back around to the front of her desk.

 

“And there it is.” Rey sighs and she sifts through the mess on her desk to find what she is looking her. “You were right about there being something suspicious about these dates.”

 

“I always am.” Rey rolls her eyes at his remark. Kylo slides into the chair across from her own. He looks uncomfortable and slightly awkward as his knees curl up underneath his chair so that he can fit beneath the desk.

 

“But I cannot figure out what it is.” Rey shoves the paper in front of Kylo. His eyebrows rise when he sees the red pen littered over the document.

 

“Neither can I. I’ve been looking at it for weeks and it’s slowly driving me insane.” His eyes scan the writing, clearly trying to decipher her annotations. He grabs the pen from her hand and adds his own notes.

 

“Tell me about it. It’s been a few days and I can’t shake it.”

 

“It’s okay if you want to stop. I’m sure I’ll eventually figure it out.” Kylo hums but he remains engrossed in the pages in front of him.

 

“No way. I need to find the answer. I’m not giving up now. I hope you’re happy. This is your fault.” Rey exclaims as she watches him work. This gets his attention. He looks up to meet her gaze and he leans forward slightly, licking his lips. Rey resists the urge to crumble under his gaze and returns to the photocopied journal entry in front of her.

 

Rey chews on her thumb as she concentrates, highlighting as she goes and she can feel his gaze still on her. A sentence sticks out to her… _‘the subject is unaware that funds are being withdrawn at irregular intervals.’_

She continues to read; this time she gasps…

_‘subject unaware that betrayal is coming from within.’_

Rey has no idea what she is reading but whomever wrote this was plotting something terrible. There was still no indication of who wrote this or who they were planning to sabotage. Rey searches for a date, a location, anything that could give her an answer to the hundreds of questions flying through her head.

 

Suddenly, the paper along with the folder are ripped from beneath her hands. “What are you doing?” Rey hisses at Kylo whose eyes are frantically scanning the journal entry.

 

“Who gave you this document?” He demands. His hand tightens around her pen. Rey flinches when she hears the splintering of plastic. He lets go of the pieces when black ink begins bleeding onto his skin.

 

“Hux.” Rey’s chest constricts, what could possibly get him so worked up? “Why? I don’t understand.”

 

“Never do anything Hux asks again.” His voice lower than she had ever heard it before.

 

“But he’s my boss as well.” She stares at him in disbelief.

 

“Despite what he thinks, I have the final say in what goes on around here. I’m technically his boss. He answers to me.”

 

“But aren’t you partners?” Her eyes narrow.

 

“Yes but not equal.” His face has turned to stone again, completely unreadable.

 

“Oh but what about Snoke?” Rey pushes for more answers because for some strange reason he seemed to be giving them. As vague as his response was, the pieces were beginning to fall a little more into place.

 

“He owns the building and the name.” Kylo says plainly.

 

“That…makes sense?” The words come out as a question because honestly, it made no sense. How could Snoke have such a say in the firm if he just owned the building and how could such a young lawyer have such a large share?

 

“If he asks you to do something, come to me first. I will deal with it.” The last part of his statement comes out as a growl and he turns on his heel. Rey reaches out and grabs his bicep. Kylo looks down at her hand and then up to her face. Before he has time to react, she snatches the folder back from his hand.

 

“I can handle myself, thanks. I’ve had no problems with Hux and I intend to work with him and Phasma and everyone else who needs help within this firm because it’s my job. Hux has done nothing to make me doubt his professionalism towards me or his job. I don’t know why you think I can’t take work handed to me from my superiors.” Admittedly, Rey wasn’t particularly fond of Hux but something about Kylo telling her who she could talk to really made her froth. “With all due respect, _Sir_ …” Kylo flinches at her words or perhaps it’s her tone, Rey can’t tell. “You don’t control me.”

 

“You will never speak to me like that again, Miss. Niima. I’m running out of warnings for you. I should’ve fired you days ago but for some reason I can see your potential as a paralegal _and_ a lawyer.  You have a certain fire about you but you need to learn to control it. This is the last time we will have a conversation like this. Is that understood?”

 

Rey freezes in terror when she realises what she had just said to her boss. “Yes, Mr. Ren.”

 

“Very well. Get back to work.”  Ren’s eyes narrow as he studies her face. He turns on his heel and storms out of her office, slamming the door behind him.

 

Rey stands there in amazement at what had just happened. For whatever reason or miracle Ren hadn’t fired her and he had semi complimented her in the process of ripping her apart. She bites her lip and lets out a shaky breath, maybe she was more valuable to him than she originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be fluff, but did I say it would last....? 
> 
> *smiles and runs away*
> 
> chapter title comes from the song "Who are you?" by SVRCINA
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has left lovely comments. I love to read them and they do help keep me motivated.


	7. How long will it take for you to lean on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has a go at Hux and Rey still hasn't given up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Kylo's POV.

To say that Kylo Ren was angry was an understatement. Kylo Ren was furious. Never has Kylo wanted to fire someone as badly as he did right now but he can’t. He can’t because that man owns part of the firm and Snoke would never allow it. Kylo smirks to himself, he may not be able to fire him but he sure as hell can make threats, and boy, was he good at that.

 

Kylo storms down the hallway, shouldering anyone who steps into his path. A few employees mutter apologies but Kylo continues on. He rounds the corner and flings open the door to Hux’s office without knocking. He growls when notices that the room is empty. Kylo knew that if he wasn’t in his office then he wasn’t in the building. Kylo snatches his phone from his back pocket and searches for Hux’s contact. The phone goes straight to voicemail.

 

“Hux, I don’t know where the hell you are but you better come back to the office before I throw your cat ornaments out of the window. I know you were here twenty minutes ago so you can’t be far away. You have fifteen minutes before I start losing my shit.” Kylo barks into his phone.

 

Kylo returns to his office, still brimming with rage. He stops in front of Rey’s office to find that she was no longer in there. He assumes she is on her lunch break, at least he hopes she is on her lunch break. _Had he upset her? Is she with Hux discussing the file he had given her?_ He shakes his head at the last thought.

 

Kylo’s eyes rarely leave the clock on his wall as he waits for Hux to return. He continues to pace, occasionally stopping so that he can look into Rey’s office. She still wasn’t back and somehow, the thought of her calms him momentarily. Kylo sinks into his chair and rests his feet on the desk. He can see the folder on her desk and for a moment he thinks of how easy it would be to go in there and take it. The thought passes as quickly as it had appeared. It was wrong and Kylo knew that it was but he didn’t want her to find out like this. He knows that she would hate him for it, in fact, she probably already does hate him. She just doesn’t know who he really is. Who he used to be to her.

 

The hands on the clock were indicating that Hux’s fifteen minutes were almost up and Kylo is fully prepared to smash some stupid cat ornaments.

 

Hux hadn’t even stepped into Kylo’s office before he begins to yell at him.

 

“Why did you give her that file?” Kylo growls as he pulls his feet from the desk. He leans forward and his nails dig into his palms.

 

“Hi, Ren. It’s good to see you too.” Hux replies bitterly. Hux remains standing and picks at his nails.

 

“Cut it out, Hux and answer my question.” Kylo throws the pen he was fiddling with at Hux’s stomach. Hux doesn’t react.

 

“You know who she is, don’t you? Is that why you hired her?” Hux licks his lips and smirks. Kylo glares at the man, who he could only describe as a worm, in front of him. Good god, he hates him. He knows that he had to go along with the conversation. He couldn’t do anything to suggest that he felt the need to protect the girl.

 

“I had my suspicions from the moment she stepped into the office. I know now and no, I didn’t hire her. I had no idea that we had a new paralegal until she turned up on Monday.” Kylo sighs and taps his fingernails on the desk. He finds it soothing to count the beats, a tactic he often used when in negotiations.

 

“Who hired her then because it wasn’t me and Phasma didn’t mention it.”

 

“Hux, there are at least fifteen other people in this firm with the authority to hire new staff members. Go and ask one of them.” Kylo motions towards the front of the office.

 

“Fine, maybe I will and then I can find out who I need to fire for it. I knew that I recognised the name.” Hux hisses and Kylo rolls his eyes.

 

“I still don’t understand why you gave her the document. You could just tell her that you know who she is. Is it to make her connect the dots herself? Just some sick game you like to play? Playing with everyone’s emotions before you ruin their lives? What are you playing at, Hux?” Kylo’s eyes narrow in thought.

 

“I’m trying to back her into a corner, get her to realise that we are on to her.” Hux looks over his shoulder and Kylo’s gaze follows his line of sight. Her office is still empty and he sighs in relief.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kylo knew exactly what Hux was implying but he needed to hear him say it.

 

“It’s probably some elaborate scheme to take us down from the inside. Why else would she be working for us? This has Skywalker written all over it.” Kylo cringes at the thought of Rey working with his uncle. He may not have seen Rey for twenty years but the Rey that he has somewhat come to know, wouldn’t do this. For some reason, she doesn’t strike him as someone on a revenge mission. Kylo believes that he can read others’ motivations well, it was part of the job. Rey Niima was not somebody who would use others to fulfil her own vendetta.

 

“Hux.” Kylo pushes up from his chair, his large frame looms over Hux’s but he won't back down.

 

“That little snake. I won’t let her. I’ll cut her down just like her grandfather.” The mention of Ben Kenobi causes Kylo to flinch. He still remembers the day that Kenobi’s sentence was handed down to him as he pleaded that he was being set up. A twenty-five-year-old Kylo had sat cowardly in the back corner of the audience, knowing full well that he was responsible for the set up and downfall of Ben Kenobi. A man he would’ve called an uncle ten years prior to that day.

 

“HUX!” He needs Hux to stop talking, his throat is constricting as the images of his past flash before him. Memories of his parents with Kenobi. Memories of a young Rey chasing a teenaged Kylo around the backyard of his parents’ house.

 

“I’ll prove that she’s incompetent. She’ll never step foot in this firm or any-” Hux is spitting through his clenched jaw. His body trembling slightly in response to his fury.

 

“ARMITAGE, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!”

 

Kylo slams his fists onto the desk. Everything that was close to his hands, falls to the floor. The papers on his desk are saturated with water from his tipped over glass. A trail begins to trickle onto the carpet. Kylo’s hands claw at the desk as his threatening frame leans in closer to Hux. Eye-to-eye, Kylo is able to see the fear swell in his green eyes. Kylo’s fists curl around the papers in an attempt to stop himself from connecting his fist with the pale jaw of the man trembling in front of him.

 

“Leave.” Kylo says sharply.

 

“Ren.” Hux stammers.

 

“I don’t want to look at your face right now.” Kylo taps his fingers on the desk and counts to ten in his head. “Leave. NOW!”

 

“Fuck you, Ren.” Hux spits and turns sharply to make an exit for the door. Hux knows this was a fight he wasn’t going to win.

 

“And Hux.” Hux turns slowly. “Never speak to her again.” Kylo cautions, his eyes remain trained on the mess in front of him.

 

“Is she your pet now, is she? You think you can protect her?” Hux growls at Kylo. “And what authority do you think you have over me? I don’t answer to you.” Kylo’s head snaps up and he bares his teeth.

 

“That’s not what the contracts say. I’m sure Snoke would love to hear about your little kamikaze mission. Of how your little stunt may very well end up costing him billions.”

 

“You wouldn’t.” Hux’s eyes widen.

 

“Try. Me.” Kylo counters and Hux snarls, slamming the door behind him.

 

Kylo looks up at the clock and growls. He grabs all the papers from his desk, not caring that he was crinkling them. It is only 1pm but he has had enough, he needs to get out of there. He storms off down the hallway and his eyes fall on Rey’s familiar ones. He only looks at her long enough to recognise the confusion on her face before he continues down the hall. He could’ve sworn he hears her call after him…or perhaps, he wishes she had.

 

\----------------------

 

Kylo stalks into the office on Monday morning, far later than usual. The weekend hadn’t seemed like enough time for Kylo to wrap his head around what was going on. Everything is falling apart slowly around him and _it’s her fault_. He should just fire her; it would make his life so much easier but for some damn reason, he can’t bring himself to do it. If he fired her, she would no longer be a distraction, he could finally finish what he started. Yet, he was the one to involve her in his mess to begin with.

 

Kylo scoffs, _since when has he been distracted by an inconsequential girl?_ But this wasn’t just some girl, this was Rey. His Rey. Did she remember him? Probably not. She was only five when her grandfather had moved them to another continent. Kylo hadn’t seen her since he had waved goodbye as she hung out of the car window. He can still remember the weeks of pain that followed him after he was left alone again, shaking on the curb side. His parents weren’t even there to say goodbye to them, they were never there.

 

Kylo groans when he sees Hux in the hallway, he is not in the mood. He shoulders him on the way through and Hux sneers. Kylo turns to glare at him, it is a warning but Hux ignores it. Hux is about to say something when his attention turns elsewhere. Kylo twists slowly to see Rey approaching them. Kylo takes in a sharp breath and doesn't turn his attention back to Hux. He feels Hux stop dead beside him.

 

Hux whispers harshly. “Careful, Ren that your personal interests don’t interfere with orders from Snoke.” Kylo stiffens. There is no way Hux could know who Rey was to him. He may know who she is but does he know of their past? He couldn’t because nobody knows who he truly is besides Snoke.

 

“My personal interests are none of your business. I hope for your sake, Snoke doesn’t find out about this.” Kylo growls as Hux begins to move towards Rey. Kylo snarls as Hux gives Rey the fake smile that he likes to plaster on his face. He smiles with satisfaction when he notices that Rey doesn’t return the gesture.

 

Kylo’s face falls when Rey approaches him with the same coldness. “What was that about?” She points her thumb over her shoulder.

 

“Miss. Niima, how are you this morning? That was nothing that you need to concern yourself with.” Kylo says smoothly and he smiles. He walks inside his office, with Rey on his heel.

 

“Oh, so you’re going to be nice today?” Rey crosses her arms.

 

“What are you on about?” Kylo arches an eyebrow and matches her stance.

 

“You’re so hot and cold. Are you going to yell at me? Are you going to leave a coffee on my desk with a beautifully written note? I can’t keep up.” _Ah, that’s right, she’s probably still angry about Friday,_ Kylo thought to himself _._

 

“You think my handwriting is beautiful?” Kylo mockingly puts his hand on his chest and opens his mouth slightly.

 

“Could you stop deflecting just this once?” Her eyes widen, her anger seeps into her words. “I thought we got somewhere the other day. I spilled my guts to you. It may have not seemed like a lot but I don’t tell people those things. I opened up to you. I was showing you that I was there for you and you still continue to shut me out.” She steps closer to him and she leans forward. Kylo holds his breath, too afraid to move.

 

She may have been small but boy, was she intimidating. Kylo’s gaze runs across her face. He had never been this close to her before. He can count every freckle splayed across her tiny nose. His eyes drag up to hers and his jaw slackens. Kylo finally begins to admit what he had been avoiding for so long… she is beautiful. He watches as Rey’s gaze falls to his lips and then back to his eyes. He is suddenly aware of how long it had been since one of them had spoken.

 

“I don’t owe you anything.” He says coldly and he flinches. He hadn’t intended it come out like that. Kylo puts his chin into his chest and prays that Rey couldn’t sense his humiliation.

 

“No, you don’t but you owe me some respect. I don’t expect you to pour out your greatest fears to me but I am here. However, if you keep going down this path, I don’t know if I will be much longer.” His head snaps up at her confession. Oh, how he wanted her to be there for him but he doesn’t know if he’s ready. It’s been so long since he had opened up. The last time he was himself, was with her, twenty years ago. Rey turns from him and disappears into her office. Kylo just stands there, still in shock. She returns seconds later with the black folder in her hands. His chest tightens, had she figured it out?

 

“I want you to take this.” She pushes the black folder against his chest. He doesn’t make an attempt to take it.

 

“What? Why?” He is confused, very confused.

 

“It obviously bothered you that I had it. I’ve had a quick look through it and done some research, and whatever it is, it’s dark stuff. I don’t want to know about it because it’s clearly something from the past. I don’t want to find out that sort of stuff from a book. Hux had no right to give it to me. Maybe one day you will trust me enough to tell me about it yourself.” Kylo is speechless. How could she be so forgiving when he has done nothing to deserve it? He gingerly took the folder from her hands and places it on his desk.  

 

“Rey.” Her name slips from his mouth before he could stop it. Her eyes widen at her name.

 

“Yes?” She beckons him to continue.

 

“I do respect you, more than you could know.” Kylo’s hand trembles slightly as he resists the urge to reach out and run his fingers down her cheek. He shoves his fists into his pockets.

 

“Then show it. Stop stomping all over me every fucking chance you get.” She is so close, so close he can feel her breath on his cheek. “Can’t you just trust me, please?” He needs to get out of there before he does something he is going to regret.

 

“We need to be careful.” _We? More like, I_ , Kylo thought but he continued anyway _._ “I’m your boss. If we start pouring out our emotions to each other, we’re crossing professional boundaries.” He knew they were already crossing boundaries. The thoughts in his head were crossing so many boundaries.

 

“Sir.” A shiver runs up Kylo’s spine and he can’t pinpoint why. “I don’t think that talking about our feelings is crossing any boundaries. It is what friends do, they are there for each other. They talk.”

 

_Friends._

“We’re not friends, Miss. Niima.” The words leave a distaste on his tongue. It was a lie; he knew it was. They had been friends, all those years ago. They were practically family but something has changed. In the time they have spent apart, they’ve grown up. Ben is no longer that lanky, awkward teenager who would spend his free time playing hide-and-seek with a five-year-old. Rey is no longer that little brat with the three buns in her hair.

 

“Then what are we, Kylo? Because we sure as hell aren’t passing acquaintances.” Kylo shudders at her words. This was the first time that she had called him by his first name but not his real name and somehow, it had left an ache in his chest.

 

 _My name is Ben_ , he wants to say but he can’t form the words. Instead he does what he always did, he lies to himself... and to her. “We are work colleagues who get along.”

 

“Okay. If that’s what you call it but as far as I am aware, Phasma and I are work colleagues who get along. And I definitely haven’t confessed my past trauma to her but if that’s what you want to label it, we’ll leave it at that.”

 

“Rey-”

 

“It may be wise that we start acting like it too. Have a good day, Mr. Ren. Just remember what I said. I’ll be here when you decide to open up but I can’t wait forever.” She stands there, looking at him through her lashes. He knows that she was waiting for him to say something, anything. His mouth begins to dry up, and he can barely catch his breath. Her face begins to fall when she realises that he wasn’t going to open up. She shakes her head gently and turns away.

 

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Don’t go. Please don’t go._ He internally begs her to turn back to him but she doesn’t even pause before she shuffles out of his office.

 

His chest tightens so forcefully that it feels like he is choking. His numb hands manage to find his phone in his pocket. He dials the only number he knew by heart. The phone rings twice before the person on the other end picks up. “Mom, I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts about Kylo and Rey's past are intentionally left vague so that I can explore them in later chapters. 
> 
> I also went back and fixed up chapter 3 (Kylo's POV) slightly so that it matches this chapter in that he knows who Rey is. 
> 
> As this fic is unbeta'd, I'm open to any suggestions that you may have. It's very hard to proof-read your own work so if you guys notice any mistakes, don't be afraid to let me know. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone that has left a comment so far. They really give me the warm and fuzzies.


	8. All roads, they lead me here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirtless Kylo. That's it. That's all I have to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was intending to post this a bit later than this because Uni has gone back and I'm working more hours now so I haven't got the time to write like I used to. However, you guys left such lovely feedback on the last chapter, I just had to thank you all. This chapter is a little shorter than they have been but the next chapter is like twice the length. 
> 
> Anyway, I don't know if any of you have seen the novelisation leaks but holy shit, you guys. I'm going to be a mess when I get my hands on this fanfic tomorrow.
> 
> Song: The Last time by Taylor Swift

“Peanut!” Finn calls out from the kitchen and Rey jumps, startled for a moment, before she is pulled back into reality.

 

“Yeah?” She yells back, running a hand over her face. The exhaustion is finally hitting her. She’d been staring at the document Kylo had given her for hours and she still felt like she hadn’t made any progress.

 

“Do you want pizza for dinner?” Finn questions and Rey grumbles. Sometimes she wished she could have a cooked meal but unfortunately, neither of them could cook.

 

“Whatever you want, Finn.”

 

“Cheese?” Her stomach growls at the thought, maybe she was hungrier than she realised.

 

“Do I ever have anything else?” Rey lets out a dry laugh and she hears Finn chuckle from the kitchen.

 

“You never know, you may have an epiphany and realise that there are other toppings too.”

 

“Not in this lifetime.” She teases and she hears him mumbling their order into the phone as she returns to her work.

 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

 

She’s deep into the third page of transactions when her head begins to throb. She straightens up a bit, body stiff, but her pain is forgotten when she circles the date in front of her.

 

“Ah-ha!” Rey shrieks and jumps up from the seat, knocking over various items on her desk. Finally, after two weeks she’s found it.   

 

“Peanut?” She looks up from her lit up desk over to the door. Rey’s eyes adjust to the darkness, where Finn’s silhouette slouches.

 

“Yeah?” Her face immediately wrinkles up, feeling slightly panicked.

 

“What are you doing? Why are still awake? It’s two in the morning.” His voice is raspy, thick with sleep. She taps her phone and sure enough, the screen reads 0218. Had she really been sitting at her desk for that long? Rey suddenly feels awful for waking him up at such a ridiculous time.

 

“Sorry, Finn. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m just so happy.” Rey frowns and Finn’s lip twitches, until it finally turns into a smile. Finn flicks her second light on and she blinks rapidly.

 

“Well I’m awake now so you may as well share with me what you’re so happy about.” He shuffles over to the desk and looks over her shoulder.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure.” She replies, still frazzled. “Two weeks ago, Kylo Ren gave me this document containing years’ worth of transactions. Neither of us have been able to figure out why the total is always off. I finally figured it out.” A grin spreads across her face.

 

Finn picks up the paper and takes a couple of steps back. Rey suddenly feels aware that maybe he shouldn’t be looking at it. This was Finn, though. He wasn’t going to tell anybody. She watches carefully as he scans the words, his hand stroking his chin. Something flashes across his face, nervousness? She couldn’t quite tell.

 

“What? What’s wrong?” Rey questions, her eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

 

“You said Kylo Ren gave you this?” She nods cautiously. “Did he say why?” He looks at her then, eyes full of concern.

 

“No, not really. He just said he needed a second pair of eyes. What’s going on, Finn? You’re worrying me.” Rey begins to chew on her nails as she waits for Finn’s response.

 

“Oh no, don’t worry. I thought it was something else but I was mistaken. Don’t stress. I’m glad you finally figured it out. They’re lucky to have you.” Finn forces a smile and Rey’s eyes narrow, she doesn’t believe him.

 

“Thanks.” She says quickly. Finn places the piece of paper back on her desk and leaves her alone again.

 

\-------------------

 

Rey runs into the office the next morning, completely flustered. She had slept through her alarm and she wasn’t at all surprised. Not after she stayed up until 3am this morning to work on the case, a case which she really knew nothing about.

 

With Kylo’s document in one hand and her phone in the other, she barrels down the hallway. She’s sure that she hears Rose call out to her but she ignores it. She needs to get into her office before Kylo notices she is late.

 

Her shoulders sag and her chest empties when she sees that he’s not in yet. Not that he had been in in the last three days anyway. She can’t help but feel concerned that he isn’t there again, perhaps he’s sick. However, she can’t help but feel annoyed because the one day she actually wanted him there, he wasn’t.

 

Rey quickly ducks into the toilet, to fix whatever mess she was in. She almost weeps when she looks in the mirror, she looks like she just ran a marathon. Her hair’s a bird’s nest on the top of her head, beads of sweat had trickled down her temples, and she looks like a beetroot.

 

Sighing, she pulls her hair into a top knot and splashes her face with cold water. It would have to do. She readjusts her clothes and push on the wooden doors. She glances over at his office at the end of the hall but the lights are still off. It looks like he wasn’t going to be in again today. She curses to herself, he needs to hear what she has found. This can’t wait until Monday. She needs to reach him and the bastard isn’t answering his phone. _If only_ …Rey smirks. She has an idea.

 

“Is Mr. Ren still not here?” Rey asks both Rose and Mitaka.

 

“Nope. Can’t say I miss him, though.” Mitaka exclaims and Rey can’t help but laugh. He looks so much more relaxed with Kylo away.  She’d never heard him offer up so many words voluntarily before.

 

“I wish I could just not turn up for a week and not have to explain myself.” Rose folds her arms over her chest and huffs.

 

“Rose, can I ask a huge favour?” Rey places her forearms on the desk and leans forward so that she could see Rose better over the tall counter.

 

“Sure.” Rose says, without missing a beat. Rey suddenly feels embarrassed to ask. She could stop now, just leave, no one would have to know.

 

“This is probably against company protocol or something, so don’t feel obliged to do it.” Rose sits up taller in her seat and her eyes widen in curiosity. “Could you please look up his address for me?”

 

“Yeah but why?” Rose’s face scrunches up.

 

“I figured something out that is imperative to the case he’s working on but he won’t answer his bloody phone. I’ve called him a dozen times and have left a bunch of pissed off messages and still no luck.” Rey throws her arms in the air.

 

“As long as you go over there and kick his ass for being such a dick.” Rose smirks and leans back in her black, leather chair.

 

Rey taps her chin lightly, pretending to be considering the proposition. “Sounds tempting but I’d like to keep my job.”

 

“I have a feeling that you could punch him in the face and he still wouldn’t fire you.” Rose pulls herself closer to the desk so that she could type something.

 

“I don’t even want to start with how wrong you are about that.” Rey babbles, her voice going low as she stares in disbelief.

 

“We’ll see.” Rose hands Rey a post-it note with an address on it. Rey’s cheeks suddenly burn.

 

“Thanks for this, Rose.” Rose just gives her a shit eating grin in response.

 

\------------------

 

Rey stands apprehensively at the front of the apartment building. The thing is stunning and of course he has the penthouse. She counts to ten and tells herself it is time. Her hand reaches for the handle of the glass door when it is pulled away from her. She is welcomed by a man, who she assumes is the doorman. She didn’t really know; she’d only seen this sort of stuff in movies.

 

Rey’s mouth falls open at the sight of the lobby. The chandelier on the roof would’ve been worth more than her apartment. Her eyes take in everything before she notices the elevator in the far corner.

 

“Miss?” Rey ignores the voice, certain that they weren’t talking to her.

 

“Miss!” The voice is louder this time. She turns to see a man standing behind a desk.

 

“Oh, hi. Sorry, I didn’t realise you were talking to me.” Rey blushes and rubs the back of her neck. She shuffles over to the desk and the man gives her a once over. His eyes are full of judgement and Rey suddenly feels two feet tall.

 

“Are you here to see someone?” He asks.

 

“Oh, ah, yes. I’m here to see Kylo Ren.”

 

“Is he expecting you?”

 

“Uhm…no.” She offers up shyly. Oh god, this was a stupid idea.

 

“Well I suggest you leave. We can’t let stragglers off of the street in.” He turns away from her, busying himself with something out of her view. She hadn’t made it this far, just to be turned away by some pompous clerk.

 

“Wait. Could you just call him or something?” He twists back to Rey and gives her a death glare. He reluctantly picks up the phone beside him and presses a few buttons. His eyes remain narrowed as he waits for him to answer.  

 

“Mr. Ren, there is a lady here to see you.” Rey can hear a muffled voice on the other end of the line. He pulls the phone away from his lips and places his hand over the speaker. “What is your name?” The man asks abruptly, his tone far flatter than when he was talking to Kylo.

 

“Rey.”

 

“She says her name is Rey.” The man makes no effort to conceal his annoyance. “Hmm, yes. Right away, Sir.” He slams the phone down and stalks around the desk.

 

Rey watches in disbelief as he trudges across the tiled floor, without so much as a single word. He comes to halt and yells over his shoulder.

 

“Are you coming?” Rey blinks quickly and runs to his side. He tugs on the card lassoed to his belt and presses it to the small box beside the elevator doors. The doors open and he motions for Rey to enter. He doesn’t follow her in, instead he curls his body around the corner and presses the top button labelled 15. He turns his back to her and walks away.

 

Rey counts as the numbers on the roof increase. She takes one final look at herself in the mirror and steps out of the elevator. As Rey lifts her hand to knock, the door is flung open by Kylo.

 

Rey almost chokes on her spit. Suddenly, she is glad that her bag is on her shoulder because she’s sure she would’ve dropped anything that may have been in her hands.

 

There Kylo Ren was, standing half naked in front of her. Wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants, and he is certainly not sick. She watches as a bead of sweat trickles down his jaw and drops onto his collarbone. Rey tears her eyes away from his muscular body. The man is built like a brick shithouse. She still hadn’t spoken and he is just standing there, one eyebrow quirked up and smug look on his face.

 

 _Asshole. He knew I was coming up and he didn’t put a shirt on_.

 

Fuck. This wasn’t the way she’d thought this day was going to go. Kylo clears his throat and she feels the blood rush to her cheeks.

 

“Is it that damn hard to answer your phone?” She snaps.

 

“I turned it off.” Kylo shrugs and a runs a hand through his hair.

 

“Why? And don’t you own a shirt?” Her gaze drops down to his chest again. This time she was able to snap out of it before it became awkward.

 

“Needed some time to think and yes, several. I was in the middle of a workout.” He says, offering up information to a question she hadn’t asked. It didn’t mean she wasn’t thinking it though.

 

“Okay?” Rey shakes her head. “I’m still angry at you by the way and now I’m angry with you for falling off the face of the earth for a week.” She deadpans.

 

“Noted. What are you doing here?” Kylo leans in closer, staring at her lips. His eyes are so much darker now and why couldn’t she breathe all of a sudden? He barely seems fazed by their proximity. It is too close, she needs to pull away.

 

“I need you to look at these.” She fumbles around in her bag. Tearing the papers from the bag, she shoves them into his chest and diverts her eyes, looking anywhere but where she had just touched.

 

His eyebrows furrow as he scans the documents. “You came all the way over here to show me this? We could’ve talked about this on Monday.”

 

“Don’t even start. How was I to know if you were even going to be back on Monday? Are you telling me you would’ve been back?”

 

“Maybe.” He offers up and leans against the door frame. His body takes up majority of the doorway, blocking her view into the apartment.

 

“You know; you are a terrible liar for a lawyer.” Rey shakes her head, tilting it slightly to the side, sizing him up. She can see straight through him.

 

“So I’ve been told.” He says smugly and Rey rolls her eyes. Why is he like this?

 

 “I have found something that could very well turn this case around, and you…” She pokes him on his sternum, her pointer finger pressing on the bone. “Don’t answer your phone.” Rey feels him flinch and pull away slightly, so that her finger loses contact with his skin.

 

“Wait, how did you know where I live?” He looks out the door, looking up and down the small hallway. Rey had no idea what he expected to see. “How did you even get here?” He adds on.

 

“Subway and then a bus.” She chooses to ignore the first question, not wanting to snitch on Rose. “Some of us don’t have three cars to pick from depending on our mood.”

 

“What? Really?” Rey rolls her eyes.

 

“No but seriously, look at this. This is what we needed.” She points to the date circled boldly with red pen. Kylo pauses for a second and licks his lips. Rey smiles when his eyes widen in realisation.

 

Ben sighs and moves from the doorway. “Come in.”

 

Rey hesitates for moment and nods sheepishly. Her shoulder brushes softly against his chest and she shudders at the contact. She pauses to take in the apartment and scoffs.

 

“For fuck’s sake, do colours not exist to you? This is as bad as your office.” She skips around the living room, inspecting everything. Kylo remains by the door with his arms folded, his eyes never moving from her. Rey couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head. She picks up a small vase from the wall unit and quickly returns it to its position on the black glass, feeling as though she was intruding.

 

“I like it. Makes it easier to decorate when you don’t have to match colours. I must admit, I’m not good at design.” She finally turns back to him, and sees that he was watching in amusement as she considers his words, and she shrugs in agreement.

 

“No shit, Sherlock. You have money, you could just hire someone to do it.” She states blatantly, not afraid to speak the facts. He chuckles- at her bluntness, she assumes.

 

Rey smiles at him weakly and his face falls slowly. His eyes remain completely fixated on her and the air around her begins to thicken. She tears her eyes away and focuses on a speckle on the floor. Rey couldn’t tell how long they stood in silence, how long he stared at her while she was having a staring contest with a speck of dust. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she tilts her chin back to him. He winces, it was subtle but she notices it.

 

“Ah, make yourself comfortable. I need to have a shower.” He motions to the couch and suddenly Rey was aware again that her boss was standing half naked in front of her. He didn’t make an effort to move though.

 

“Good idea, you stink.” She scrunches up her nose.

 

“Thanks.” He deadpans but Rey can see amusement twinkling in his eyes.

 

“Well you don’t need my permission. However, if you want to get rid of that stench, I recommend you take one.” Rey teases, feeling the need to break the tension rising between them.

 

“Fuck off.” His words are serious but he is chuckling. “Help yourself to whatever is in the cupboard. The TV remote is beside the TV. I won’t be long.” He gives her one last smile before he disappears down the hall. Rey is left standing breathless in the middle of the living room. This was not a good idea; she is so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was Kylo doing in the shower? ;)  
> I'm only joking...or am I?
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has commented or left Kudos. Please feel welcome to leave feedback- positive or constructive criticism, or theories if you have any.


	9. You're the only one that I'll ever know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic Reylo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow guys, I can't believe how damn thirsty some of you are. I love it. You may even be more thirsty than Rey. I hadn't intended to write Kylo in the shower at all and then all the comments had me thinking. I sat down to write it and went no it doesn't fit. But I promise smut is coming shortly. 
> 
> This was a pretty quick update cause I kinda felt bad about the last chapter. I owe you guys some plot. Not that this has much plot anyway- it's just fluff.

 

Rey finds herself rummaging through Kylo Ren’s pantry. She needed something to distract her from thinking about her attractive and very naked boss in his shower. She groans at every item she picks up. None of it was edible, well by itself. Maybe if you cooked it, which she was not going to do. Flour, spices, pasta. Rey sighs, shutting the cupboard and giving up. She eyes off the bowl of fruit on the countertop. Nope she was not that hungry to resort to that. Coffee. Coffee will do.

 

She’s not even surprised when she notices the fancy coffee machine beside the fridge. It’s small but it looks a whole lot more complicated than the one in the office. She grabs a capsule and shoves it in the top and presses a few buttons. She grins triumphantly when it begins to work.

 

Rey plonks down on the couch and she feels like she could curl up on it and stay there forever. It was so fucking comfortable. She tucks one foot under her bottom and brings the other knee up to her chest. She just sits there, gawking at the blank TV screen.

 

“Did you find everything okay?” Kylo’s voice causes her to look up from her coffee cup.

 

“Hmm?” She chokes on the liquid, thankful that her lips were still on the mug. She gives a small cough to conceal the sputtering. He had a shirt on now but he may as well not have, it wasn’t any better. The white material clung to his body, highlighting every muscle of his torso. She turns away and places her mug onto the coffee table.

 

“Oh, yeah.” She says as she pulls herself from the couch. Kylo smiles and turns into the kitchen, she prances in after him. He throws open the cupboards and begins pulling items from the shelves.  

 

“What are you looking for?” Rey questions, peering over his shoulder.

 

“Something for dinner.” Kylo’s brows furrow in thought.

 

“Well there’s not much in there.” Rey sighs and her tummy gives a little rumble.

 

“You’re right.” Kylo folds his arms and shifts his weight to one leg, studying her for a moment.

 

“I could order us something.” She looks at his home phone and turns to face Kylo.

 

“And what do you plan on ordering?” He leans back onto the bench, amusement etched on his face. She frowns. She hadn’t thought that far through.

 

“I don’t know. What do you eat?” She says after a moment.

His eyes soften. “Come on.” His hand curls around her elbow and he tugs her softly. He grabs his keys from the bench and her bag from the floor and passes it to her. His hand remains rested on her skin when they exit the front door.

 

“Where are we going?” She questions Kylo when they are in the elevator.

 

“I’m taking you to a supermarket so I can buy ingredients for a real dinner.”

 

“But what about the _important information_ that I discovered?” Rey pouts.

 

“That can wait. It’s not going anywhere and besides i can hear your stomach growling. Can’t have you passing out on me.” He smiles at her over his shoulder and the elevator dings when it reaches the lobby.

 

They pass the clerk at the front desk side by side and he gives Kylo a nod. Kylo ignores him and Rey smiles behind her hand. He leads her to a black sports car on the street. She shakes her head, he’s so predictable. She wonders why the car is on the street and then realises that he probably does have three cars and this is the ‘cheap’ one that gets demoted to the street. He opens the passenger door for her and she mumbles a thankyou as she slides into the seat.

 

The drive is fairly quiet, neither of them sure of what to say. Rey would catch Kylo looking at her, every now and then. His face was often wrinkled in thought. She relaxes slightly when they pull into the parking lot. Rey grabs a trolley and Kylo offers to take it but she told him to buzz off. He only chuckles at her response.

 

Rey would chuck whatever would catch her eye, into the trolley. The trip had mostly consisted of Kylo walking ahead of Rey and pulling items from the shelf. Rey would pick up something up every now and then. Kylo wouldn’t notice until he placed something in the trolley. He would just give her a look and scoff. She would just shrug and explain that food had somehow ‘fallen into the trolley’. Despite his serious looks, Rey could tell that he found it amusing. When Rey was satisfied that she had enough food to last any normal human, she was sure at least a week, she asked Kylo if he was ready to go.

 

“Look at all this food. You’ll be bouncing off of my walls.” Kylo states as he begins placing the items onto the conveyer belt.

 

“These are 25% fruit with no added preservatives. They’re good for me.” Rey holds up the juice boxes to Kylo and he rolls his eyes.

 

“Great. Sugar to wash down more sugar. God help me.”

 

“Come on, Mr. Ren, I know there has to be something here that you like.”

 

“That’s not the point.” Kylo’s nose scrunches.

 

“Fine but I’ll be the one laughing when you’re begging for one of my juice boxes.” Rey crosses her arms and tilts her chin up defiantly. She leans carefully against the register behind her, leaving Kylo to place the rest of the items on the belt.

 

“Believe whatever you want, Miss Niima.” Kylo clucks his tongue and reaches around her to place some tomatoes and mince onto the register.

 

“You really do cook?” Rey asks.

 

“Yep.” He says simply.

 

“Wow” Rey’s eyebrows rise. This got her attention, she would’ve assumed that he hired a personal chef or something.

 

“Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”

 

Rey considers it for a moment. Before her stands Kylo Ren, a grouchy millionaire who spends more time at work than home, and he’s telling her that he cooks. “Ah, yeah.”

 

Kylo reaches around her again, placing the final thing on the register.

“You’re in for a shock then.”

 

“No, I’ve got this.” Rey says as Kylo begins to reach for his wallet. “I can’t let you do that. This is my food that I picked up.” Kylo waves his hand in the air and hands the card to the man behind the register.

 

“Relax, Miss Niima. It’s the least I can do.” The cashier gives them a funny look. Rey could see him trying to work out whatever the dynamic was between them. _You and me both, buddy,_ Rey thought.

 

“Okay, Okay. Thank you” Rey huffs, feeling defeated and somewhat uneasy about her boss buying her groceries.

 

The two of them walk out of the shopping centre, Rey is carrying most of the bags. Mainly just to prove a point. What point? She doesn’t really know. Kylo had offered to take more but she shrugged him off.

 

Kylo opens the boot of his car and places his bags in first. He takes a step back allowing Rey to put hers in.

 

“Thanks for getting this.” She says as she puts the last bag down and turns towards him. She gasps when she realises how close he is to her. Rey chews at her lip, surprised by her increasingly regular and new habit. She is gazing up at him with blurred eyes, and she tries to ignore his clear awkwardness. A car door slams somewhere across the parking lot, pulling the two apart. Rey is suddenly grateful that they are in a public place.

 

“You’re welcome.” Kylo finally whispers as he reaches over her and shuts the boot.

 

  

\----------------------

 

Kylo begins to pull items from the cupboard as soon as they return to his apartment. Rey stands back and marvels at how at ease he appears to be. She finds herself smiling as he rummages through ingredients and at the little frown that forms when he doesn’t find what he’s looking for.

 

“What are you making?” She asks as she walks up to the counter next to him. She picks up a bottle of paprika and wrinkles her nose. She has no idea what it even is.

 

“Spaghetti and meatballs. Do you eat that?” His eyebrow shot up in question.

 

“Yep. What were you going to do if I said no?” Rey turns to face him, her arms folded and her left hip pressed lightly against the bench.

 

“Make them anyway and you could just starve.” He chuckles as he throws some uncooked pasta into a pot and turns the stove on.

 

“Ass.” She says apathetically but a smile had begun to form on her lips.

 

He winks. “That’s me.”

 

“You want to cut up the tomatoes for me?” He questions as he holds out the bunch they had just bought.

 

“Uh…” She looks sheepishly at them and rubs the back of her neck. He studies her for a moment and smirks.

 

“You can’t cook, can you?”

 

“That would be a no.” Rey watches as Kylo grins. He places a chopping board in front of her and hands her a knife. She reaches over reluctantly and takes it in her hands, her fingertips brushing his. He is hunched over now, his elbows resting on the bench. He leans in closer to her. She tears her gaze from him and bites her lip, unsure of where to start.

 

“Come on, you can cut up a tomato. Surely?” His grin looks absolutely wicked, as he watches her become increasingly more flustered. Surely there was something else he could be doing, like stirring the pasta. She holds the blade above the tomato and turns to look at him, shooting him a warning look. _If I burn this apartment down, it’s your fault._

 

“I make no guarantees.” Rey says and she notices the way his eyes lower to her lips.  “Who taught you to cook?” Rey questions, trying to bring the attention away from herself. He instantly straightens up to check on the pasta and meat, ignoring her questioning stare.

 

“I used to help my mom out in the kitchen and around the house. My dad was away a lot so I tried to help her out as much as I could.” He explains calmly but he refused to look her in the eye. Something has happened between him and his family. She could see the agitation in his posture when he spoke of them.

 

“That’s really sweet of you.” Rey’s chest tightens at the thought of a young Kylo pattering around the house, determined to help his mom in any way that he could. It was a thought Rey was envious of. She had her grandfather but it wasn’t the same. He was away so often for work and she was left on her own a lot. She tried her best not to complain, at least she had a family of some sort, unlike Finn who had grown up in the foster system.

 

“Shut up.” His eyes narrow and she can’t suppress her laughter.

 

“You need to move in with me and Finn. You’ll understand what true mess and surviving on takeaway looks like.” She begins cutting up the tomato, attempting to dice it like the chefs did on cooking shows. She just shakes her head at the mess in front of her. It was turning into puree and she hoped Kylo could salvage it.

 

“I’ll pass on that offer.” She giggles at the thought of him living with them. She could only imagine the arguments that he and Finn would get into.

 

“So are we going to talk about the thing that you came over here for or just about my domestic life?” Kylo turns to face her, waving a spatula in the air.

 

“Oh, yes. Hang on.” She runs over to the coffee table in the living room to fetch the papers. She returns to the kitchen and sits on of the bar stools that originally rested under the bench. Rey watches Kylo crosses the kitchen and places his elbows on the bench beside her. He leans over and his gaze is directly on her own. All of a sudden, the corner between them didn’t seem like enough.

 

“So I was sitting there for hours trying to work out why the total never added up. Then I realised that on the second of April there was a transfer of $200,000 to an account but then that $200,000 was given back a day later.” Rey points to the red circle and Kylo’s gaze drops to the paper.

 

“What? That doesn’t make any sense. Was it a mistake?” He looks at her again, his eyebrows furrowed.

 

“That’s what I thought originally and I think it was but look.” Rey flips through the pages until she finds the one that she wants. “This account comes up multiple times throughout the year. It’s always the same amount and by adding up it quickly, it has to be billions.”

 

“It could just be someone that the business deals with a lot.” Kylo tilts his head in thought.

 

“Yeah, except the bank identifier code doesn’t belong to any bank in the world.” Rey flips to the page where she had scrawled down every possible bank name.

 

“So if this money is going into a non-existent bank, this is pretty much an untraceable account?”

 

Rey thinks for a moment. “Basically.”

 

Kylo takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly, “Shit.”

 

“Yeah.” Her eyes are searching his now, trying to understand what it meant, but his facial expressions aren’t giving much away. There is something going on with this case and everyone seemed to know what it was, except her and it made her stomach churn.

 

\-----------------------

 

The two sit in silence at the dinner table. Rey couldn’t find the words to describe how good the pasta was. She didn’t want to have to stop eating in order to say something. Kylo’s eyes remain trained on her as she shoves food in her mouth, his lips twitching every now and then, and a smile broke lose every so often. Rey felt like she should be embarrassed but her stomach was a bottomless pit, and she didn’t feel bad about it at all. She picks up the bowl once she finished the last mouthful and Kylo’s eyebrow quirk up. She brings it to her mouth and licks it clean. Kylo lets out a belly chuckle and Rey smiles with a blush.

 

Rey watches him until his amusement subsides and he looks at her intensely.  “Can I ask you something?”

 

“I guess.” He tilts his head to the side.

 

“Why haven’t you come into the office for so long?” She presses.

 

“Do you want the real reason or the excuse I told Hux?” He asks flatly. Rey watches as he twirls his uneaten spaghetti around his fork and then untwists it again.

 

 “The truth, Kylo.” What kind of a question was that? Of course she wanted the truth.

 

He hesitates for a moment. “I’ve been feeling… _a lot_ , lately. I needed to figure some things out.”

 

“What about? If you don’t mind me asking.” She stutters when she realises she may be overstepping. It was a miracle that he had even said this much. “I mean; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

 

“No, it’s okay. There’s just a lot going on with Snoke at the moment. I don’t agree with some of the stuff he’s been doing.” The clang of cutlery hitting ceramic fills the room but Rey doesn’t look away from his face. Something she can only describe as pain flashes across his features and his eyes dart around the room, looking at anything other than her. Suddenly, it becomes clearer. Kylo Ren resents Snoke, she had no idea why but whatever it was, he has truly hurt Kylo.

 

Her eyes widen when it all falls into place. “What we’re working on, it has something to do with Snoke doesn’t it?”

 

“Rey, I-” Kylo begins to fiddle with the edges of his plate. He still hasn’t looked at her and she knows something is wrong. Whatever it is, it is really bothering him. She knows what he had already told her was very hard for him to admit. He wasn’t ready to say anything else and she wasn’t going to push him.

 

“It’s okay, Kylo. I trust whatever it is that you’re doing and I don’t know why because Finn has given me every reason to believe otherwise.”

 

His head shoots up. “Finn said something to you?”

 

“He didn’t have to. The look on his face when he saw what I was working on, said enough.” That and the way Kylo had just reacted. Rey was not stupid; she knew there was something bigger going on here. Kylo and Finn seemed to know a lot more than she did. Were they working together on something? It was quite possible and she was not going to dismiss the idea.

 

“I wish I could tell you more, Rey. I will, I promise. Just not yet though. It’s still too dangerous. If something goes wrong, I can’t promise that I can protect you.” His eyes soften.

 

“I appreciate that but I don’t need your protection.” She says defiantly but she can’t stop the flutter in her chest as a result of his words.

 

“I know that but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.” Rey turns away for a moment, gazing down at her lap, and she twiddles her thumbs. His words hung in the air. What did they mean? He wanted to protect her and Rey wanted to let him. She can feel his gaze on her.

 

“You could leave, you know.” She breaks the silence between them.

 

“It’s not that simple.”

 

“It could be. I’ll help you.” Rey whispers and leans forward. She slowly runs her hand across the table, her hand inching closer to his. She laces her right little finger with his. Her body recoils at the intimacy of it but her hand remains intertwined with his. Kylo’s eyes drop to their hands and back up to her eyes. His gaze darkens- it’s hungry and knowing.

 

“I can’t ask you to do that for me.” He says softly. There’s something in his eyes. Why is he so reluctant to leave? All he has to do is walk away, unless…

 

“There’s something else, isn’t there? What has he got over you?”

 

“I did something bad, a long time ago now but it could get me in a lot of trouble.”

 

“Oh god.” She murmurs breathlessly. She drops her head into her left hand, trying to absorb the information. What had he done that was so bad that Snoke could keep him like a pet? The thought made her sick. Not just that Kylo had done something potentially very awful but the fact that Snoke had so much power over him. She was tossing up whether to ask what he done but decided it was better if she didn’t know. Not yet, anyway.

 

“I know.” He says flatly.

 

“He’s a really bad person, isn’t he?” She pulls her head from her hand to look at Kylo.

 

“Yes. Rey, you should get out while you still can. Just leave, you’ve got your whole career ahead of you.”

 

“No.”

 

“Rey-” He starts. He says her name with so much concern, it makes Rey’s eyes widen.

 

“No. I won’t let him intimidate me.” Rey refuses to back down. She is not going to run away from this. She is knee deep in it now. She is going to finish what they had started. Whatever _it_ was.

 

An awkward silence settles between them, and Rey tries to shake the tension between them before it started sending chills down her spine. She wants to pull her hand from his but can’t bring herself to lose the warmth of his touch. His eyes darken again and Rey shudders. She tucks her chin into her chest and begins to stare at her empty bowl. Her fingers slip a strand of hair behind her ear like she does when she’s anxious.

 

She looks at him again and his gaze has become glassy.

 

“Kylo?”

 

“Mhm?” He shakes his head slightly and raises his eyebrows.

 

“You’re staring.” She looks at him through her lashes.

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“You are.”

 

“I’m trying to understand.” He states.

 

“Understand what?” She asks, biting at her lower lip.

 

“You.” He says quickly and he flinches. Rey gets the impression that he hadn’t intended for that to come out.

 

“What?” She gasps and retreats into her chair. Her finger slips from his and the loss of contact makes her hand tingle. She wasn’t expecting him to answer so truthfully.

 

“You’re so strong. I just- Why do you even _care_ about me? I’ve been nothing but awful to you but you keep coming back. All I do is push you away.” He lowers his head, and Rey can see the pain on his features, the conflict in his eyes.

 

“Yes, you’re an ass, Kylo Ren, but for some reason, I can see beneath the act. I was like you once, after I lost my grandfather. I had all my walls up and then I met Finn. He helped me get through the shit. I can do the same for you, if you’ll let me.”

 

“You’re a better person than me. I’m a lost cause. I don’t deserve your compassion.” Rey feels moisture begin to well in her eyes. He truly believes that he is worth nothing. Rey isn’t prepared for what she was about to do next. She pulls herself from her chair and timidly steps closer to Kylo. His eyes never leave hers as she leans back onto the table in front of him. His chin is tilted up at her, his eyes softer than she had ever seen them. With eyes that she could only describe as puppy eyes, he looks like a young boy, pleading with her to help him.

 

“You could be better; you know? I can’t describe it but I feel like I know you, like I’ve known you my whole life. I’ve never felt this connection with anyone before.” His lips quiver at her words. She fights the urge to wrap her arms around his head and pull him into her chest.

 

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.” He whispers. Rey reaches her hand out in front of her and it trembles at the realisation of what she is about to do. Her fingertips gently trace the tiny scar that runs over his right eye. His eyes close as he savours her touch.

 

“I’ll help you. I swear.” Her fingers trail down his jaw and graze over his lips. Her hand comes to rest on his cheek.

 

“What are you doing to me, Rey.” His voice is gravelly and low. It sends shivers down to her core. He turns his head to the side and leans into her touch. His lips press lightly into her palm. They remain like that for minutes, hours. Rey can’t tell anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. Kylo just wants to cook for his queen.
> 
> And before y'all are like well that moved quickly- I'll just say, did you even watch TLJ?!?!? Our girl shipped herself to our dark side prince after touching his hand. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who comments. I just want to say thank you to the people who comment on almost every chapter. Trust me, I know who each and every one of you are and I can't thank you enough. I dedicate this chapter to you. 
> 
> Song for chapter title: anyone else by PVRIS


	10. What if I told you that I need you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has an itch and these two fools connect but keep denying their desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, a quick update, would you look at that. I don't know what has gotten into me...oh, I know, it's called avoiding doing the 3 essays you have due in the next fortnight. 
> 
> The feedback you guys gave me on my last chapter really made me want to write more and alas- we have a new chapter. 
> 
> The rating has gone up *wiggles eyebrows*. It's not really so much for this chapter as it is for next chapters. That's right, you heard me SMUT IS COMING

Kylo’s head is resting in Rey’s lap, his large palms lay tenderly on her thighs. She is gently running her fingers through his hair. Neither of them had spoken for the longest time but words weren’t needed. There was an unspoken agreement between them; they were going to be there for each other no matter what. Rey stares him, completely mesmerised by the man clinging onto her for dear life. He’s not who she thought he was. She knew that the façade he had on for so long wasn’t the real Kylo Ren but she hadn’t expected him to be so…soft, and compassionate. All of his layers were washed away and all that remained was a broken man who seemed to care deeply for her. Rey internally groans- she was falling for her boss. Not that it mattered anymore, they were way beyond work buddies. She had no idea what they were but that was a conversation for another time. They had made so much progress, she didn’t want to ruin it with a stupid question.

 

Her ass is starting to hurt from leaning against the corner of the hardwood and pins and needles are beginning to shoot up her legs. She sighs and tucks a stray piece of raven hair behind his ear.

 

“I should get going. Finn’s probably worried.”

 

“Stay?” He looks up at her now, his eyes pleading. “I don’t want you to go home this late. Besides, it’s the weekend, we don’t have work tomorrow.” Rey begins to straighten up, her body is wedged between him and the table. His hands trail up her legs and rest on her hips.

 

“I don’t know, Kylo.” Uncertainty lines her words. They are stepping into dangerous territory. Under other circumstances, like ones where he wasn’t her boss, she would’ve said yes without a second thought. But part of her wondered why it even mattered, she had just been more intimate with him than she had been with previous boyfriends.

 

“Please?” His voice is tender, barely even audible. It made Rey’s heart crack.

 

“Okay.” She smiles weakly and she feels him relax below her.

 

“There’s a spare bed down the hall. I’ll get you something to sleep in. Would you like a shower?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Kylo stands up from the chair and his hands fall from her hips. He puts his arms above his head and stretches. And just like that, they were back to how they were before. Almost as though what had just occurred between them, had never happened. The only evidence that remains is his dishevelled hair and the pinkness of his right cheek.

 

Rey watches as he disappears down the hall and returns with towels and set of clothes in his arms.

 

“Here’s a towel and some of my clothes. Sorry, they’ll probably be too big on you.” He places them in her hands and gives her a smile.

 

“It’s fine, thanks.” She blushes lightly when she realises that she was going to be wearing his clothes.

 

“The bedroom is down the hall, on the right.” He stands there, glaring- almost as if he was waiting for something. There were those hungry eyes again, did he have any idea what they did to her? She feels the familiar sensation of heat pooling in her lower abdomen. An occurrence that was becoming quite regular when she was around Kylo. She pushes past him, grabs her phone from her handbag and shuffles down the hall.

 

Rey throws the sweatpants and black T-shirt on to the bathroom floor and hangs the towel on the hook beside the shower. She glances into the large mirror and groans. She looks incredibly flushed and it was his fault. She ensures that the door is locked and steps into the steaming shower.

 

Rey internally battles with herself for a moment and finally gives in. Her hand snakes down her stomach, until it reaches her mound. Her fingers are wet from the water as she spreads her legs slightly to allow her hand to move. She presses her head against the cold tile, her other hand palms softly at her breast. She closes her eyes and takes in a shaky breath, trying her best to keep her moans silent. Her fingers trail up and down her folds, occasionally circling her sensitive bud.

 

She can feel her orgasm building slowly with each flick of her clit. Her breathing becomes erratic as her hips begin to grind on her hand. She picks up the pace, pushing a bit harder, moving her hand so that her fingers trace along her slit.

 

“Kylo.” She murmurs into the water, imagining his hands in place of her own. She tips her head back as she reaches her release. Her orgasm comes so violently that her knees weaken but she catches herself before she slips. She leans her back against the tile as she slows her breathing. Her eyes widen at the realisation that she had just come with his name on her lips and she prays to any god that may be listening, that she said it as quietly as she thought she did.

 

Rey washes any evidence of what she just did down the drain, hoping that her increasing desire for Kylo goes down too. Who is she kidding? Of course she can’t just wash those feelings away, but it doesn’t mean that she can’t try.

 

She pulls on his sweatpants and T-shirt and his scent instantly fills her nostrils. She wraps her arms around her torso, in some sort of false security.

 

Rey reaches for her phone and notices that she has no missed calls, which means that Finn must still be at work. He would’ve called by now if he was home and she was still out.  She sits on the end of the bed and types a message to him.

 

 

**_Rey | 2248_ **

Hey I won’t be home tonight.

 

She stares at the white wall in front of her, her mind occasionally wandering back to Kylo. Her phone buzzes and it causes her to jump.

 

**_Finn | 2252_ **

Are you okay?

 

Rey begins typing again and immediately freezes. Should she tell him the truth? What would Finn think if he knew that she was staying at her boss’s house? She begins to type a long message explaining how she is spending the night at Rose’s after some drinks. She looks at the passage, sighs and hits delete. Screw it, she was going to tell the truth.

 

**_-Rey | 2255-_ **

Yeah, I’m just crashing at Kylo’s place. It’s too late to come home.

 

**_-Finn | 2255-_ **

Kylo? As in Kylo Ren?

 

Rey scoffs, what is he playing at. She knows for a fact that he knows who she’s talking about.

 

**_-Rey | 2256-_ **

How many Kylos do you know? Of course it’s Kylo Ren

 

**_-Finn | 2256-_ **

Peanut, what are you doing at his place?

 

**_-Rey| 2256-_ **

We were working on the case

 

 

**_-Finn|2257-_ **

Okay. Just make smart, safe choices ;)

 

Rey looks at his message in horror. Of course his mind went straight to that. She knew it would. Fuck it, he can think what he wants. Rey knows nothing is going to happen between them.

 

 

**_-Rey | 2258-_ **

OMG FINN!!! IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!!

 

 

**_-Finn | 2258-_ **

I’m just teasing.

But seriously, use protection.

 

 

**_-Rey | 2258-_ **

Goodnight Finn.

 

Rey rolls her eyes and throws the phone onto the bed. She flops backwards onto the mattress and rests her arm over her eyes. She takes in a few deep breaths before she finds the courage to leave the safety of the bed.

 

She tiptoes on the floorboards; she isn’t completely sure why she is concealing her presence. Kylo is curled up in the corner of the couch, frowning as he reads something on his phone. His head shoots up when one of the floorboards creaks under her step. His eyes trail down her body and then fixate on her eyes.

 

“Kylo?” Rey asks timidly.

 

“Hmm?” He hums, his gaze unfocused.

 

“You’re staring again.”

 

“Sorry.” He tears his eyes away from her and looks down at his phone. He switches it off and places it next to him.

 

“Come, sit.” He pats the seat beside him. “We can watch a movie or something.”

 

She freezes. No, no this is not a good idea. She is not going to be able to sit there and be able to resist the urge to curl up beside him.

 

Rey bites her lip. “Actually, I was thinking I might just go to bed. Sorry.”

 

“Oh, no that’s fine. I forgot you went to work today.” He smiles but Rey can hear the disappointment in his words. Fuck, why does she feel so guilty? It’s like she just kicked a puppy. She is almost about to go back on her words when he speaks before she has the chance to open her mouth.

 

“Uh, I’ll see you in the morning. I guess.”

 

“Yeah.” She responds, her hands fiddle with the hem of her shirt. “Night, Kylo.”

 

“Goodnight, Rey.”

 

She hesitates for a moment and Kylo shifts in his seat. He watches her intently, waiting for whatever she is about to do. She smiles weakly, turns on her heel, and forces herself to put one foot in front of the other. Rey lets out of breath of relief when she reaches the bedroom- she had managed to pull herself away.

 

Rey pulls back the covers and slips into the bed. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she places her hand on the empty space beside her. She falls asleep to the familiar feeling of loneliness, regret, and longing churning in the pit of her stomach.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kylo stands over the stove, flipping freshly made blueberry pancakes. He expected Rey would eat pancakes with her extreme sweet tooth. His thoughts drift back to the girl sleeping in his spare bed, for the hundredth time this morning. Was she okay in there? Had he overstepped last night when he clung onto her like she could be ripped from him at any moment? What was she thinking about while his head rested in her lap? Did she feel the raw electricity between their bodies while she stroked his head? He had spent every moment that he was awake fighting the urge to not get into bed with her, wrapping her tiny frame into his arms and never letting her go again.

 

He had been awake for a couple of hours, tossing and turning, begging himself to fall back into darkness. When it never came, he took a long, cold shower. He hadn’t slept well, although this wasn’t unusual. He couldn’t complain, last night was the best sleep he had had in a while.

 

Rey shuffles into the kitchen, rubbing at her eyes. The majority of her hair had fallen from the knot on the top of her head. Kylo’s eyes wander down her body without his permission. Her creamy, toned legs glisten against his back T-shirt, that sits above her knees. She had obviously lost the sweatpants sometime during the night. He almost groans at the sight of her bringing her arms above her head to stretch. A couple more inches and the T-shirt would no longer be covering her ass. His mind suddenly wanders to imagining what she had on underneath… _was she even wearing anything underneath?_ Fuck. He turns his attention back to the pan, not wishing to have a third cold shower within twelve hours.

 

“Are you making breakfast?” Rey asks groggily.

 

“Pancakes. I assumed you would eat them considering their high sugar content.” He jokes.

 

“You assumed correctly.” She giggles.  Kylo couldn’t describe the sounds that escaped her lips but if he had to put it into words, they were smooth and…gooey. They seemed to stick to you, echo in your ears. It was infectious. How fucking cliché and lovesick his thoughts were. What was this woman was doing to him? Did she know what she did to him?

 

“How’d you sleep?” He questions while his focus remains trained on the pancakes.

 

“Truthfully? Not well.” She responds and her tone catches Kylo’s attention. It was tired, almost as though she was over not being able to sleep. Was she like him? Did she also struggle to fall asleep each night?

 

Kylo turns the knob on the cooktop and puts down the spatula. He twists to find that Rey had moved closer to him. She now leans on the bench opposite him. He relaxes into the counter behind himself. She wasn’t looking at him though, her gaze remains on the ground in front of her.

 

“Is that normal for you? Not being able to sleep?”

 

“Yeah.” She frowns and she meets his gaze with a weary sigh.

 

“Me too.” Kylo says. Rey’s eyes widen and then soften.

 

“Is it something in particular?”

 

“I have a pretty good idea of what it is.” His lips tighten into a thin line. “The loneliness, you know? Laying there, in utter darkness, that’s when I realise… I don’t have anyone.” Fuck. He’s never told anyone that before. What is it about her that makes him want to reveal his heart and soul?

 

“I know what you mean. Finn is on the other side of my wall but it wouldn’t make a difference if he wasn’t. I love him but he doesn’t get it. Sitting there in the blackness of the early morning, it’s when I realise that I am alone.” Her confession makes his chest tighten, and his breathing shallows. He understood, oh, he understood. She begins to fiddle with her shirt, the way she always seemed to do when she was nervous. Kylo had picked up on the habit the first time that they had met.

 

“You’re not alone.” His voice is tender, cracking halfway through. Rey’s fiddling stops instantly, her eyes lock on his.

 

“Neither are you.” She replies softly. The tears in her eyes had finally spilled over onto her cheeks.

 

He longs to reach out and touch Rey’s hand, her face, her hair. He craved her, no he _ached_ for her.  She was so fucking beautiful standing in front of him, a complete mess, freshly woken and still flushed from her sleep. Every inch of his body wanted to hold her close, protect her from her nightmares, murmur promises in ear that he’ll always be there for her. He is struck by the growing desire to lean over and kiss the water from her cheeks.

 

“Do you really not have anybody?” Her words are full of pity. Kylo fights the urge to cringe. He didn’t need her sympathy, just her.

 

“I have my mom but she doesn’t understand. She tries and I love her for it but-"

 

“She just keeps trying to fix you.” Rey says knowingly. Kylo nods slightly, she was pretty spot on.

 

“Something like that.” He responds.

 

“What about your dad?”

 

“We had a rocky relationship. We fought more than we got along. He had other ideas about who I should be and he couldn’t accept me for who I was. He tried but in the end, he always failed.” Kylo pauses, unsure of whether to continue. “He died a few years ago.” Kylo watches Rey’s face fall. Any signs of sympathy were gone, only sadness remains. Kylo wants to beg her not to be sad for him. He didn’t deserve it. His father may have been a disappointment, but what he had done to him proved to be just as bad.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kylo felt so guilty, he knew that she had no parents and yet she was the one apologising. He had parents and he drove a wedge between them, pushed them away. And sweet, innocent Rey had no family left at all.

 

“It’s okay.” He waves it off like it was nothing.

 

“No siblings?” He sees hope in her eyes. Was it hope that there was someone there for him? He couldn’t tell.

 

“Nope. There was this one girl. She was like my baby sister but I lost her.” He tells her truthfully, leaving one major detail out…that girl was standing right in front of him.

 

“What happened?” She asks curiously, caution in her tone. She is afraid of his response he realises.

 

“She was taken away from me.” He replies vaguely. Rey opens her mouth and closes it again. Her eyes study his face for a moment.

 

“Do you miss her?” Her eyes are wide and he can see the water pooling in them again.

 

“Everyday.” Kylo frowns when he remembers the days he spent without her. Everyday just as lonely as the last. The only relief he had was when he dreamt of her, but he only woke in heartbreak when he realised she was still gone.

 

“I hope she comes back to you one day.” Rey wraps her lean arms around Kylo’s torso and buries her head into his chest. He feels his body stiffen and instantly relax. His lips rest on top of her head and he breathes in her sweet scent, it’s an intoxicating mix of coconut and sweat.

 

“I think she’s closer to returning to me than she knows.” He whispers into her hair and smiles sadly. Suddenly, he is glad her face iss buried in his chest as his own tears start to trail down his jawline. The salty drops begin to fall into her chestnut curls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes, Rey has a very big itch that she can't seem to scratch herself.  
> Is Finn predicting the future? Yeh, a lil bit.
> 
> I have referenced some of the novelisation in here, if you can't tell where, i wouldn't be surprise bc that damn book was a fanfic I tell you. 
> 
> chapter title comes from the song "What if I told you" by Jonathan Blake Salazar


	11. You, a violent desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was very iffy about writing this chapter because of how it makes Rey appear towards the end. You'll probably understand where I'm coming from when you read it. 
> 
> Anyway, smut is here. Hope y'all enjoy it.

Rey is curled up in his warm embrace. His muscular arms engulfing her whole and his musky scent cocooned her. She feels at peace and safe in his arms. She senses him trembling underneath her grip when something wet drops onto her head. There is only one thing it could’ve been. Kylo Ren is crying and it is beautiful.

 

 

 

Rey wriggles gently from his grasp so that she can see his face. Her arms remain wrapped around his torso as she raises her eyes to his. Kylo’s eyes are puffy, raw, and wild. The salty liquid had left tracks down his cheeks. Rey watches as emotions dance across his face- pain, loneliness, hunger, lust.

 

It's painful to see him like this. All she can do was hold him and let the torrent of his emotions relax. Rey watches him battling to gain control. She leans forward on her tippy toes a places a chaste kiss on his cheek. He freezes underneath her and she pulls back slowly, running her tongue over her lips, tasting the salt from his skin. Kylo’s mouth drops open and his eyes harden. The hunger on his features frightens her, and she needs to stop now before this gets out of control.

 

Rey twists in his grip but his arms linger around her body, his hands clasp over her belly. Rey finds herself leaning into his chest. She picks up the spatula that Kylo had been using and turns the dial on the stove. They stand in silence, staring at the half cooked pancake in the pan. Rey slips the utensil under the batter and smiles brightly when she successfully flips it.

 

“I thought you couldn’t cook.” Kylo murmurs into her ear and Rey blushes.

 

“This isn’t cooking. You already did half of the work.” She says defensively, hoping he didn’t make a habit of letting her near the stove. She would probably set the building alight if she was unattended.

 

Kylo’s chin nuzzles into Rey’s neck as she observes the pancake turn golden. When she assumes that it’s ready, she tries to pry it from the pan and ends up breaking it in half.

 

“I can’t believe you enjoy this.” She huffs when the pancake remains stuck to the bottom of the pan.  She digs forcefully at the doughy mess until it becomes unstuck.

 

“Is it a bad thing?” He questions. His lips brush against the shell of her ear and she shudders.

 

“No, not at all. I could get used to this.” Rey hums and feels Kylo’s muscles tense behind her back. He loosens his grip on her and disappears. She shivers at the loss of his warmth and she twists to find him walking back to her with a bottle of maple syrup in his hand. She smiles and takes it from him, coating her disaster in liquid. Rey takes a bite of the pancake and moans. It tasted so fucking good. How could he be such a good cook?

 

“This is so good.” Rey holds it up to him, offering him some but he shakes his head. Rey shrugs and shovels the whole thing into her mouth. Kylo chuckles as he watches her struggle to chew.

 

“Ah, Rey?” Kylo says cautiously.

 

“Mhm?” She looks up at him with her eyes wide.

 

“You’ve got a bit of syrup.” Kylo points to his face. Rey reddens and wipes vigorously at her cheek. She removes her hand and tilts her face towards him, silently asking whether it was gone.

 

“No, not there. Up a bit.” He shakes his head every time she wipes. He sighs. “Ah, here let me.” He places his hands either side of her face and his eyes drop to her mouth. His thumb swipes over her lips and he licks his own.

 

Kylo suddenly surges forward, crushing his lips against Rey’s. Rey freezes on the spot, her lips unmoving. She feels him begin to pull away and she reacts on instinct. Her hand grabs a fistful of his shirt and tugs him back into her. Her lips finally responding. The kiss is messy at first, sloppy, teeth clattering. Both desperate to inhale the other.

 

Kylo begins to walk them backwards until he hits the bench, his lips never leaving hers. He flips them so that her back is pressed against the corner of the countertop. He pushes his body against hers, the edges of the stone dig into her back but she doesn’t care. All that matters is his body against hers.

 

Rey moans as his lips move across her jawline and he buries his face in her neck. He gives her a tender kiss on her pulse point and begins to suck. Rey is suddenly thankful that she is wedged between him and the counter because her knees give way.

 

“We…we shouldn’t.” Rey whispers breathlessly.

 

“I don’t care, Rey.” Kylo growls into her collar and continues to lick and nip at her neck. Rey tilts her head to allow him better access.

 

“Kylo…” She begins to protest but is silenced by his hand snaking down her side. His hand comes around to cup her ass and he gives a light squeeze. His hands grab around her upper legs and he hoists her up in one swift motion, placing her on the counter. Her legs wrap around his waist and she grabs a handful of his hair. She captures his lips in hers and her pelvis begins to grind against his stomach in an attempt to ease the growing pressure between her thighs.

 

Kylo begins to push softly on her chest, causing Rey to break the kiss. She searches his face, questioning what he wants her to do.

 

“Lie down.” He growls and Rey obeys. His fingers trail along the waistband of her panties and stop at her hips. “May I?” He asks. Rey couldn’t fathom the words to answer him and she just simply nods. Rey arches her back to let him to remove them easily. Once he had them past her knees, he tugs them off roughly and tosses them over his shoulder.

 

Rey tucks her chin into her chest so that she can see him. His calloused hand runs up her inner thigh and she squirms under his touch. His thumb rubs against her clit and her back rises off the cold stone. He slips a thick finger inside her and begins to rub circular motions on her bud.

 

“Fuck, Rey. You’re so wet.” He groans and pushes her legs further apart. He leans over her body and seizes her lips again, taking her bottom lip between his teeth. His left hand grips her chin tightly and his other hand is chaotically pumping in and out of her. Rey whimpers. Her head is swimming from the bliss of his hand fucking her and the hardness of his cock pushed up against her inner thigh.

 

The chiming of the doorbell echoes in the apartment, silencing Rey’s moans. Kylo pauses for a moment and looks towards the door.

 

“Ignore it.” She huffs and pulls his lips back onto hers.

 

“Ren, you better open this fucking door!” Kylo is off her in seconds and she sits up abruptly. His eyes wide as he stares at Rey who is holding the collar of her shirt. 

 

“Shit.” Kylo curses at the realisation that Hux is standing on the other side of that door.

 

“I’ll go hide somewhere.” Rey suggests as she slides off of the bench.

 

“You don’t have to.” Kylo places his hand on her cheek.

 

“Yes I do, Kylo. How are we meant to explain this?” Rey motions between them.

 

“You’re right.” He kisses her forehead and she smiles. She feels Kylo’s gaze on her as she runs into his spare bedroom.  She quickly tugs on Kylo’s sweatpants…SHIT! She had left her hot pink lace underwear on his kitchen floor. Her heart rate instantly speeds up as she presses her ear to the door. She can only just make out what the two men were saying.

 

“Hux.” She hears Kylo speak with annoyance in his tone.

 

“So you are alive and not looking very sick.” Hux fires back. She hears the pattering of shoes on wood.

 

“Cooking some breakfast for yourself, Ren?” His voice was louder now, they had to be in the kitchen. She prays that Kylo had flung her panties somewhere unnoticeable.

 

“What do you want?” Kylo questions tiredly.

 

“Snoke sent me over to check up on you. He is concerned about your wellbeing.” Rey’s nails dig into her palms at the mention of Snoke. He knew Kylo was out of the office for a few days, despite the firm not really having anything to do with him? What else did he know?

 

“I’m fine.” Kylo snaps.

 

“Well I can see that.” Hux comments.

 

Rey can hear muffled speaking; some words were spoken louder than others but she couldn’t pin them together to make sense of it. She cracks the door open slightly, in an attempt to hear better.

 

“If that is all, you can leave now.” Kylo demands after a moment. Rey peeks through the crack and sees two figures move across the lounge room. Kylo walks behind Hux, his arms crossed in annoyance. He stops to look down the hallway and notices the door is open. His eyes lock on Rey’s and he gives her a warning look, causing her to step back out of view.

 

“I’ll be seeing you on Monday.” Hux barely has the chance to finish before the door slams.

 

Rey waits a moment to make sure that he is really gone and shuffles out into the hallway. Her arms wrap around herself as she tries regaining her breath. She watches Kylo still standing by the front door. He exhales, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeeze shut as he tries to think.

 

Rey moves cautiously down the hallway, her arms still curled around her torso. Kylo drops his hand from his face and peers down at her.

 

“He saw your underwear.” Kylo snarls breathlessly but his face is remarkably calm.

 

“Shit. He couldn’t know it was me, could he?” Her face immediately scrunches up, feeling even more panicked than before.

 

“From your panties? I highly doubt it.” He explains and she realises that must have been what they were talking about when she couldn’t hear them. She didn’t know Hux well but she could tell that he hated Kylo. The fact that he had given her that folder that held information about Kylo’s past told her enough. Hux wanted to make his life a living hell.

 

“But Kylo, he knows that someone else was here and that you felt the need to hide them. This is dangerous. What if he figures it out?” Rey questions, her eyes begging him to understand.

 

“He won’t.” Kylo assures her but Rey can’t shake the feeling that this was a bad idea.

 

“You don’t know that. Kylo, maybe this isn’t a good idea.” Rey turns her head away from him and her fingers dig into her sides. Kylo was silent, and it only made her worries intensify. If they were already this reckless, how long would it be until someone figures out what is going on between them?

 

“When was it ever?” He takes a step forward. “Screw everyone else, Rey. This connection between us is so strong, why do we keep trying to fight it?” He tilts her chin up and searches her eyes.

 

“Because you’re my boss for one and if Snoke finds out about us, who knows what he’ll do. I don’t want to give him something else to hold over your head.” She pleads with him.

 

“We can keep it a secret.” He offers up desperately.

 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that.” Rey steps backwards and his hand falls from her face.  

 

“Rey, please. I need you.” Kylo begs and it takes every bit of Rey’s willpower to not silence his pain with her lips.

 

“I’ll always be here…as your friend. This was a mistake.” Lies. It’s all lies coming from her mouth and she can’t take it. She can’t stand to see him hurting like this and it was her fault.

 

“Is that what you want?” His voice breaks.

 

“Yes.” She utters quickly. His facial expression changes instantly. She can’t see anything but rage in his eyes.

 

“It might be best if you leave then.” He says coldly and turns his back to her. 

 

“Kylo.” Her hand rises slowly as she reaches for his shoulder. She stops herself before she connects with his skin. Her hand remains suspended in the air, inches from him. He takes in a shaky breath. He twists back to her, tears in his eyes.

 

“Please, Rey. I need some space right now. I need some time to think and I can’t do that if you’re standing here looking at me like _that._ ” His eyes trail down her body and pull back up to her face. She grabs her body to conceal herself from his view but she realises that she is fully clothed- in his clothing. It was her in his clothing that he was talking about.

 

She pauses, silently begging him to forgive her but there was nothing but coldness in his eyes. She feels the tears begin to form when she reaches for her handbag. She shuffles away from him, only glancing back at him once. He isn’t facing her anymore; he is stalking away from her.

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers quietly as she pulls the door behind her, she knows that he wouldn’t have heard it.

 

Rey stumbles out of his apartment. She flinches as she hears something shatter from inside. She can’t breathe. She has been without him for ten seconds and she can’t breathe. This was the right thing to do. She needed to protect him from Snoke. He couldn’t know about them; she knows that he’ll use it against Kylo. But she couldn’t help but wonder, if this was right thing to do… why did it feel like someone had just driven a knife through her chest?

 

She finally allows herself to break when she’s in the elevator. Everything comes from her at once and she screams against the pain. She tries to compose herself. She has only known him for a couple of weeks, it shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t hurt this much. But she can’t stop the crushing feeling that this has happened before just like in her nightmares. It was the same dream every night. She would stand there screaming as a young boy walked away from her. His face not visible, he was just a shadow. That was until recently, the boy had been replaced by Kylo. Every night it was the same thing, her silent shrieks echoing into void space, begging him to come back.

 

Rey runs from the elevator as soon as the doors open. She needs to get out of there before she passes out. She collapses onto the empty side walk and sobs violently. She pulls her phone from her back pocket and attempts to read the screen through her tears.

 

“Finn, I need you. I’m at Kylo’s.” She gasps in between sobs and hangs up before Finn has the chance to answer her.

 

\----------------------- 

 

“Peanut?!” Finn shrieks and encases her in his arms. Rey was no longer crying; she had resorted to gazing blankly at the world moving around her. The coldness of the brick against her back stung lightly.

 

“Rey, are you okay?” Finn grabs her face and forces her to look at him.

 

“Yeah I am now.” Rey whispers absently.

 

“What happened? Did he hurt you?” Finn looks over her quickly, searching for any signs of an injury.

 

“No, I hurt him.” She turns her head towards him.

 

“What?” Finn questions.

 

“I broke his heart, Finn. He let me in and I broke him.” She confesses and the crushing feeling in her chest returns.

 

“Rey. I still don’t understand.”

 

“We connected last night in ways that I never have with anybody. It was going so well. Things were happening and then Hux showed up this morning. I realised that it could never work and I left him.” Rey recounts and Finn’s eyebrows rise on his forehead.

 

“Oh, Rey. I know that you care for people more intensely than anyone I have ever met but I just don’t understand why this hurting you so much.” His takes her hands in his and rubs them in attempt to warm her up.

 

“He turned his back to me as I left and it was like in my nightmares.” Rey flinches.

 

“The one where you’re left alone?” Finn asks. He knows exactly what dreams she is talking about. He’s the only person she has ever told about them. He knows how much they hurt her every night. There had been many occasions where she had climbed into bed with him and he had soothed her back to sleep. Her therapist had told her that she had been reliving the past, she hadn’t believed her until today. Whatever she was remembering, it was happening again.

 

“Yeah. Those ones. I hadn’t told you though, that the little boy had taken the form of Kylo. It was exactly the same as the dream, Finn. It didn’t just happen in my head this time. It happened all over again.” She explains to him and she watches his face soften.

 

“Oh, sweetie. Come here. Let me take you home.” He wraps his arms around her and she nods against his shoulder. He pulls her up with him and places a kiss on her forehead. She tucks into his side and he drapes his arm over her. They walk in silence to Poe’s car. Poe goes to greet her from the driver’s seat until he sees the look on her face. Rey gives him a smile and Finn slides into the backseat with her. He wraps his arm around her and she rests her head on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha half of you called it- they are going to be broken apart again. 
> 
> I just want to make something clear- yes, Rey had a panic attack. I had been hinting at her having anxiety throughout the chapters. I gave her some of my own coping mechanisms e.g. fiddling, tapping, counting. I hope it's clear that the panic attack was more largely triggered by feelings of abandonment and not the fact that she 'broke up' with Kylo. I hope that makes sense. 
> 
> Thanks for your support everyone. Please feel free to provide constructive criticism if you wish.


	12. When you break, it’s too late for you to fall apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn tells Rey the truth. Space babies have a difficult time seeing each other again. And Rey comes to an unexpected realisation about her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a bit longer than usual between chapters, sorry about that. Uni has been a little hectic at the moment. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song "when you break" by Bear's Den

Rey wakes on the couch of her apartment with the sun burning her cheeks. She rubs at her eyes and sits up. It is mid-afternoon, she judges by the sun entering her living room. How long was she out for? She pats down her body, attempting to find her phone.

 

“Rey?” She hears a concerned voice coming from the other side of the room. She blinks and sees Poe sitting at the table.

 

“How long have I been asleep?” She asks him.

 

“Two hours.” He frowns and begins to stand from the chair.

 

“What happened? Where’s Finn?” She questions, her eyes wildly scanning the room.

 

“You had a panic attack, Rey. A pretty bad one too. He’s just gone to get some food for you.” He responds calmly and sits down next to her.

 

“Oh.” She drops her head and stares at her hands. She scrapes her mind for any memories from two hours ago but it’s all fragmented into hundreds of pieces. She remembers leaving Kylo’s apartment and watching as he walked away from her. She remembers stumbling into the elevator and the crushing feeling that began to take hold of her body. Not much after that she could piece together; screaming, Finn with his arms around her, sobbing on the sidewalk.

 

“I don’t really know what happened. It’s not my place to ask questions and Finn didn’t tell me what went down. But Rey, I have to ask. Did he hurt you?” Poe asks cautiously and reaches out to place his hand over both of hers. It immediately calms her.

 

“What? No. Quite the opposite actually.” Little shards start to come back… the coldness of the brick on her back as she curled up against the wall; pieces of what she had told Finn- _He let me in and I broke him_.

 

“Okay, good. I just had to know.” Poe sighs in relief.

 

“Thank you for your concern but I’m okay. Really.” She shuts her eyes tightly, taking in what she had just said. There she goes, lying to everyone she cares about, again.

 

“You don’t have to pretend with me Rey. I know you. You were far from okay when we picked you up.” He was right. She had known Poe for three years and he was like a second brother to her. She saw him more often than she didn’t.

 

“Yeah.” Rey breathes in. Bits and pieces continue to come back to her. Slowly she remembers the call she made to Finn and something sticks out to her. “How did you know where he lived?”

 

“Huh?” Poe furrows his brows.

 

“I never told Finn the address.” She responds. His face falls slightly, suddenly becoming flustered. He composes himself and studies her for a moment.

 

“I could give you the simple answer and say that we’re cops but you deserve the truth. I think you should ask Finn.”

 

“Why won’t you tell me?” She shakes her head, and quickly looks away. Her thoughts overwhelm her; all the possible scenarios begin to fly around her head. Each one crazier than the last. Rey was a patient person but she was really beginning to crack. “Why is everyone lying to me?” She mutters and Poe’s grip tightens.

 

“Finn should be the one to explain to you what’s going on. But I promise that I will tell you myself if he won’t.”

 

“You are involved too?” She asks.

 

“Yes.” He opens his mouth to say more but catches himself.

 

Finn pushes the front door open and Rey’s head shoots up. He has bags full of food in both hands. She sees him relax when he notices her sitting on the couch with Poe.

 

“Peanut! You’re up!” He exclaims and slams the door shut with his foot.

 

“Are you okay?” Finn asks as he places the bags in the middle of the floor.

 

“I am now, thanks for coming for me.” Rey smiles at him weakly and then looks at Poe. He gives her a nod in acknowledgement and smiles back at her. Finn sits on the coffee table directly in front of Rey.

 

“Rey, you know I will always be there for you.” He says truthfully and his hand wraps around hers.

 

“Finn I have to ask you something.” Rey says quickly and Finn turns his head slightly to the side in question.

 

“Of course.” Finn meets Rey’s glare with a frown, not really sure how to respond.

 

“What’s going on?” She questions him without missing a beat.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What’s going on between you guys and Kylo? Don’t try to deny it, I know there’s something.” She pulls her hand from his grip and shot looks between the two men. She watches as Finn and Poe exchange a look and Poe raises his eyebrows at him. Almost as though he was prompting him to continue. Finn sighs and turns back to Rey.

 

“I need you to understand that I can only tell you so much.” Finn explains. The statement rubs her the wrong way. She was tired of being protected. Kylo was doing the same thing, only telling her half of the story. She knows they have the best of intentions but the fact that she only knows half of the information could prove to be more dangerous than knowing all of it. Rey considers it for a moment and finally gives Finn a nod.

 

“We’re helping him take down Snoke.” Finn responds and waits for her reaction.

 

So it was true. Kylo is planning on taking down Snoke. The papers that they were working on, they were to incriminate him. He was the one stealing money from the company. It made sense now…Finn being away at bizarre times. Kylo never being at the office. They were working together the whole time. They knew each other before she even started with the company. But something doesn’t make sense… this should be a job for the FBI, this was embezzlement. Why would two detectives help take down a thief?

 

“What? But you’re homicide detectives, why would yo- oh god.” _He’s a bad person, Rey._ Kylo’s words ring in her ears. Snoke was a murderer.

 

“Yeah. It’s messy, Rey. You understand now why I got so worried when I saw that Kylo had given you those numbers?” Rey nods slightly, her mouth agape. “I was fuming that he involved you in this. I confronted him and he assured me that you had no idea what it was really about.”

 

“I figured it out.” She says defensively. Kylo had tried very hard to keep the truth from her but she figured it out last night.

 

“You’re smart. I knew you would eventually.” Finn responds with a dry laugh.

 

“Why is he doing this? Does he want to run the company?” Rey questions. What are his motives? She can’t understand why he would want to do something so risky. Why not just go to the proper authorities…unless he can’t?

 

“No. I think he has his reasons. I wanted to hate him, I used to hate him. We had crossed paths many times and he was always rude and obnoxious. But working with him, he’s a not a bad person. I don’t think he’s doing this for selfish reasons.”  

 

_Rey, please. I need you._

 

“I don’t think he would either.” Deep down she knew he was doing this for some other reason, personal reasons. Under the asshole persona, he was a good person.

 

“You really care for him, don’t you?” Finn searches her eyes and Rey tucks her chin into her chest. She sighs deeply. _Yes, too much,_ she says to herself. She looks him straight in the eye and doesn’t falter.

 

“Yes.”

 

\------------------------

 

It was Monday morning and it had taken every ounce of Rey’s willpower and a lecture from Finn to drag herself to work this morning. Part of her feared what would happen if she saw him and the other part feared that she would go back on her words. The moment he walked away from her had played on loop the whole weekend.

 

“Hey, Rose.” Rey says as cheerfully as she could muster when she strolls through the glass doors.

 

“Rey. Good to see you.” Rose beams at Rey and pauses. “How was your rendezvous on Friday afternoon?” She quirks up an eyebrow and Rey cringes.

 

“Fine.” Rey responds. “I told him what I needed to.” Rey licks her lips and turns to look around the room. She was subconsciously searching for him, something she found herself doing over the weekend. Part of her always hoped that he’d randomly turn up on the street. She would always tell herself to stop, this wasn’t a romance novel.

 

“He’s not here yet.” Rose says and Rey’s head snaps back to her.

 

“Oh.” She sighs as she tries to hide her disappointment. Rey drops her head and taps her fingernails against the wooden desk.  

 

“Are you okay?” Rose’s voice is full of concern and Rey stops tapping instantly.

 

“Yep. All good. Absolutely perfect.” Rey says and begins to back away from the counter.

 

“I’ll talk to you at lunch?” She asks.

 

“Sure.” Rose replies. “Take care of yourself, Rey.” Rey flinches, there was the concern again. It was a warning, almost a plea. Take care of yourself? What does that even mean? Surely she wasn’t that transparent, Rose couldn’t know could she? Rey turns away from the reception and dashes down the hall.

 

 

 

Rey spends the morning staring into his office. It hadn’t been touched since last week and if Rey didn’t know any better, she would have assumed that he wasn’t coming back. By the time he had shown up, Rey had chewed down every nail to a painfully low level.

 

She sits up quickly in her chair when she notices his silhouette slip into his office. She waits for something, anything to indicate how he is feeling. He still hasn’t even looked at her. She watches as he rummages through his desk. He picks something up, and it’s suddenly being thrown across the room. Rey supposed that answered her question- no, Kylo Ren was not doing okay.

 

She considers her options for a moment and comes to the conclusion that this was her mess to fix. She walks up to his door and watches him carefully. He has collected himself and he is now staring out of the window at the city beneath him. He looks peaceful and Rey hesitates.

 

She finally brings herself to knock on the glass panel. Kylo turns slowly and his face falls. Rey watches the emotions chase each other across his features. His brows knit together and his eyes harden, Rey can only see pain then. She takes in a deep breath and enters the room. His facial expression doesn’t change as she closes the distance between them.

 

“How are you?” Rey asks, breaking the silence. She bites her lip as she watches him consider her words.

 

“Good.” He says simply and Rey doesn’t believe him for one second.

 

“Kylo, don’t shut me out.” She begs him as she feels him slipping away from her. They were going backwards after all that progress over the weekend. Rey knew it was her fault. He had finally opened up to her and not more than twelve hours later, she leaves him standing alone in his apartment.

 

“I’m not.” His voice betrays no emotion and the worries in Rey’s head only heighten.

 

“Kylo.” Rey takes a step forward and reaches her hand out towards his face. Kylo stiffens and takes a step backwards.

 

“Rey, don’t.” He begs, his eyes wild.

 

“Please. I’m sorry. I need you to know how sorry I am.” She glowers at him, her hands moving to clasp together anxiously in front of her.

 

“I know you are but I can’t do this.” He turns his back to her and begins to pace.

 

“Why not? We were doing this before.” She tries to reason with him. Her eyes following him as he paces back and forth in front of her.

 

“It was never that simple. Rey, I almost fucked you and now you want to go back to being friends. We were never friends and you know it.” He stops dead in the middle of his office, watching her. His face is entirely unreadable, but she can see his left eye twitch. She strides over to him and he looks her up and down as she approaches.

 

“I know but can’t we just pretend? I need you in my life.” She begs him.

 

“We made a promise to each other. I’m not going back on that. I’m just asking for some time.” He looks between her eyes and Rey can’t help but lean towards him.

 

“Okay.” She sighs.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” She promises and she knows that she means it. There was two things Rey was good at; salvaging broken things and waiting.

 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He smiles weakly and Rey melts. He looks so vulnerable, so lost. Rey decides that he needs to know the truth.

 

“I know that you’re working with Finn and Poe. I just thought I should let you know.” He looks down at her, and for a second she believes she may have seen a flicker of distress cross his features.

 

“What else did they say?” He asks calmly.

 

“That was it. They work in homicide. I put two and two together.” She defends Finn and Poe, worried that he would go after them. She shakes her head, he wouldn’t do that and she’s surprised the thought had even crossed her mind. Kylo bites his lip and for the first time, she can see panic in his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to keep me out of it anymore. I want to help you.” She reassures him.

 

“Rey, I beg you. Please don’t go digging. This is really dangerous. I don’t want you getting caught up in it.” His hands grab her shoulders and he shakes gently.

 

“I’ll try but I can’t guarantee that I won’t stumble upon things.” She says and Kylo nods knowingly. There’s no stopping her and he understands that. His hands fall from her body and come to rest at his sides. She begins to turn from him.

 

“Rey, wait.” She looks back at him and he walks over to his bag that is by his desk. “You left these at my place.” He pulls her clothes from the briefcase and she blushes.

 

“Oh, thanks.” She says as Kylo offers her her clothes that she had worn to his place on Friday night. She had completely forgotten about them.

 

Rey reaches for the items but Kylo doesn’t let go. Her fingertips rest gently over his as his gaze is locked on hers. His touch soothes her. She hadn’t realised how much she misses his warmth until she felt it again. Kylo’s right hand carefully trails up her forearm and goose bumps are left behind. His hand continues to work its way up over her shoulder and finally comes to rest on her cheek. Rey closes her eyes and leans into his touch.

 

He eventually drops his hand and she resists the urge to whimper at the loss of contact. Rey’s eyes shoot open and Kylo is still staring at her. Her breathing becomes uneven and her heart feels like it’s about to shatter her ribcage but she refuses to look away. Rey watches him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He breaks eye contact first when something catches his eye behind her. She turns to follow his gaze, only to find a group of workers walking down the hall. She observes them carefully but not a single person seemed to look into the office.

 

Rey twists her head back to Kylo and sucks on her bottom lip. He had started to return to his desk. Kylo slides into his chair and he doesn't meet her eyes as he opens his laptop. She took this as a hint, the moment was over. She steps timidly towards his door and turns to him one last time.

 

“I hope that we can get back to what we were before all this.” She tells him and he looks up from the pages in front of him.

 

“Yeah, me too.” He frowns.

 

Rey smiles sadly and holds her clothes tighter to her chest. She could feel his gaze piercing into her back as she returns to her own office. She throws her clothes into her bag and rubs her temples. She fights the urge to scream and push everything off of her desk as she sinks into chair and drops her head into hands. Rey couldn’t help but feel foolish that this is hurting her so much. She left him, she shouldn’t be the one in pain. She shouldn’t love him, there is no way she loved him… _she couldn’t_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before y'all are like Rey can't love him that quickly- I say canon Rey shipped herself to Kylo two days after she cut his face in half. Girl falls hard and fast. 
> 
> This fic is turning more slowburn than I had originally intended. 
> 
> There's only hints of Stormpilot in this chapter, I had intended to make them more central in this story but I'm focusing more on Rey and Kylo at the moment. And truthfully, I don't think there will be much of them in the future chapters either- it is a reylo fic after all. 
> 
> The next chapter has been written and it's the longest one yet- over 4k. I want to have the following chapter done before I update it though, I like to be a chapter ahead. 
> 
> Thanks again to those who comment, leave kudos and even read this trash attempt at fan fiction. I love you all!


	13. I want to tell you but I don't know how

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets a visit from his mama and she gives him a push towards Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is done, so that means it's time for this one to be posted.  
> I'm thinking I might try to pump these chapters out faster now because I kind of want this story to be done. I love writing it but I worry if I drag it out too long, I'll get sick of it and give up- and I don't want to do that to you guys.  
> This chapter is the longest by far and TBH they will probably never be this long again.
> 
> Chapter title comes from 'Neptune' by Sleeping at Last (this song is so Reylo, it's not funny)

Kylo Ren sat curled up on his lounge staring at a blank TV screen. He had been doing this a lot lately, especially after Rey had left him. He hadn’t been to work in a few days and wasn’t planning on going back anytime soon. Rey had texted him multiple times and Kylo had tried to ignore her but she was so damn persistent. He had given in and told her that he was fine- it was just a cold. He’d be lucky if she believed that.

 

And now he is just curled up in the corner of his couch, definitely not pining over some girl. How fucking pathetic, Kylo Ren does not yearn.

 

“Ben, open the door.” Kylo turns his head to the front door. He watches as it rattles on its hinges. He groans and begins to roll off of the lounge.

 

“Ben!” His mother’s nasally voice raises when he doesn’t answer. He sighs at the name.

 

His mom was the only person who called him Ben anymore. Truthfully, he missed it. He had slowly grown to resent the name Kylo Ren. It was some stupid alias that Snoke had given him when he promised that he could make his old life disappear. For a time Kylo was so lost and broken that he had believed him. He wanted nothing more than to be severed from his parents, the people who didn’t know him at all. Kylo Ren had become a mask, an act. It wasn’t who he really was and it had taken him too long to realise it. He may not be Kylo Ren anymore but he was no longer Ben Solo either. That boy died a long time ago. Now Kylo Ren was just Ben in the shell of someone else.

 

“I’m coming okay?” He snaps. He twists the lock and his eyes drop to the tiny woman standing in front of him. “Bloody hell, mother. There’s only so fast I can open a door.”

 

She smiles at him and his mood somewhat improves just by her presence. She seemed to have that effect on people. She was captivating, magnetic, she could silence a whole room with one word. Kylo guesses that’s why she’s been a senator for over two decades.

 

“Sorry. I just have some information.” She apologises and Kylo moves to the side so that she can enter.

 

“What is it?” Kylo asks, in step with her.

 

“Snoke has left the country.”

 

For a year he had been working with his mother and Finn to take down Snoke. It was a year ago he realised that he didn’t want to do this anymore. He was sick of watching innocent people lose everything to that vile man. He had grown too greedy, too hungry for power. He turned to the only person he could trust- his mother.

 

He knew that she had been trying to destroy his empire for years. From the moment she became Senator Organa, she made it her life mission to destroy him. Kylo had turned a blind eye for so long because he wanted to believe that what he did was worth it. He sat back and watched while Hux and Phasma practically robbed people. Hell, he had even helped them.

 

Snoke stopped at nothing. He stole millions from charities, orphanages, he’d even murdered those who got in his way. The man made Kylo sick.  

 

“Where’s he gone to?” Kylo scrunches his nose.

 

“He didn’t tell you?” Leia tilts her head and Kylo frowns. “That just proves he’s doing something dodgy. He’s gone to a small island off of Mexico. I’ve sent people after him. They’ll report back tomorrow. We’re getting closer to figuring this out.”

 

“Yeah, because of Rey.” Kylo closes his eyes as he remembers that night when came barrelling into his apartment with the answer. The spare bedroom still smelt like her and some of her snacks still sat in his cupboard, in the hope that one day she will come back to eat them.

 

“How is she?” Kylo flinches at his mother’s question.

 

“She’s fine.” He says with little emotion.

 

“Ben, what is going on?” His mother steps closer to him.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Benjamin.” Her hands fall onto her hips and her head tilts to the side. She had the look that she always did when she knew that he wasn’t telling the truth. Kylo stares at Leia for a moment but she wasn’t going to back down. He finally cracks.

 

“We almost slept together, okay?!” He bellows and throws his arms in the air. “You happy?”

 

“What happened?” Her voice hardens. He hated when she did that, it was almost like an interrogation and he knows that she will eventually get everything out of him.

 

“She left me. I opened up to her and she left me alone. Again.” Kylo refuses to meet her gaze again.

 

“Have you talked to her about what happened when you were kids?” Leia asks. Kylo thinks back to that day when he called her to tell her that she had returned. That Rey Niima was back and he was a fucking mess because of it. “Have you even told her who you are?” Kylo flinches and part of him regrets telling her about Rey.

 

“Not yet. I’m not planning on it right now.” He admits.

 

“Ben.” Leia leans forward. “Why not?”

 

“We’re not in a good place. If I tell her, I’m afraid I might lose her for good.” Leia’s eyes soften and her scowl turns into a smile.

 

“You love her.” She says.

 

“No.” He answers quickly.

 

“Yes.” She presses. “You wouldn’t be this afraid of losing her if you didn’t.” He considers her words for a moment. Maybe she was right. If you had told Kylo Ren a month ago that Rey Niima was going to come back into his life and that he was going to fall in love with her in the span of a few weeks, he would have laughed in your face. And yet here he was, completely caught in her web.

 

“Maybe. I don’t know, mom. She doesn’t feel the same way about me though. She just wants to be my friend.”  Kylo gulps and steps backwards like the words burnt him. She wanted to be there for him she had said. Kylo wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her until she was breathless, whisper promises of forever…and she wanted to be friends.

 

“Then be her friend. If you claim to care about her so much, you will be whatever she needs you to be.” She was right. A life with Rey as his friend was better than a life without her. He had done it before and he was not prepared to go through that again.

 

“Tell her who you are and how you feel about her.”

 

“I will… soon.” Kylo falters. He wants to tell her so badly but part of him knows that she may never forgive him. It won’t be long until she connects him back to her grandfather and he knows that he will lose her indefinitely.

 

“The longer you leave this, the worse it will get.” Leia steps closer to him and presses her finger into his chest with enough force to hurt.

 

“I know.” Ben sighs. He hates how right she is all the time.

 

“Good. I’m glad something got through to your brain.” She taps his temple softly and steps away from him. “I have to get going to a meeting. I’ll drop around in a few days after I hear back from my sources.”

 

“Bye, mom.” Kylo says as he leans down so that Leia can kiss his cheek. It’s something they’ve always done. When he was a child, she would throw him into the air and plant a kiss on his forehead. As he began to tower over her, she would pull on his collar so that she could reach.

 

“I’ll see you soon, Ben.” Leia smiles and pulls the door behind her but not before she yells. “Tell her!” And Kylo flinches at the words, or the door slamming, he can’t tell but he promises himself that he will tell Rey the truth.

 

\---------------------------

 

“Ren, you need to come in to the office.” Hux’s irritating voice vibrates through his phone speaker before Kylo even had the chance to hold it up to his ear.

 

“I’m not there for a reason.” Kylo responds hastily. He was not the fucking mood right now to deal with Hux. Dealing with his mother was enough for one day.

 

“Well I don’t care. I know you’re not sick so whatever your reason is for your absences lately, can wait.”

 

“You don’t know that. I could very well be sick.” Kylo bites back defensively.

 

“Save it. We have a meeting at four and you need to be there.” Hux says and Kylo looks over at the large clock that sits above the couch. He has an hour to make himself look semi presentable and actually get into the office. He knows that the drive will take him forty minutes alone. He was going to be pushing it and Kylo Ren does not like to be rushed.

 

“Can’t you and Phasma do it?” Kylo groans at the thought of going into work. He had been doing so well at home and avoiding his adult responsibilities.

 

“No.” Hux says. Kylo remains silent for a moment, his mind ticking over the various excuses that he could give. He realises that it has been too long, anything he comes up with now won’t be convincing.

 

“Fine but I will not be in a good mood.” Kylo informs Hux. If Hux wanted him there, Kylo was not going to be civil about it. His mother would have told him that he was acting like a child but frankly, Kylo could not give a shit.

 

“Are you ever?” Hux deadpans.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Thankyou for proving my point.” Hux sighs and Kylo ends the call before he was to hear his infuriating voice anymore.

 

The drive into work was long and tedious. It always involved a lot of swearing and road rage but today was particularly bad. Kylo hoped that this meeting was worth it because Hux would get an ear full if it wasn’t.

 

He drags himself into the conference room, deliberately going the long way. It was to check how the office was doing, not to avoid passing Rey. No, he was not doing that he told himself. Kylo Ren doesn’t pine over some girl. He does not yearn.

 

Kylo’s eyes narrow when he sees Hux standing presumptuously by the projector. Hux begins to open his mouth to say something sarcastic, Kylo assumes, but he throws his hand in the air before the words form. The words die on Hux’s lips and Kylo feels smug, at least the pasty prick knew his place.

He deliberately slides into the chair that could be hidden from the prying eyes of Hux and Phasma. If he sits at the right angle, the person beside him would block their view. He would normally be up at the head of the oval table but he wasn’t in the mood right now. His unusual seating will probably draw attention but Kylo couldn’t care less. His eyes skim around the table and he smirks when the other staff members’ eyes suddenly shift away from his gaze. He found amusement in how scared they all were of him. He notices the strange assortment of people in the room, it is a mix of associates and senior staff- some he’s never met before.

 

Kylo sinks back into his chair, contemplating what this meeting could possibly be about. He can’t place the panic in the pit of his stomach. Something inside him was fearful. Has he slipped up… have they finally figured out his plan? Are they intending to publicly shame him? No, they wouldn’t do that- not with the array of people in the room. He would be punished in private, berated by Snoke until he was hollowed out.

 

Kylo’s eyes shoot up when he hears the glass door fly open. Rey’s tiny figure stumbles into the room. His eyes linger up and down her body without his permission. She’s in a flustered mess, her hair has begun to twist into it’s natural curls and her blouse has become untucked. Kylo hears a scoff from behind him and he knows immediately that it came from Hux. Kylo ignores it, he enjoyed her untidiness, he just found her more beautiful. _Stop it_ , he hisses to himself.

 

“Sorry.” She apologises breathlessly, her eyes wildly scanning the room. They finally land on Kylo and she freezes when she realises the only spot left at the table was next to him. She approaches him reluctantly and he pushes the chair out from underneath the desk. He watches her carefully as she sinks down next to him. He inhales sharply when her familiar, intoxicating smell of coconut and vanilla fills his nostrils.

 

“What are you doing here?” He whispers harshly to her. She looks at him, her eyes wide.

 

“I have no idea. I literally just saw the email. It didn’t tell me what was going on.” Kylo can hear the nervousness in her voice. His eyes flick between her biting her lip and her picking at her nails. She was doing it again, distracting herself. He finds it endearing but he couldn’t help but feel her anxiety, it practically radiates from her. He wants to reach across the desk and take her tiny hand in his.

 

“You’re probably wondering why I have pulled you all together today.” Kylo’s attention is dragged to the front of the room. Damn fucking right Kylo wanted to know what he was doing here.

 

“It has come to our attention that we have not been closing cases as quickly as we would have hoped. We are already two hundred cases behind this time last year.” Kylo sighs in relief. He doesn’t know what he expected to hear but for some reason he was relieved that it was this. He found that a small part of him was glad that they weren’t doing as well. Sucked into Snoke, and Hux, and this disgusting company.

 

“You need to work harder, people. Find new and creative ways, I don’t care what it is. I don’t want to know. Get dirty, hell, destroy your own parents if it comes to it.” He snickers and looks at Kylo. “I couldn’t care less.” Kylo stiffens at his words. The sick bastard knew exactly what he was saying. Snoke had sworn Hux to secrecy when he found out about what he had done to Han Solo. But in this moment, Hux didn’t seem to care less about some stupid promise. Hell, he had given Rey the folder about the ‘incident’ and not thought twice about it.

 

Kylo feels fingertips graze up his thigh and grip onto his knee. The tiny fingers squeeze gently and push against his restless leg. He hadn’t even realised that he had been moving that much. His hand snakes up his thigh and curls around Rey’s hand. Kylo looks at Rey out of the corner of his eye and he notices the concern on her face. He swallows deeply and turns his attention back to Hux.  

 

“If you can’t pick up numbers, we’re going to start making some changes around here. Beginning with new staff. That is all. Go and do your jobs properly.” Hux spits venomously and turns his back in disgust. Soft whispers fill the space and people begin to file out of the room.

 

Kylo releases Rey’s hand reluctantly and he pushes himself up from the chair without looking at her. He shoves the chair under the desk and strides out the room, with the intention of leaving the office. He makes it several meters down the hall, until a hand encloses around his wrist. He stops dead in his tracks.

 

“Where have you been?” Rey demands.

 

“Sick.” He responds without turning.

 

“Okay. I’m not going to argue with you.” Rey drops his wrist and Kylo twists to look at her.

 

“Kylo, what was that?” She folds her arms across her chest and tilts her head back towards the conference room.

 

“A meeting.” He says simply.

 

“Obviously.” She hisses. “No, I mean why did what Hux said get to you so much?” Her eyes soften. He internally curses himself for his emotions being so obvious. He used to be so good at hiding his feelings but he’s become soft. She’s made him soft… _weak._

 

“Let’s not do this here.”

 

“Fine. We’ll do it in my office.” Rey says and Kylo’s eyes widen. That’s not what he meant. Rey grabs him around the bicep and tugs him after her. She is surprisingly strong for how harmless she looks.

 

“Okay, speak.” She demands once she closes the door of her office.

 

“I don’t know where to start.”

 

“The beginning.” Rey states simply and moves to sit in her chair.

 

“Just be warned, you may not look at me the same way. The things that I’ve done, you wouldn’t like them if you knew.” Kylo sighs and falls into the chair across from her.

 

“Kylo would you stop it? We keep having the same fucking argument. We just keep going around in circles.” She slaps her hand down on the table and Kylo flinches. “How long is it going to take you to realise that there is nothing that you can say to me that will make me change how I feel about you?”

 

Her words sting, she does care for him but not the way he wants. It’s never going to be the way that he wants. He doesn’t know what hurts more- knowing that she doesn’t love him back or the fact that she’s never going to leave him in spite of those unreturned feelings. It physically hurts him to be around her, knowing that he can’t touch her. Kylo decides that if she wants to be there for him, she deserves to know the truth.

 

“In my first year working here, I cut all ties with my parents. My mom tried to reach me for months, she would turn up on my doorstep every morning but I would never answer the door. It got to the point where I just packed up and moved to another suburb without telling them. It broke my mother’s heart apparently.” Kylo explains, never looking at Rey while he recounts the past.

 

“My dad had none of it and hunted me down. We fought and fought until I quite literally threw him out. Our relationship was already rocky but this just tipped me over the edge. I went to Snoke, vowing that I would destroy Han Solo. Snoke promised me that I could and I was so blinded by rage that I let him get into my head.” Kylo hears Rey take in a sharp breath at the mention of Snoke. She truly hated him and she didn’t know the half of what that man was capable of. Kylo loathed him and somehow that was enough for Rey to as well.

 

“I worked with him to shut down my father’s business. We hired people to trash his car dealership. We burnt it to the ground and he lost everything. It meant everything to him; he had been working his whole life to get it where it was.”

 

Kylo could feel the tears begin to spill onto his cheeks. He had given up trying to stop them. Rey’s hand reaches across the desk and rests on his forearm. He lifts his chin to look and her and notices the liquid that coats her face. Her eyes red and her puffy cheeks had started to become a familiar sight to him. He couldn’t help but find it amusing that they were constantly crying when they were around each other.

 

“He always had his suspicions that it was me but he could never prove it. He eventually died and I never told him the truth. It was one of my biggest regrets.” He has never admitted that to anyone before. Of course it was his biggest regret… not reconciling with his father before he died. Whispering his confession to his tombstone was not enough, the man who raised him had deserved better.

 

“Did you ever tell anyone?” Rey whispers and Kylo nods.

 

“I told my mother a few months after the funeral. She was so disappointed and I thought she would never forgive me. I have been trying to make it up her since but it’s just added to long list of horrible things I have done.” He brings the arm that Rey isn’t holding, up to his head and buries his face in his hand. “The worst part is, it probably doesn’t even come close to some of the awful things that I have done.”   

 

“It’s in the past. Let it go.” Rey says, it’s almost a plea. She was right but for Kylo it was never that easy. No matter how much he tried to let go, he always managed to dig it up again.

 

“It doesn’t change what I did.” He says truthfully. Rey’s lips tighten into a line and Kylo can tell that she knows that he is right.

 

“Your mother has forgiven you, yes?” Rey’s hand intertwines with his and he nods sheepishly. “Then why can’t you forgive yourself?” She questions.

 

“I don’t understand how you can say these things after what I just told you.” Kylo is taken aback by her compassion. His confession should have left her fuming. “You have no family left and I tell you that I betrayed mine and you still don’t see me for what I am.” The words slip from his mouth before he can stop himself.

 

“Will you stop trying to push me away!” She begs him and his eyes widen. What is going on? Why is she doing this? She shouldn’t be okay with this.

 

“I’m a monster, Rey.” He states. He can’t believe that he is trying to push her away but deep down he knows that he doesn’t deserve her.

 

“No.” She says firmly. “You’re right. I have no- one because the one person I thought I had, is leaving me too.” Her voice cracks and Kylo’s stomach churns. She couldn’t be talking about him, could she?

 

“That’s not true. You have the hearts of so many people in this office, Finn and Poe.” How could she think like that? She has so many people who love her. The whole office loves her, he hears the whispers of how charismatic and kind she is.

 

“I only needed one.” She confesses and nibbles on her bottom lip, watching him. Oh, _oh_ she is talking about him. She wanted him, always him. Oh god, he was not expecting this.

 

“Rey.”

 

_I love you._

 

“Kylo.” She echoes.

 

“No! You wanted this! You told me that you didn’t want to be more than friends. You can’t turn around now and say that.” He can’t do this right now, it’s too much. He can’t hear those words from her mouth when he knows that this can’t become anything more. It’s not fair.

 

“It’s the truth, Kylo.”

 

What is she doing? What’s changed in the past few days? She had left him a few days ago, claiming that it was too dangerous to be together…Snoke. Fuck. She had been right about him finding out about them. Kylo is so close to destroying him and he can’t do that without worrying about Rey. He wants nothing more than to be with her but he can’t. Not yet, anyway, it’s not the right time. And truth be told, he was scared...scared to love someone with everything that he's got.

 

“No. The truth is that this is never going to work. We were doomed from the beginning. I’m a monster. You deserve better than me.” He coming up with excuses now, anything that will help Rey to understand that this can’t happen…even if it wasn’t the truth. She needs to stay away from him because Kylo doesn’t know if he would be able to survive if something was to happen to her.

 

“You’re not.” Kylo can tell that her patience is wearing thin and he’s glad.

 

Maybe it will be easier for her stay away from him if she hates him. But there it is again, that pity in her eyes. That longing and Kylo knows in that moment that she was never going to go back on her promise. He needs to be the one to walk away.

 

“I need to go.” He mutters and pulls up from her desk. New tears begin to form in his eyes as he walks away from Rey.

 

“Kylo wait. Don’t go. Please don’t do this.” She calls after him and it takes every bit of willpower Kylo has left to not run back to her and wrap her in his arms, and beg for her forgiveness.

 

“I _can’t_ Rey.” He sighs and slams the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had a lot of Kylo's thoughts. I don't write in his POV very often so I try to get inside his head as much as possible. 
> 
> The next chapter should be up on Easter Sunday as a gift to you all. 
> 
> Next chapter title: Clinging to the ruin of your broken heart


	14. Clinging to the ruin of your broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Finn play cupid for both of these fools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised here's the next chapter. Happy Easter everyone!
> 
> ch. title comes from 'someone to stay' by Vancouver sleep clinic

Rey is left sitting in her chair, staring in disbelief at the door. He had just walked away from her…again.

 

That did not go the way she thought it would. Why she had let Finn talk her into that, she would never know. Was she being too subtle, should she just have said the words? No, it wasn’t the right time. He knew what she meant, the look on his face said it all. And yet, he still walked away. Maybe he didn’t love her the way she thought he did. But Finn promised her that he did. She can’t help but let her mind wander back to their conversation the night before…

 

_“You love him, don’t you?” Finn asks while they are watching The Bachelor. Rey gasps quietly and looks up from her phone. Why would he ask that, now? Surely she wasn’t being that damn obvious. Rey considers her next words carefully. She could lie, dance around the question but Finn would know. He already knew the truth._

_“I think so.” Rey admits as she stares off into the distance. “Is that stupid? I haven’t even known him that long.” She asks._

_Rey had never been in love so she had nothing to compare it to but she was sure this is what it felt like. She was always told it hurt but if what she was feeling wasn’t love, then love must fucking suck because what she was feeling was beyond anything that she has ever experienced in her whole twenty-four years. She had completely and irrevocably fallen for Kylo Ren and it fucking hurts._

_“Rey, there’s no time stamp on when people fall in love. It’s not like you hit a certain date and then you’re allowed to fall for them.” Finn explains, his voice soft with understanding._

_“I guess you’re right.” Rey sighs._

_“Have you told him how you really feel?” Rey looks at him, her eyebrows furrow. “Don’t give me that look. I’ve known how you felt about him since we picked you up that morning. I don’t know when you fell in love with him but it was pretty clear that you were.” Her eyes widen but she doesn’t know why she’s surprised. Of course Finn had figured it out._

_Rey remembers back to the conversation that they had had the morning Kylo gave her clothes back. When he had asked her for more time. She had been willing to give it to him too, she would do anything if it meant that they could get back to what they were._

_“I’ve tried but I guess I’ve held back a bit.”_

_“What’s holding you back?” Finn questions and Rey tries to remember why she had even stopped what was happening between them in the first place._

_“He’s my boss, I shouldn’t date him and Snoke. Snoke already has such a hold on his life, if he finds out about us- who knows what he’ll do.” She explains and it suddenly seems inconsequential. She was so sure that it was the right thing to do but now, she wasn’t so certain._

_“First of all, who cares about the boss thing? It’s kinda hot. Second- Did Kylo tell you that he didn’t want to be with you because of Snoke?” There’s a glint in Finn’s eye, something that Rey can’t place. It’s almost as though he knew something she didn’t._

_“No, that was my doing. I’m trying to protect him.” She confesses._

_“Did he want that though?” Finn presses and it causes Rey to falter. No, he never wanted that._

_“No. He wanted to keep it a secret.”_

_“So he wants to be with you.” It wasn’t a question and they both already knew the answer._

_“Yes.” She realises._

_“Then why aren’t you with him?” I don’t know, I don’t know anymore- she wants to tell him but she keeps backpedalling. She’s using the same excuses._

_“Finn, I literally just told you.” Rey huffs in frustration._

_“No that was an excuse that I just proved redundant because you’re trying to protect him from something he doesn’t want to be protected from. He doesn’t care, neither should you. Something else is holding you back.” Finn searches her face and Rey shifts her gaze across the room. He always manages to get the truth out of her, even when she doesn’t realise that it’s in there._

_Part of her knows he’s right. She keeps telling herself the same things- it’s to protect him. But maybe, just maybe, on some subconscious level, she’s trying to protect herself._

_“I’m scared, Finn. I’m worried it’ll turn to shit and he’ll leave me.” Rey confesses to Finn. Everyone always leaves her and she’d be a fool if she thought Kylo would be any different. He had already left her._

_“Rey, I understand but you can’t keep living your life thinking that everyone’s going to leave you.” Finn’s eyes soften and he wraps an arm around her back. Rey leans into his touch._

_“I know but when I’m with him, the feeling is worse than it ever has been.” She tells him._

_“Because you love him.” Rey inhales sharply but Finn continues. “You should tell him before it’s too late.” Rey feels her defence mechanisms fly back up, this was getting too real, too fast._

_“Like you’re one to talk.” Rey bites and regrets it the minute the words fall from her lips._

_She knows that wasn’t fair. What is going between Finn and Poe was so similar yet so much more complicated than what was going on with her. Finn and Poe are partners, for them to be together, one would have to leave. And there was so much history between them, so much to ruin. Rey prays that one day they will find each other though. They deserve to be happy._

_“One love life at a time.” Finn chuckles dryly but Rey knows that the comment stung._

_“What if it already is too late?”_

_“Peanut, I’ve seen the look in his eye when he talks about you. The man is whipped. He’d go to hell if you asked him to.” Finn explains and Rey’s eyes widen._

_“What if he doesn’t want me?” She asks and she doesn’t know if she’s trying to talk herself or Finn out of it._

_“What did I just say?” Finn sighs._

_“Okay, you’re right.” Rey bites her lip in thought._

_“Tell him the truth, peanut. Let him know how you feel about him.” Rey pulls away from Finn so that she can look him in the eye. Deep down she knew that he was right. She needed to tell him that she loved him, no matter how much it scared her._

_“What if I’m not ready?” All the possible scenarios fly around her head. What if he walks away from her? What if he really doesn’t feel that way about her?_

_“You’ll never be truly ready.” Finn smiles softly._

_“When did you get so wise?” Rey laughs._

_“I’ve seen some shit.” Finn jokes but Rey knows that there was some truth to the statement._

Rey is left shuddering at the memory. How could it have gone so wrong. She was so confident that maybe this was going to work. She was so fucking stupid.

 

\-------------------

 

“Peanut! How was work toady?” Finn yells cheerfully from the kitchen as Rey closes the front door behind her. Poe sits on the couch watching the TV. He jumps up to make his way over to her but stops suddenly when he takes in her appearance.

 

“Kylo was there.” She responds dully and Finn enters the room. Poe turns towards Finn and Finn frowns at him. Finn’s eyes soften when he looks at her face. She curses the fact that her face takes for ever to go back to normal after she cries.

 

“And?” He presses gently and Rey flinches.

 

“It didn’t work, Finn.” She says tiredly.

 

“He walked away. I can’t believe I thought I could make this fucked up dynamic work. We were never meant to work. Everything was set up so that it wouldn’t. Him being my boss, this weird-ass thing that is going on between you and him. It’s not meant to be.” Rey explains breathlessly.

 

“Rey, did you ever think that maybe it is meant to be? Yes, he is your boss and he is a jackass but somehow you got him to open up to you. From what you’ve told me, you connect to him on some freakish wavelength. I have been working with him for a year but for some reason, you were destined to meet him now, not a year ago. You met him on your own and at the exact moment when he needed you.” Finn holds her by the shoulders and Rey stands there gaping at him. He was not making any sense. How could those things be a good thing?

 

“Finn that barely makes any sense. I’m done with Kylo Ren.” Rey bites her cheek and pulls away from Finn.

 

“Did you tell him how you feel?” Finn questions.

 

“Of course I did.” Rey mutters.

 

“What did you say?” Poe raises an eyebrow, suddenly intrigued.

 

“That only needed his heart, no one else’s.” Rey closes her eyes and sucks in. She had practically told him to let her love him and he barely even reacted.

 

“And he still walked away?” Poe questions, sounding astonished.

 

Rey is suddenly aware that she had never personally spoken to Poe about Kylo, and yet, somehow he knew. Did Finn tell him? Rey doubts it, Finn wouldn’t do that to her. Rey groans inwardly, is she that damn obvious that Poe had figured it out too? Who else had known… Hux? Rose? Rose definitely had her suspicions.

 

“Yes.” Rey says flatly and shuffles down the hallway. She needed space to think, to breathe.

 

“Oh.” She hears Finn sigh in what she detected as realisation and disappointment. Maybe he had gathered that he was wrong about Kylo Ren.

 

Rey stares blankly at her reflection in the mirror and supresses a scream. She rips her work gear off, not caring if she tears a few buttons off with it. She pulls on some yoga pants and tank top. She grabs her phone and earbuds and storms down the hall.

 

“Where are you going?” Finn calls after her and she stops with her hand on the handle.

 

“For a run. I need to clear my head.” She explains without looking at either of them.

 

“Be careful.” Poe says. She nods and presses play on her workout playlist.

 

Rey runs and runs until she can’t feel her legs anymore. It is starting to get dark when she finally stops. Taking in a deep breath, she takes in her surroundings. She freezes when her eyes land on the Starbucks in front of her…it was the Starbucks where they had met.

 

_“Anyone with common courtesy would have told me that the line had moved and not just pushed in.”_

 

_“Yeah, well I guess that’s not me.”_

 

Unexpectedly it dawns on her, Finn was right… in spite of everything, they had gotten to an amazing place. They found comfort in each other, an unbreakable bond. They opened up to each other and she fell in love with a man she thought was an asshole. Hell, he was an asshole but he changed- he let his layers fall away for her. Against all odds, the universe was telling her that they were meant to be.

 

Suddenly her legs were carrying her down into the subway. She had no plan, she just knew that she had to see him.

 

\---------------------------

 

Kylo Ren was reading a book that he couldn’t remember the name of when his phone vibrates in his back pocket. He shifts so that he could reach for it, causing the book to fall on the ground. He didn’t care that the page was lost, he hadn’t been taking it in anyway.

 

His eyebrows knit together when he sees the caller ID light up the screen. He swipes and holds the phone to his ear.

 “Poe?” He asks.

 

“What did you do to her?” Poe’s voice is accusing and Kylo is taken aback.

 

“Who?” He asks but he knew every well who Poe was talking about. He’s not sure why he had even asked him in the first place.

 

“Rey.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kylo says lamely and sighs.

 

“She came home in tears. You pushed her away again.” Poe bellows through the speaker and Kylo pulls the phone away from his ear. He felt the familiar sensation of rage pooling in his chest. Why did he know what was going on between him and Rey?

 

“I was only doing what she wanted.” Kylo spits back. He has no idea what Poe is talking about. Rey wanted to be friends. He was only doing what she wanted, what she asked him to do.

 

“You’re an idiot _Kylo Ren_.” He says his name with distaste. Kylo can’t deny that he was surprised when Poe called him Kylo when they were reunited a year ago.

 

“What?”

 

“She loves you, you know?” Poe sighs and Kylo inhales sharply. She doesn’t, she couldn’t. No one could love him.

 

“No she doesn’t.”

 

“She does. She just doesn’t know how to say it.”

 

 _I only needed one_.  Was that her telling him that she loved him? Could she be more cryptic. Not that it mattered how she felt, she made their relationship status pretty clear.

 

“Well she doesn’t want to be with me so it doesn’t matter.” Kylo says gloomily.

 

“But she does.” There was a hint of hope in Poe’s tone and Kylo can’t help but feel it too.

 

“When she first told me about you two, I thought you were trying to get into her pants but it’s more than that, isn’t it? You love her too and the thought of it terrifies you.” Who the fuck did he think he was, telling him what he thought. He didn’t know him, not anymore.

 

Maybe when they were boys, they had gotten along but things changed. They were no longer the teenagers whose mothers were both senators. Poe loved the spotlight and Kylo hated it and Poe could never understand why. Over time they grew apart. In another life, they probably would’ve still been best friends. Imagine Kylo’s shock when his mother turned to Poe when he had come to him about Snoke.

 

Kylo scowls at the wall but doesn’t deny Poe’s words. “I don’t need relationship advice from you.”

 

“No, you need a brain and to man the fuck up.” Poe bites back and Kylo is sure if he could see him right now, he’d have that smug look on his that he gets when he knows he’s right.

 

“Where is she?” Kylo asks, trying to change the subject.

 

“I don’t know. She ran off and won’t answer her phone.” There is a touch of panic in Poe’s answer and Kylo begins to worry too. It was getting dark and she shouldn’t be out at this time.

 

“Okay I’ll try her. Let me know if you hear from her.” Kylo sighs.

 

“Likewise. Goodbye Ren.” Kylo grunts in response and hangs up.

 

Kylo scrolls through his contact list until he reaches her name. He stares at it for a moment until he takes in a sharp breath and hits ‘call’. He lets out the breath he was holding when it goes through to her message bank. Of course she wasn’t going to pick up. He reaches for his coat on the hook beside the door. He didn’t know where he was going to even start looking, but it was worth a try. This was his fault after all.

 

A soft rap on his front door causes him to jump. He stares at it for a moment, wondering if someone was really there or if he is hearing things. His hand pauses on the handle before he flings it open.

 

“Rey?” He whispers in shock.

 

Rey stands there in front of him. Her eyes wild and her hair completely wind blown. He watches as she lets out a shaky breath and the colour drains from her face.

 

“Kylo.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all know what's coming next. This was kind of a filler chapter- I needed a way to bring these two together because they clearly weren't able to do it themselves.
> 
> I want to clear something up in case it isn't clear in the chapter- Kylo and Poe met and became friends when they were late teens (like 17ish). This was after Rey left so Poe and Rey had never met. Kylo never spoke about her to Poe because you know, Kylo is all about letting the past die. Sorry, I realised it could've been a bit of a plot hole.


	15. What a dangerous night to fall in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our fools in love relieve some very built up tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just smut and fluff and more smut, it's what these two idiots deserve.

“Rey.” Kylo whispers.

 

Rey stands there in front of him, not sure of what she was doing. Kylo remains frozen on the spot, a coat slung over his arm. He was clearly going out and she curses herself for picking such a bad time.

 

“Kylo.” Her voice cracks and it was barely audible. His facial expression changes from shock to relief.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asks her softly and she doesn’t respond. She didn’t have an answer for him because she didn’t even know herself.

 

Kylo stares at her for a moment and Rey looks towards the ground. She sees him pull out his phone and type out a quick message probably to whomever he was about to go see. He throws it onto the table beside the door.

 

“Are you going somewhere?” Rey questions awkwardly.

 

“Uh, to find you actually.” Kylo purses his lips and rubs the back of his neck. Rey feels her eyes widen at his response. She feels a ping of something in her chest…hope.

 

“Why?” She steps forward and expects Kylo to pull away but he remains in place.

 

“To apologize.” Kylo half whispers and his eyes harden.

 

Apologize? She did this to him. He was only doing what she asked him to do, he was respecting her words. Allowing her to have a voice and he’s the one that feels guilty? That’s when she notices the dark circles under his eyes, and his dishevelled hair. She wants to run her hand through it and make it sit properly, she was close enough to do so. The realisation dawns on her, he hasn’t slept well in days. She knew that he had trouble sleeping, he had told her that but he has never looked this exhausted.

 

“Apologize? I should be the one apologizing. I left you.” Rey argues.

 

“Rey, no. I’ve been nothing but horrible. You tried to reach out to me today and I said some horrible things.” Kylo closes his eyes and Rey can hear the self loathing in his words. He stands in front of her, completely weathered away, a broken man left behind. In that moment, Rey realises that she had no choice in this- she had fallen completely for this fool.  

 

“Yeah you did and it hurt a lot, but it doesn’t matter now, okay? Can we just agree that we both fucked up?” She reaches out to him and squeezes his upper arm reassuringly. Kylo licks his lips and opens his eyes sluggishly.

 

“Let’s start with a clean slate.” Kylo holds his hand out to Rey and grins tiredly. “Hi, I’m Kylo Ren.” He says with a hint of sarcasm.

 

She studies his hand for a moment and places her hand in his. She runs her thumb over his knuckles. No, Rey didn’t want to start fresh, or from the beginning. It would mean everything they had been through would have been for nothing. Well, not really but she didn’t want to wait any longer. She has done her time waiting for him.

 

“Kylo, I don’t want a clean slate.” She whispers and panic washes over Kylo’s features.

 

Rey tugs gently on his hand and pulls him into her. His body collides with hers and she cranes her neck to meet his gaze. Kylo drops the coat on the floor and brings his hand up to caress her cheek. Rey is completely sucked into his dilated pupils, that are drinking her in. Rey leans in, closing the gap between them. She was close enough to feel his breath on her cheeks but he still hadn’t moved. Rey loses herself and captures his lips in hers. He responds instantly.

 

His other arm curls around the small of her back and he pulls her in tighter. Rey hugs her arms around the back of his neck and deepens the kiss. She needs to be closer to him, she needs more relief- this isn’t enough. She jumps up and wraps her legs around his waist, Kylo’s hands automatically grip her ass. She rubs her pelvis on his stomach and he growls against her lips.

 

Kylo walks backwards into the apartment and uses one hand to slam the door shut. He pushes her back roughly against the door and her head hits the wood. Kylo breaks the kiss to look at her and goes to apologize but Rey crushes her lips against him before he can speak. 

 

He grinds against her centre and Rey could feel his growing erection between her legs. She jerks wildly again his thrusts, chasing the friction, the much needed relief. One of his hands leaves her ass and digs into her inner thigh. There’s too much clothing between them, he needs to lose some.

 

Rey grabs the hem of his shirt and pushes it up his torso, her hands glide over his toned abs. He breaks the kiss long enough for him to pull the shirt over his head. Rey’s hands roam over his chest and she has the growing need to taste his skin. She licks and kisses down his throat, his chest and back up to his mouth. Her lips capture his moan.

 

Kylo’s hands hook under her legs and he backs her off the door. Rey buries her face into the crook of his neck as he carries her down the hall. Once they reach his bedroom, Kylo releases his grip on her and she slowly slides down his body, until her feet hit the floor.

 

“Rey, are you sure about this?” He places his thumb on the corner of her mouth and Rey admires his swollen lips.

 

“Yes, yes. Do you- do you want this?” Her eyes search his for any signs of regret.

 

“I’ve wanted this since the moment I laid eyes on you in Starbucks.” Rey smiles at his admission and she realises that despite her hatred for the asshole in the coffee line, she couldn’t help the raw attraction that she had felt for him.

 

“Then why am I still wearing clothes?” Rey tries to sound confident but a blush spreads across her cheeks. She is not good at dirty talk, and she puts it down to her lack of experience. She’s not a virgin but she may as well be, that one time in the back of a car in college barely even counted.

 

Kylo’s eyes harden and his hands grab for her shirt. He’s managed to rip it over her head before she has taken a breath. He chokes when he notices that she’s not wearing a bra and Rey grins.

 

“Can I?” He asks, his eyes trained on her breasts. Rey swallows and nods. His hand reaches out timidly and he takes her nipple between his fingers. They immediately harden and Rey gasps at the sensation. He bends down and captures the other breast in mouth. He sucks and licks while he rubs circles on the other. Rey moans and throws her head back and she can feel him smile against her. He drops to his knees and she runs her fingers through his hair.

 

He places kisses down her stomach until he reaches the waistband of her tights. He brings his hands up to her hips and looks up at her for permission. Rey nods and he pulls both her panties and her leggings to her ankles in one motion.

 

He places a single kiss on her mound before he rises to his feet. She drinks him in for a moment before he grabs her around the waist. She squeals in delight as he throws her onto the bed. Rey uses her elbows to shimmy towards the headboard. Kylo smirks and crawls over her body but Rey uses her foot to stop him.

 

“Wha-” He furrows his eyebrows as he looks at her foot on his chest.

 

She runs her foot down his stomach and she uses her big toe to point at his pants. “I want these off.” She purrs.

 

Kylo hesitates before he removes his sweatpants and Rey takes in the sight of him almost exposed before her.

 

“And those.” Kylo blushes and pulls down his boxers. Rey’s mouth drops open at the size of him and he smirks. Smug bastard.

 

Kylo laces his arms around her upper thighs and pulls her flat on the bed. He parts her legs gently and licks his lips.

 

“Please, Rey. I need to taste you.” Rey shudders and nods in approval. That asshole in college didn’t do anything for her pleasure.

 

His mouth latches onto her pussy immediately. She bucks her hips against his mouth, it was like nothing she had ever felt before. Kylo laps and sucks at her clit as Rey withers beneath him. Rey moans as his tongue slips inside her. Her hands instinctively grip his hair and she tugs gently, barely able to hold on.

 

He slips a finger in in place of his tongue and Rey feels her orgasm building. With the curl of his digit, Rey comes undone, screaming his name as her walls contract.

 

Kylo continues to lick her bud as she comes down from her climax.

 

“Fuck.” She says breathlessly as Kylo removes his head from between her legs. He brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean while never breaking eye contact with her. She swears she almost came again at the sight of it.

 

Kylo leans over her to place a hungry kiss on her lips. Rey captures his tongue between her teeth and sucks. His hips buck and his cock rubs against her stomach. Her hand reaches out and curls around his length. She begins to move her hand up and down, erratic at first, unsure of what to do. She had never been so worried about someone else’s pleasure before but she wanted to make sure this was perfect for him.

 

“Fuck, Rey.” Kylo groans. “You don’t have t- ah-” He’s cut off by her mouth. Rey wraps her legs around his torso and flips him onto his back. 

 

He stares up at her, his eyes full of wonderment and hunger. She crawls backwards down his body, moaning when her core slips over his dick. Kylo lifts his head from the pillow and Rey smirks when they make eye contact. She takes him in her mouth and his head falls back onto the pillow. She licks and sucks up his shaft, fondling with his balls. His hips begin to buck underneath her and he hits the back of her throat. She was unsure of what she was doing but she must have done something right. Rey resists the urge to gag.

 

“Rey. Stop. Please. I won’t last.” He begs breathlessly. Rey places a kiss on his tip before she sits on his stomach. His hand reaches up to play with her breast and Rey throws her head back.

 

“I need you in me, Kylo.” Rey begs.

 

“Patience.” He chuckles and Rey groans. Fucking asshole.

 

“No. Now.” She demands and rocks on his lower abdomen. He takes in a sharp breath and nods eagerly.

 

He begins to twist out from under her and Rey puts her hands on his chest to stop him.

 

“Where are you going?” Rey’s eyebrows knit together. Was he seriously about to leave her again?

 

“To get a condom.” He states nonchalantly. Oh, of course. She considers him for a moment. She would never normally have suggested this but there was just something about him. She trusts him with her life and she wants all of him _\- to feel everything_.

 

“We don’t need one.” She says timidly and the tips of her ears burn. “Are you clean?”

 

“Yes. It’s been a while.” Kylo sighs. Rey suddenly feels relief wash over her, was he as inexperienced as her? Surely not, he had ten years on her.

 

“What about…?” He falters at the words but Rey knows what he is implying.

 

“Yeah, same. I'm on the pill.” She had gotten it in college, not that she had really needed it anyway.

 

“Okay. Are you- are you sure?” He asks. Rey chews her cheeks and nods awkwardly.

 

“I need to hear you say it.” Kylo says sternly and runs his fingers down her cheek, her collarbone, the middle of her stomach.

 

“Kylo Ren I want you to fuck me raw.” Rey looks him dead in the eye and she can see something primal wash over his features. He sits up and crushes his lips against hers. His arm curls around her lower back and he flips her onto the bed.

 

Kylo’s hand reaches for his cock and he rubs it along her slit. Rey can feel him line up the tip against her as he looks into her eyes. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation. He begins to slowly push inside of her and it takes Rey every bit of willpower not to scream out. Kylo doesn’t stop until he’s completely filled her up.

 

“Are you okay sweetheart?” His eyes are full of concern as he caresses her cheek.

 

“Yeah, you’re just so big.” She chokes and she wriggles beneath him, trying to get comfortable. He makes a noise, a mix between a snort and growl.

 

He begins to move then, his lips latching onto hers. Their movements are messy at first, as they try to find their rhythm. Something clicks and the roll of her hips meet his thrusts and she whimpers at the feeling. She’s not sure what to do with her hands, she settles on resting them on his shoulders.

 

Rey wraps her ankles around his waist, changing the angle. Kylo begins to hit something deep inside her and they both gasp against each other’s lips. Rey’s fingernails dig into his skin as she holds on for dear life. The feeling is overwhelming, and she pants against his mouth as he starts to go faster, harder, more urgent.

 

Kylo’s hand moves from her jaw down to her clit and he begins to rub roughly. She can feel her pleasure building as he pumps in and out of her. The need for release becomes too much.

 

“Kylo, I’m gonna-” She starts to say but Kylo growls and begins to rub harder. She feels her walls begin to contract and she screams through her orgasm. It comes so violently, it almost hurts.

 

“Fuck Rey.” Kylo groans and his thrusts become more wild. She can tell he’s about to come undone above her. She lays exhausted beneath him.

 

“Come inside me.” She whispers. That must tip him over the edge because he grunts and his hips slow. She feels his warmth fill her.

 

They stare at each other, panting uncontrollably. Kylo plants a sloppy kiss on her lips before he pulls out of her. Rey turns onto her side to get a better view. He stares back at her with the goofiest smile she has ever seen. She leans forward and places a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose.

 

His arms engulf her body and he pulls her into his chest. She breathes in his scent and sighs.

 

“Stay?” He whispers into her hair.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Rey promises and curls in closer to his body. Kylo’s lips press into her forehead and they lay in silence.

 

She needs to tell him what she came here to say.

 

“Kylo?” She half-whispers but he doesn’t respond. His heavy breathing indicates that he had already fallen asleep.

 

Rey smiles against his chest and rests her lips on his skin. She can’t explain it but being wrapped up in his arms, after all this time searching for belonging… it was here the whole time. It was always with him; she was finally home.

 

\---------

 

Rey wakes hours later with Kylo’s hand tracing up and down her spine. They were still in the same position that they had fallen asleep in. The room was dark but the bedside lamp illuminates his features.

 

“Hi.” She giggles and looks up at him.

 

“Hello.” He smiles and he closes his lips over hers. It was sweet, slow, much more tender than the ones from earlier in the night. His hands run through her hair.

 

Rey smiles at the memories of earlier and she remembers something…she never told him. She breathes in deeply and mentally prepares herself to open her mouth.

 

“I forgot to tell you what I came here to say.” She says as she taps her finger lightly on his chest. Kylo shifts and pulls back from her, causing Rey to look at him. Kylo’s eyes widen and Rey can see the panic flicker in them. She needs to tell him, he needs to know how she feels about him, before it’s too late.

 

“I love you.” She confesses finally and it feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest. She had been denying it for so long but now, saying it out loud, she knows it’s true.

 

“What?” His fingers stop massaging her scalp.

 

“I said-” Rey begins to say it again but he cuts her off.

 

“No I heard you. I just…” His hand leaves her head and comes to rest on her hip. His thumb begins making circular motions on her skin. Rey begins to panic, had she said something wrong?

 

“Say it again.” He smirks and pulls her closer to him. Rey sighs with relief.

 

“Kylo Ren, I love you.” She smiles and looks up at him through her lashes.

 

He closes the gap between them. His kiss is hungry but lazy. She hums at the tenderness of it. She moves her hand into his soft hair and holds him to her. He obliges, his mouth moving softly against hers. Rey could stay like this forever but she remembers she has a life to get back to. A roommate who is probably worried shitless and a job she has to go to in the morning.

 

Rey isn’t quite ready to leave him just yet, however, she needs a shower desperately.

 

“I need a shower.” Rey mumbles against his lips and he whines. Rey smirks and pulls away, rolling out of the bed. She shivers at the loss of contact.

 

“Can I join you?” Kylo cocks his head to the side and licks his lips. Rey admires his toned body laying stark naked across the bed.

 

“I thought that was implied.” She teases and he jumps up from the bed. Kylo growls and wraps his arms around her waist. He pulls her into his chest and nibbles her ear lobe.

 

“Kylo.” Rey squeals as he carries her into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say tbh.  
> I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and it was worth waiting for.  
> Thanks for all your support everyone xx


	16. stay awhile, stay here with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two go at it like rabbits whenever they get the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter turned out longer than I intended it to. It's a lot more smuttier too.

Kylo knew he was staring. Look at her, how could he not? She was beautiful, compassionate, understanding- everything that he wasn’t. And yet _she loved him_. She was his. His beautiful, beautiful Rey is right where she’s meant to be.

 

“Kylo, you’re staring again.” She accuses playfully, looking up at him through her lashes. She is curled up on side on the bed while he sits cross legged next to her. She was in one of his oversized shirts again and he wishes that she could stay in it forever.

 

“Am I?” He hums and Rey giggles. Kylo doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of hearing that sound. He brings his hand to her cheek and tucks a curl behind her ear.

 

“I wish we could stay here forever.” She confesses.

 

“We could.” Kylo says after a moment. He didn’t need a good reason to curl up in bed with her and hold her against his chest. He would do it in a heartbeat- all she had to do was ask. She could ask anything of him and he would do it.

 

“Don’t be silly. We have jobs and I have friends that I need to get back to. Shit, Finn is probably worried sick. I didn’t tell him where I was.” She begins to move in the bed, clearly trying to find her phone. Kylo has no idea where it ended up.

 

“It’s alright, he knows.” He reassures her and places his hand on her cheek.

 

“How?” She asks.

 

“I told Poe.” Kylo shrugs and Rey’s eyes widen. He rises from the bed and begins to walk out of the room, in search of his phone. He should probably check if Poe had answered him.

 

“You told Poe that I was here?!” He hears Rey yell from the bedroom. She is still sitting on the bed when he returns. “Why did you tell him?” She asks as Kylo sits on the bed beside her.

 

“Let’s just say he gave me a very long lecture on us and why I should pull my tail out from between my legs.” Kylo chuckles dryly. Who would’ve known that it would take a verbal bashing from Poe before he finally did something about his burning need for Rey.

 

“Of course he did. He must have said something right.” Rey giggles and Kylo hums in amusement. Fucking Poe Dameron, always sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong and always managing to fix things.

 

“I should really get going though. We have work tomorrow and I have no clothes.” She sighs and he can’t stop the disappointment from washing over him.

 

He didn’t want her to leave. Part of him wanted snuggle up to her and the other part was worried what would happen when she left. Would it all be over? Would she suddenly realise that she no longer wanted him?

 

“Stay. We’ll drive to your place in the morning and you can get changed.” He offers up, hopeful. He watches her consider his words, silently begging her with his eyes. She stares at him and his heart sinks. He drops his gaze to his phone, trying to act as though it wasn’t bothering him that it was taking her this long to answer him. She was probably thinking up some excuse to leave him.

 

“Hmmm. You’ll have to be more convincing than that.” She teases with a cheerful giggle.

 

Kylo looks up from his phone, his eyes widen at her forwardness. Who was this Rey and what had she done with his slightly awkward, innocent one? Rey grabs his phone from his grip.

 

Rey sets down his phone beside them on the bed and leans in to him. He swallows and begins to fall back. Lowering as her face keeps getting closer to his. His back finally hits the mattress and he has nowhere else to go. Kylo’s mouth immediately goes dry, and suddenly he forgets how to breathe. She rests her hands by his hips, and her eyes darken, a hint of mischief glistening in them. She glances down, Kylo guesses at his crotch. Surely she couldn’t feel what she was doing to him already, unless she just assumed that she could get a rise out of him- the little minx. They stare at each others’ lips for a moment, breathing heavily, neither one wanting to break first.

 

She flings her leg over his body and hovers just above his lower abdomen. Rey carefully dips her hips so that she lightly grazes her core over his cock.

 

His heart practically begins convulsing inside his chest, and he wonders if it was possible for it to stop beating entirely. He liked this Rey, primal and daring. He feels the blood rush to his cheeks, and he swallows audibly, which just makes Rey smirk deviously. He is so fucked.

 

* * *

 

 

“Peanut! Where have you been?” Finn asks excitedly as Rey pushes her way through their front door. Finn wraps his arms around her and she relaxes into his embrace.

 

“Didn’t Poe tell you?” She questions as her chin rests on his shoulder.

 

“Yeah he did. I just want to hear you say it.” Finn teases as he pulls away from her. His hands remain wrapped around her elbows. Rey blushes at Finn’s smirk. He knew exactly what happened.

 

Rey drops her head bashfully and notices a pair of shoes by the door. They were Poe’s which means that Poe is still here and Poe is never here at eight in the morning.

 

“Wait, did he stay the night?” Rey questions and she can’t hide the shit eating grin which had begun to form on her face.

 

“Stop changing the subject.” She notices the pink tinge on Finn’s cheeks.

 

“He did!” She half squeals and then covers her mouth. He could probably hear them from the bathroom.  

 

“Nothing happened but something between you and Mr. Sexy Boss certainly did. Look at you, you’re glowing.” Finn smiles as he checks her over. Rey rolls her eyes at the bizarre nickname.

 

“Shut up.” She hits his bicep playfully and she feels her cheeks warm up again.

 

“Was he good?” Finn wiggles his eyebrows.

 

“Finn!” She squeaks in shock. Rey must admit that she’s still quite embarrassed when it came to talking about sex with other people. She couldn’t explain why but it was never something that she found easy to talk about.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He puts his arms up mockingly but he continues to grin. “Look at that smile, he was good. Damn I owe Poe twenty.” He sighs and pulls out his wallet from his back pocket.

 

“You were betting on how good he was?” Rey asks, unsure whether to find the bet offensive or not. Finn rummages through his wallet and sighs when he can’t find what he’s looking for.

 

“No, just how long it would take until you guys banged.” He says simply.

 

“Oh, great.” She snorts.

 

“Don’t be upset, peanut. We have to entertain ourselves somehow.” She wasn’t upset, more embarrassed really and she felt like a fool. Everyone else could see what was going on between them, except for them.  

 

“Whatever. I’m going to get dressed.” She rolls her eyes and heads towards her room.

 

Rey pulls her blouse over her head and does the buttons up as usual. She stands in front of her closest, her hand grazes over bottoms. She goes to pull out her black trousers when she notices her tan pencil skirt next to it. Biting her lip, she considers it for a moment. She hadn’t worn it in months, not since she went out with Finn and Poe but for some reason she wanted to be daring today.

 

She jerks the skirt up and stands in front of her full length mirror. She stares at her reflection, something wasn’t right. She undoes one more button than usual and tucks in her shirt. Rey smiles weakly, yes, that was better. She tugs her hair into a knot on the top of her head and slips on her ballet flats.

 

“You look hot.” Rey whips her head around to find Finn standing against the kitchen counter, his eyebrow cocked. He has a grin on his face as he watches her walk into the lounge room.

 

“What? I’m just in a skirt and blouse.” She says dumfounded but he was right. Her outfit was very much for Kylo, she found enjoyment in watching him become flustered as knew that this outfit would do that.

 

“Yeah a skirt that hugs your body and blouse with one too many buttons undone.” Finn deadpans and Rey hears Poe’s familiar chuckle from the lounge. She had missed him as she entered the room.

 

“Finn.” Rey says.

 

“I know someone who’s going to like it.” Poe smiles wide and leans back into the couch. Rey groans in frustration and throws her hands in the air. This was not a fight she was going to win, especially when she knew they were right.

 

“Okay, I’m going now.” She groans and picks up her bag from beside the front door.

 

“Have fun!” Poe calls after her as she shuts the door a fraction too forcefully.

 

Rey took the stairs two steps at a time, thankful for the stretchy material of her skirt and the split up the back. She feels bad about leaving Kylo sitting in his car for half an hour. She smiles when she sees him leaning against the hood of his black car. He had ditched the suit today, opting to wear just black dress pants and a shirt. She must admit, he looked gorgeous, she wasn’t the only one dressed to impress.  

 

Kylo’s mouth drops open slightly as she approaches and she can’t conceal her smirk. She wills herself not run into his arms as she walks casually over to him. He doesn’t move, his eyes remain trained on her. Rey positions herself between his legs and wraps her arms around his neck. Kylo’s arms come up to rub up and down her back as she leans into kiss him. His mouth moves hungrily against hers, his tongue runs over her bottom lip, desperate to enter her mouth.

 

Rey pulls him in closer until it was physically impossible to separate the two bodies. Kylo’s tongue rolls against the roof of her mouth and she whimpers against his lips. His hands slip down her back and squeeze her ass gently.

 

“We..should…go.” Rey whispers between kisses and Kylo groans in protest. Rey laughs and breaks away from him. He looks up at her and pouts and Rey pecks his nose. Kylo reluctantly pushes up from his car and places a kiss on her forehead before he moves to the passenger side, opening the door for her. He slides into the driver seat beside her, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. He shifts the gears into drive and pulls away from the curb before speeding off down the street.

 

They pull up in a side street around the corner from the office. Kylo turns off the car and turns to Rey.

 

“Uhm, this is going to sound ridiculous but you’re going to need to get out. We can’t really show up together.” Kylo explains as he rubs the back of his neck.

 

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. I completely forgot about this being forbidden.” Rey lets out a dry laugh.

 

“I wouldn’t call it that. Just frowned upon.” Kylo frowns.

 

“Forbidden sounds sexier.” Rey purrs and leans into him.

 

“I suppose it does.” He hums and places a tender kiss on Rey’s mouth. “I’ll see you up there.”

 

“See you soon.” Rey mumbles against his lips and pulls away half-heartedly. Kylo turns the key in the ignition and she gets out of the car. She gives him one last smile before she shuts the door. Rey watches the car disappear down the street.

 

Rey catches herself smiling as she walks in the elevator. She shakes her head and composes herself. She is unsure of how she is meant to make it through the day. How she is meant to act like the man she loves isn’t sitting across from her. She gives herself a once over before she steps out into the office.  

 

“Hey, Rey.” Mitaka says from the front desk and Rey stops abruptly. He doesn’t usually say hello with so much confidence. It dawns on her then, he is happy because Kylo hasn’t been here for days. Poor guy’s going to be in for a shock.

 

“Hey, Mitaka. Rose.” Rey grins as she walks over to them.

 

“Rey. How was your night?” Rose asks.

 

“Oh, the usual.” Rey lies and prays that the heat in her cheeks isn’t visible. “Yours?”

 

“It was good. Nothing special.” Rose responds.

 

“What about you Mitaka?” Rey watches Mitaka’s eyes light up at her question.

 

“It was great actually. I went out with some mates, had a few drinks.” Rey smiles at his excitement. Suddenly, the colour drains from his face. His skin turns from white to grey. Rey furrows her eyebrows in confusion and follows his gaze. Her eyes lock with Kylo’s and he quickly looks away. He brushes past her without so much as a word and Rey snaps her attention back to Mitaka.

 

“Sorry, buddy.” Rose says with a chuckle and smacks Mitaka on the back. Rey smiles in empathy.

 

“I’ve got to get to work.” Rey says and turns from the desk.

 

She makes her way down the hall and comes to a halt in front of his office. Kylo looks up from his book work, as if he sensed her standing there. He smiles widely and Rey returns the gesture before she slips into her own office.

 

She pulls everything from her bag and places them neatly on her desk. She lifts her chin up to see Kylo still staring at her with amusement in his eyes. She blushes and tucks a curl behind her ear. Kylo’s eyes harden and she pulls her phone from her handbag.

 

**iMessage 9:43AM**

\----------------------------------

 

**_Rey_ **

_I miss you already even though you are right there_

 

**_KR_ **

_I know what you mean_

 

 

Rey sighs in relief and smiles to herself. She was worried she was sounding too needy. Surely they were beyond that now. Rey looks up at him then and see’s that look in his eye again. The look he had given her that night she stayed over. The night that she was sure if she had been near him a minute longer, something would have happened.

 

**_Rey_ **

_What are you thinking about?_

 

**_KR_ **

_You_

 

**_Rey_ **

_Yeah? What about me?_

 

**_KR_ **

_About how easy it would be for me to rip that shirt off_

 

Rey gasps softly. She hadn’t expected him to be so forward, she liked it. She chose her next words wisely, playing into the game.

 

**_Rey_ **

_Is that so?_

 

She locks eyes with him again, egging him on, challenging him. She sees him smirk and type out a message. She only looks down when her phone buzzes.

 

**_KR_ **

_And how I want to throw you over this desk._

_Put my hands all over your body._

_Worship you._

_Eat you out_

_and fuck you until you scream my name_

 

Rey’s eyes widen and the familiar feeling of heat pools between her legs. She glances up again and she can’t help but imagine what he just described. Rey shifts in her seat, crossing her legs, trying to ease the building pressure.

 

**_Rey_ **

_You’re unbelievable_

_Do you know what you are doing to me?_

_I’m soaking through my underwear_

_and I can’t do anything about it_

 

She hits ‘send’ and she smiles to herself. Two can play at this game. She sees Kylo wiggle in his chair and she feels a sense of smugness.

 

**_KR_ **

_I’m not stopping you_

 

He challenges her and Rey knows what he is implying immediately. She bites her lip in thought. She could do it; it was unlikely that someone would walk past. They wouldn’t be able to tell what she was doing anyway. She freaks out and sends him another message.

 

**_Rey_ **

_Kylo no. Someone will see_

 

**_KR_ **

_Touch yourself babe_

 

 

It’s not a suggestion, it’s a command. Rey curls her lips and glances up at him, her vision slightly blurred. She places her phone onto the desk and brings her hand to cup her breast. Kylo shifts forward in his chair, leaning in closer, he licks his lips. She palms herself gently and Kylo moves forward in his seat. She lets her hand drop into her lap and she kneads at her pussy. Rey can see Kylo stiffen, his hands clawing at his desk.

 

She needs relief, only a relief that he can give her. She stands up from her chair and struts to her door. She quickly gazes up and down the hallway, when she decides it’s clear, she walks into his office. Closing the door behind her, she draws the blinds and locks the door.

 

“Rey, what are you doing?”

 

“Nothing.” She places her hands on either of his shoulders. He shudders under her touch. Rey slides her hands over his shoulders, snaking them around the top of his chest. Her forearms are crossed over his collarbones and she pulls him into her. Kylo leans back into her embrace and she buries her head in his neck. He brings his hand up to her arm and squeezes gently. She runs her hands down his chest.

 

“Rey, don’t. I won’t be able to control myself.” He rests his chin on her arm and lets out a sigh. He places his lips gently on her skin, causing the fine hairs on her arms to rise.

 

“Is this really what you want?” She whispers in his ear and his body trembles.

 

“Yes.” He is pleading with her now. He’s going to lose this fight and she knows it. Kylo Ren has zero self control, even less than Rey has in this very moment.

 

“You’re lying to me, Kylo Ren. You promised me that you would never lie to me.” That was a cheap blow and she knows it. She pulls away from him in fake frustration and his hand grips around her elbow. She wasn’t sure what he intended to do, but she knew that he couldn’t let her go. He studies her for a moment and he finally gives in to his impulses. He gives her a tug and she’s suddenly in his lap.  

 

“You need to get out of here.” He refuses to look at her and she’s sure that she can see his pain. Rey can see his clenched his fists beside him, his hands shaking at his side as he fights the urge to reach out to her.

 

“No.” She shakes her head and he turns his face towards her. His eyes are on her lips and she runs her tongue over them.

 

“Rey.” It’s a warning but Rey ignores it. Kylo lifts his hand and places his palm flat on her clavicle. Rey’s head tilts back slightly and she wriggles under his touch.

 

“Rey, don’t do that.” Kylo growls and Rey’s eyebrows knit together.

 

“Do what?” She asks and adjusts herself in his lap to look at him better. He lets out a strained groan.

 

“That.” Kylo gulps and Rey’s eyes widen and she looks down. His cock was straining against the material of his pants.

 

“Oh.” She responds smugly but doesn’t move. Her eyes drop to his lips. Rey couldn’t tell who was closing the distance between them. She flips her left leg over his lap and she has to push her skirt up her legs so that she can straddle him. She rolls her hips slightly, and Kylo sucks in a breath as his cock twitches against her core.  She feels him become harder underneath her, if that was even possible.

 

Kylo’s hand grabs at her face and his fingertips gaze along her lips. He slips his index finger in her mouth and runs it along her teeth. Rey’s jaw locks and she sucks on his digit. Kylo’s eyes widen at her actions and Rey smirks.

 

“Rey, are you trying to seduce me?” Kylo questions.

 

“Is it working?” Rey asks as she continues to grind against him.

 

“No.” He says unconvincingly, his voice breaking slightly.  

 

“Other parts of you are telling me otherwise.” She says smugly and looks down at his lap. She notices the tips of his ears turn red.

 

“You little- one day I’m going to fuck you on this desk.” He growls and takes her bottom lip between his teeth before he begins to suck.

 

“Is that a promise, Sir?” Kylo takes in a sharp breath, almost as though he was in pain.

 

“What’s wrong?” Rey questions, panic in her voice. Had she hurt him?

 

“Nothing.” He promises but his breathing had sped up. And it hits her.

 

“Do you like me calling you that, _Sir_?” She purrs and Kylo lets out a throaty groan.

 

“Rey. You’re going to make me come in my pants.” She moans at the thought of them coming undone in each others arms.

 

“You fucking tease.” His breath is hot on her cheek.

 

“Oh, I’m not teasing.” Something primal washes over her and she begins to move against him. She knew that she should stop but she was too lost in the need to alleviate the almost painful ache between her legs.

 

Kylo shifts beneath her, positioning his hips at a better angle. Rey knows that she was soaked through her lace underwear, she had been since Kylo sent that text message. But know she was sure that her wetness was beginning to soak through his pants as well. Kylo’s thumbs stroke her nipples, and Rey throws her head back at the sensation.

 

Rey continues her chaotic movements, a mixture of grinding and jumping on his lap. His hips continue to buck underneath her, with each thrust his erection rubs her clit. Kylo’s lips come down onto her jaw and he bites and sucks at her skin. One of his hands traces down her body until he digs his nails into her hip. The sensible part of her was screaming to stop, but every other part of her was telling her that she was so close.

 

Two more thrusts from Kylo cause her fingers to grip his hair and her toes to curl. She bites her tongue in attempt to stop the scream from falling from her parted lips. But it was so good, so relieving- She is silenced just in time by Kylo’s large palm over her mouth. She continued to ride him through the waves of pleasure.

 

The frantic pace of Kylo’s thrusting suddenly stops and he grunts. She feels a new warmth and wetness against her core. Rey buries her head against his neck and breathes in his intoxicating scent.

“You just made me come in my pants, Rey.” Kylo chuckles breathlessly. Rey smiles against his skin and sighs. She could stay in his arms all day but she knows people will get suspicious if she was missing for too long.

 

“Come over tonight.” He begs her as his fingers twirl the baby hairs on the base of her neck. She nods against his shoulder.

 

“I wouldn’t miss it.” She pulls away to look at him. He grins at her and she bends down to slot her lips against his. She uses his chest to push up from him and he tries to keep the kiss going as long as possible. He pouts at her playfully and she smiles down at the grown man sitting in front of her, pulling puppy dog eyes like child wanting a new toy. She exhales and moves towards the exit.

 

Rey adjusts her clothes before she opens the door and she can’t help but wonder what the hell he was going to do about his pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's outfit](https://www.lulus.com/images/product/xlarge/1569538_251602.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> these two have a lot of built up sexual tension, leave them alone. 
> 
> there will be a lot more office shenanigans in the future as well.
> 
> chapter title: "i like me better" by Lauv
> 
> Thanks again to every who commented last chapter. It's honestly like food and tbh it reminds me to write this damn piece of trash.


	17. we were running in the dark, we were following our hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It starts with a b  
> (Starts with a b)  
> It goes B-you-S-T-E-D you are busted!"  
> \- Candace Flynn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry that this has taken so long to update. Life has just been out of control lately. This chapter is a little bit shorter than usual but I just wanted to give you guys something. Thank you to everyone who has stuck around. 
> 
> Ch title: Michael Schulte- Falling apart

“Rey! Wait up.” Rey hears Rose call from down the hall. She stops suddenly and turns on her heel to see Rose running to meet her.

 

“Hey.” Rey smiles warmly.

 

“Hey. I came by your office earlier but you weren’t there.” Rose says and Rey stiffens, remembering back to her and Kylo’s little rendezvous. Rey holds her breath, expecting Rose to say more but nothing ever comes. Rose looks at her expectantly and Rey tries to think on her feet.

 

“Oh…yeah. I, uh, went for a walk. Needed some air.” Rey lies, not very well and she feels her cheeks flush. She internally curses herself for being such a bad liar. Rose considers her for a moment and shrugs.

 

“Are you okay?” Rose questions, slightly concerned. Rey swallows and nods quickly. She looks over Rose’s shoulder and her eyes widen when she sees Kylo stride out of his office with new pair of navy pants on. Anyone else wouldn’t have taken a second look but Rey knew he was definitely wearing black pants this morning. Rose clears her throat and Rey shakes her head.

 

“Yeah I’m great. Why?” Rey shifts her feet and bites her lip nervously. She was praying that Rose hadn’t noticed her staring at Kylo.

 

“You just seem… distant.” Rose offers up and Rey can see the beginnings of a smirk working her way on to her lips.

 

“Do I?” Rey acts dumbfounded.

 

“Yeah.” Rose grins and looks over to where Kylo had been standing moments earlier. Rey feels the blood drain from her cheeks. Rose knows.

 

\--------------------

 

Rey stands in front of the coffee machine, replaying hers and Rose’s conversation earlier. Surely Rose couldn’t have known the whole situation… surely. Kylo and her had been so careful, he had even dropped her off away from the building this morning. They barely even spoke at work. They did nothing that could’ve given them away. Well, besides dry humping in his office- but the doors were locked and the blinds were closed. She finally comes to the conclusion that no, Rose couldn’t know that they were dating…was it dating? Fucking? Whatever _it_ was, was their little secret- and Poe and Finn’s.

 

Rey watches absently as the coffee begins to drizzle into the cup when she feels a hand graze along her ass. She jumps in response and a large hand engulfs hers, calming her immediately. Rey looks down at their intertwined hands, up into his dark eyes, and then around the room. When she realises that no one is watching, she leans into his shoulder. She hums and removes her fingers from his, knowing that they had to be careful. She replaces his warmth with heat from the mug and turns her back to the bench. She leans against the counter, her lips to the cup. Kylo continues to make himself look busy by slowly going through the coffee capsules.

 

“Nice pants.” Rey says into her mug, still watching the movement of others in the tea room. Her gaze remains fixated on the door, to ensure that no one enters while they are standing so close.

 

“Hmmm.” Kylo hums in amusement and Rey hears the beeping of the machine behind her.

 

“I could’ve sworn I saw you in black pants this morning _, Sir_.” Rey says with a hint of seductiveness in her tone and she swears she hears him whimper next to her.

 

“A certain employee made me spill something on them. I had to change. Lucky for them I keep a spare change of clothes in my office.” His voice is monotone and Rey knows that he is trying to control himself.

 

“Very lucky. You better steer clear of this person for the rest of the day. What ever will you do if they caused you to have another little _accident_.” She returns playfully.

 

“They will be punished accordingly.” Kylo whispers lowly, he turns to her and licks his lips. His intense gaze causes her body to be pulled towards him. They stand facing each other, too close but oh, so far away. Rey’s grip tightens on the handle of the cup as she tries to pull her attention away from the ache between her legs. Rey bites her lip and Kylo’s eyes narrow.

 

“Ren.” The two immediately break apart and their heads snap to the source of the noise.

 

Rey’s mood completely changes as soon as she sees Hux standing in front of them. With his hair greased back and suspicion on his features, Hux glances between them. Fuck, Rey just wants to punch him in his smug, pale face. Kylo glares at Hux and Rey can feel the tension building.

 

“You are needed in my office. Snoke would like a word.” Hux says to Kylo. The two men continue to stare at each other as though they were having some kind of pissing contest while she stands there awkwardly. Rey yawns loudly and Kylo’s attention is redirected to her. He looks at her for a moment and then begins to walk away with Hux in toe. Rey continues to stare at the door, even after they are out of view.

 

“Okay. What was that?” Rey flinches at the question and twists to see Rose with her arms crossed. Fuck, Rey had forgotten to look over to the other side of the room before flirting with Kylo. Rey prays to any god who is listening that Rose was sitting out of ear shot.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rey mutters as she makes her way over to the table in the corner of the room. Rose speed walks to keep up with Rey’s long strides.

 

“You two were about to rip each others clothes off in the middle of the tea room.” Rose whispers harshly and Rey freezes immediately. Shit.

 

“We certainly were not.” Rey says quickly and slides onto the chair.

 

“Seriously, Rey? I’m not an idiot.” Rose rolls her eyes and sits in the seat across from her. “Who even notices that their boss was wearing different pants anyway.” Rose thinks out aloud and Rey knows it wasn’t a question. If she heard that part, that means she heard the whole conversation.

 

“You heard that?” _Fuck, fuck. Fuckity fuck_ Rey chants over and over again.

 

“I heard most of it actually.” Rose says in a matter-of-fact tone and Rey flinches.

 

“Shit.” Rey sighs.

 

“Yeah. _What were_ you doing this morning, Rey?” Rose says smugly. Rose already what she was doing, or, better yet- who she was doing.

 

“Uh…” Rey coughs and begins picking at her nails. She just wishes that she could sink into the chair.

 

“Oh my god. You banged him in his office, didn’t you?” Rose gasps but Rey can tell that she’s excited.

 

“Not quite.” Rey offers up, half-heartedly. 

 

“Okay I need details. Now!” Rose leans forward in her chair and slaps her palms onto the table. Rey groans and chooses to start from the beginning.

 

“Holy shit, you love him.” Rose breathes as she realises and Rey smiles weakly. “And he loves you too.” Rey’s shoulders stiffen at that. No, he doesn’t. He couldn’t, no one could love her. He hasn’t said it, so he can’t, can he?

 

“No he doesn’t.” Rey says hastily and she doesn’t know who she was trying to convince because Rose wasn’t having a bar of it.

 

“Yes he does. You haven’t seen how he looks at you. I thought it was a one-off that day when he came in here and asked you to look over that case for him. But just then, when he looked at you, it was like you were the only thing in the world. He loves you, Rey.” Rey sits there with her mouth agape.

 

Maybe he did love her, but why hadn’t he told her? He shouldn’t have to say it, she should know. But part of her does know that he does, so why was she begging so desperately for it not to be true? She realises it then; she’s scared to be wanted. She’s been alone all this time and someone wants her, really wants her and it terrifies her.

 

“Rey?” Rose’s voice snaps Rey back into reality.

 

“Yeah?” Rey turns her glassy gaze back to Rose.

 

“Don’t let him get away.” Rose grabs the hand that Rey had left lazily on the table between them. Rey frowns at the gesture, it was truly sincere, like Rose was actually concerned that Rey would lose him.

 

“Why are you supporting this? I thought you hated him?” Rey questions, remembering back to all the conversations where Rose had spat venom at Kylo every chance she got.

 

“I don’t hate him, never did. I hate Hux, not Ren. I always knew Kylo wasn’t like the others. There is something inside him that the others don’t have.” Rose shrugs and Rey’s eyes widen.

 

“What is that?”

 

“Compassion, love.” Rose explains and Rey knows she’s talking about his love for her. “…remorse.”  She continues. Rey cocks her head in confusion but doesn’t push the statement. Rey was pretty certain she knew what Rose had meant- Kylo regrets what he has done with the company. Rey already knew this but hearing it come from someone else’s mouth gave her the reassurance she needed. Kylo Ren was not cut out for First Order. He is not the monster he pretends to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They aren't really that "busted" but I just had to use that song because it was the first thing that popped into my head when I was writing this. So far, Rose is the only one who knows- or so Rey thinks.... dun dun dunnnn.  
> I'll try to update soon.  
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos my lovelies xoxo  
> tumblr- aldeeraan


	18. I think I'm breaking right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds out the truth

Kylo unlocks the door to his apartment, his arms remain around Rey as he continues to nibble at her neck. Rey squirms against him as she can’t subdue the giggles that escape her lips when they stumble into his apartment. As Rey begins to twist into his embrace, she notices a figure sitting on the couch. She lets out a squeal and backs into Kylo, whose grip tightens on her. His hands shoot to her hips, tugging her to his right side protectively.

 

Rey recognises the tiny woman instantly. It’s Senator Organa. Her distinct style and fancy hairstyles make her hard to forget and now she is sitting on Kylo’s couch staring at the two of them in a way that Rey can only describe as joy.

 

“Mother!” Kylo yells from beside Rey, causing her to jump.

 

“Mother?” Rey questions as she twists to look at Kylo but he doesn’t pay any attention to her. Instead his eyes remain locked on the Senator but there’s no shock, or menace in his stance- just annoyance.

 

“Ben, it’s time.” Ben? Rey must have heard her wrong in all of the confusion.

 

“Now?” Kylo asks, his voice shakes slightly. Rey knows instantly that Kylo is fearful, of what, she has no fucking idea. Rey’s gaze flickers back and forth between the two figures who seem to be having an unspoken conversation.

 

“Hi, Rey, dear. How are you?” Rey snaps out of her daydream as the senator approaches her with her arms wide. The senator rests her hands around Rey’s upper arms and smiles warmly.

 

“Senator Organa. I’m great, th-thank you.” Rey stutters, half in shock at the situation, and half awe struck by the radiance of the woman in front of her. Leia’s eyebrows knit together and she whips her head to look at Kylo.

 

“Ben. Why is she looking at me like she has no idea who I am and what I’m doing in your living room?” There it was again, Ben. She had definitely said Ben. Rey feels Kylo stiffen beside her.

 

“Because I haven’t told her.” Kylo sighs deeply.

 

“Benjamin!” Leia half yells at Kylo and he flinches.

 

“Benjamin?” Rey murmurs and looks between the senator and Kylo. Suddenly, it clicks. That name, she knows that name. “You. You’re Ben Solo?” Rey whispers and Kylo nods wearily.

 

Rey’s mouth drops open and she has to step back from the two. Kylo is looking at her like he was in pain. Kylo tries to extend his hand out to her but she twists out of his reach. He trembles slightly and turns his face away from her.

 

Rey remembers the story well; it was one that had baffled the media for over a decade. Ben Solo, the senator’s son went missing from the spotlight since the age of fifteen. Nobody knows where he went and Leia refused to speak of him. Everyone thought he was dead but he has been here the whole time. He had been with her all this time and hadn’t told her the truth.

 

They all stand in silence for what feels like hours until the senator finally speaks.

 

“I’m going to go. It was lovely seeing you again Rey. And Ben I’ll call you later.” Rey smiles weakly at Leia before the woman turns and picks up her handbag from the floor.

 

Rey continues to stare at the door long after Leia has left. It dawns on her then, Leia had said it was nice to see you again, not nice meeting you. Why would she say that? Rey is certain that she has never met Senator Organa in her life but there was something so familiar about her. She looks over at Kylo who still won’t look her in the eye. His face, he looks so broken, so young…and then the memory splinters in her mind.

 

_“Benjamin Chewbacca Solo, get your butt in here and clean up this mess.” A woman yells from the porch of a red brick house._

_The teenage boy with black hair rolls his eyes and grins at Rey. Rey hears herself giggle and small hands, her hands, reach out to shove the boy towards the house._

_“Fine. You’re right, brat. Let’s go clean up your mess before mom chucks a tizzy fit.” The boy teases and stalks towards the house._

_“Hey Ben, wait up!” She calls after him and she has to sprint to keep up with him._

“What the fuck?” Rey whispers to herself. She had never had that memory before, at least not that clearly. The boy couldn’t be any older than fourteen and judging by her hands, Rey had to be a young girl. It was Kylo, she knew it was but how?

 

“You weren’t meant to find out like this.” Kylo walks slowly towards her. His bottom lip is trembling slightly and Rey can swear he’s got tears in his eyes.

 

“Tell me the truth. No more lies.” Rey almost begs him. She isn’t angry, she is just tired of the secrets. Kylo nods in response and closes the gap between them. She has to crane her neck to look at him.

 

“Do you feel this, Rey?” Kylo whispers as he strokes her cheek. Yes, _Yes_! She wanted to scream at him. She felt it every time he touched her, warmth, belonging…love.

 

“Feel what?” She says instead.

 

“This spark between us, raw and burning?” She nods. It was like touching a live wire. “Have you ever felt that before?” His eyes are searching hers, waiting for a sign.

 

“Only once, when I was a little girl. I can’t remember when… _who,_ but the feeling…” She pauses and leans into his hand. “…it was exactly like this.”

 

Kylo looks at her, his eyebrows rise and he has a glisten in his eyes. Those eyes belonged to that boy she once knew. The one from her dreams, the one from the memory.

 

“Oh my god. That was you.” She says out loud for the first time and it sounds ridiculous to her. That boy was imaginary, she made him up after her grandfather went to prison. It was a coping mechanism for the foster homes. He was a friend so she didn’t feel so lonely. 

 

“Ben?” Rey realises who he is, she had known for a while but she didn’t want to believe it. The boy in her dreams stood before her. The reason the boy had turned into Kylo is because _he was Kylo_. “My Ben? I thought I’d never see you again. You were just some crazy memory. I convinced myself that I had made you up but you were real the whole time.”

 

“Yes, it’s me.” His hands move to either side of her head. His smile widens and a single tear trails down his cheek.

 

“This past month, you knew who I was and didn’t say anything. You tell me that whole time you were keeping this from me?” That night in his apartment, he was talking about her. She was the baby sister who had returned to him. She steps back from him and his hands remain in the air.

 

“I thought you didn’t remember me. Rey, you were five years old.” His arms tighten around his torso as though he had been shot.

 

“Of course I remember who you are… _were_. I don’t know what you’ve become but you were my best friend, Ben. You were the memory I clung to when I felt alone. Where did you go?” The tears had begun to dampen her cheeks and her knees felt as though they were about to give way beneath her.

 

“You left me. Your grandfather took you away. You were like my baby sister. I practically raised you. I missed you everyday for years and then one day, it just stopped hurting so much.”

 

“Oh my god, it is you.” Rey steps towards him and places her hand on his chest in disbelief.

 

“Yes, it is sweetheart.” His hand wraps around hers, holding it against his heart. Rey could feel it pounding against her palm.

 

“Oh, god.” She whispers. It was too much. She turns away from him; his hand still envelops hers. She pulls away from him and his fingers let go of her hand reluctantly.

 

“Rey, wait. Where are you going?” Kylo runs after her and she pauses, her hand on the doorknob.

 

She can’t breathe. She’s in love with Kylo Ren, her boss. She’s in love with Ben Solo, the boy she knew so long ago. The boy she thought she had created in her mind. “I need to get some fresh air. I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this.”

 

“Rey.” Kylo grabs her chin and pulls her head up so that he can look into her eyes.

 

“Please don’t.” Rey begs.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Kylo apologizes over and over again. Each word was more broken than the last.

 

“You lied to me, Ben… _Kylo_?” She says his name in distaste because neither of them feels right. Which one belonged to him, who was the man standing in front of her right now?

 

“I know. If I could go back and change it, I would.”

 

“But you can’t.” She says flatly.

 

“I know.” He sighs.

 

“But why, Kylo?” She needs an answer, some sort of explanation as to why he kept all this from her.

 

“Ben. Please call me Ben.”

 

“Ben.” She tries it out and for some reason it fits. Ben must have realised it too because he relaxed instantly, like weight had been lifted. The weight of being Kylo Ren.

 

“I didn’t know if you’d remember me.” He says after a moment.

 

Rey studies his face. “That’s bullshit.”

 

“I was scared, okay?” He looks away from her in embarrassment. “I was scared that you were back in my life because I have closed myself off from feeling anything for so long. And then you, with your strength and your compassion, come along. The moment that I laid eyes on you in Starbucks, I knew that I had to have you. And then you showed up in the office with your damn hazel eyes and that’s when I realised, it was you.”

 

“Ben.” She whispers.

 

“Please let me finish because I don’t know if I can watch you walk away from me without you knowing this. I cried everyday for weeks after you left. You were only a kid but you were my best friend, the only person who made it all okay. You left just like that. My mom said I could call you but I threw out the number. I couldn’t stand the idea of talking over the phone. You were either in my life or you weren’t. I thought it would be easier to shut myself off.”

 

Rey listens as he pours everything out to her. After all this time, he finally opened up but Rey can’t help but feel like it was too late.

 

“You returned to me a month ago and all those emotions came flooding back. You were just as fiery as you used to be but you had grown into a woman. A beautiful woman. I began to feel again. More intensely than I ever thought possible.”

 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore. Are you Ben Solo or Kylo Ren?” Her eyes search his for any indication as to who she was speaking to. She shakes her head, it’s not like there was two people living inside him.

 

“I’m Ben, I’ve always been Ben.” He admits.

 

“I don’t know what to do, what to feel. I fell in love with Kylo Ren.” The words come out before she can even comprehend what they mean.

 

“We’re the same person, Rey.”

 

“Are you really the person I’ve come to know this past few weeks? Because he’s the boy I once knew. He’s the man that I love, not the man I met in Starbucks one morning. He was not a good person. I don’t want him.” Rey’s hands curl into the fabric of his shirt. She latches onto him, afraid what would happen if she was to let go.

 

“I’m changing. I’m really trying to be the person you once cared for.” He pulls her into him and she buries her face into his chest.   

 

“Why Ben?” His birth name feels strange on her lips but it feels right. It feels like she has finally found the missing piece of the puzzle.

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why did you lie?” She mumbles into his chest.

 

“Because I love you.” He whispers into her ear and her breathing hitches. He what?

 

“No. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this.”

 

“Rey I have loved you for your whole life. I loved you from the moment you wrapped your tiny fingers around my pinkie. I loved you when you threw up all over my shirt. I loved you when you grabbed handfuls of mom’s spaghetti and threw it across the dining table. I loved you as I watched you drive away in the back of your grandfather’s car. But Rey, I _fell in love_ with you the moment you tapped me on the shoulder in Starbucks.”

 

Kylo pauses as if he’s waiting for her to reply. Rey opens her mouth to say something, anything but she can’t create any words. He must realise that she wasn’t going to say anything and he continues.

 

“I have always loved you. I will never stop loving you, so I will wait. I’ll wait for you to decide if you want me, as long as it takes. I lost you once, I can’t do it again.” His large hands tighten around her back and he pulls her in passively. Rey lets out a whimper.

 

“So there’s something you should know and I want you to hear it from me.” He pulls her away from him so that he can see her face.

 

“Ben, you’re scaring me.” She says as every possibility flies through her head. Was he breaking up with her? Has he done something awful?

 

“I helped Snoke put your grandfather in prison.” He confesses and Rey would’ve collapsed if Kylo wasn’t holding onto her arms.

 

“You what?” She breathes in disbelief.

 

“Not directly. I wasn’t working for the company…yet. Snoke needed me to prove my loyalty to him. I found some files on him which were shady.”

 

“My grandfather was a good man. He never did anything wrong.”

 

“He was, and I’m not saying that he wasn’t but his money came from somewhere. Somewhere not completely legal, he had to have had dealings with some dark people.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

And she couldn’t understand. Her grandfather was a good man. His company was benevolent, he tried to help others. He always did pro-bono cases, always. Anyone who came to him in need, he tried his best to help. Rey’s eyes widen, maybe Kylo was right. Her grandfather had the best intensions but how did he get the money to help all those people?

 

“Snoke planted evidence he needed to frame him and turned him into the authorities. Ben Kenobi did some dodgy deals but nothing bad enough that he deserved to lose everything for.” His voice changes, it becomes solemn, regretful. Rey tugs her arms from his grip and his face falls.

 

“Are you trying to tell me that you were the reason why we lost everything? Why I ended up in foster care?” She spits at him. She already knows the answer, but she needs to hear him say it. She needs to hear him say that he had a part in one of the worst moments of her life.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fuck you, Ben Solo. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” She opens the door and storms out into the hallway. She knows he will follow her. She presses the button on the elevator multiple times, praying that the doors open before Kylo stops her.

 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want that to happen to you. Snoke lied to me. Kenobi was only meant to lose his business, not go to prison. I’m not trying to shift the blame but I never had anything to do with the case. I just found that one file.”

 

Rey pauses and turns around to face him. She looks into his eyes and it feels like her body is being stabbed over and over, each memory cutting deeper into her skin. It was him, him who did this. She should hate him, but she doesn’t, she loves him. She hates that she just wants to run into his arms and forgive him. **No**.

 

“But you did nothing to stop him even when you knew who he was? He was like an uncle to you. I was your best friend.” She clenches her fists and steps towards him. The anger rolls off of her and she swears Kylo takes a step back.

 

“I know and I’ll never forgive myself.” He puts his hands out in front of him, like he was reaching for her.

 

“I-I don’t know if I can do this.” She stutters as she tries to hold back her tears.

 

“Maybe that’s for the best. I have to sort out this stuff with Snoke. I can’t let you get involved because I have no idea what’s going to happen. I can’t protect you.”

 

“Why are you talking like that?” Rey’s brows knit together. He refuses to look at her and she knows something is wrong.  

 

“When I take Snoke down, he has enough information to take me down with him. I aided in the blackmail and set up. I don’t know what will happen to me.”

 

The tears finally break through her defences. This was not happening. She was not losing him again. It was in that moment she realises that despite everything that he has done, she forgives him. She forgives him because he is no longer that person and he knows what he did was wrong and it is him who has to live with that pain. Every time he will look at her, he will be reminded of what he did. And to Rey, that is enough.

 

“Rey, this is right. This is how it’s meant to be. I did horrible things and I need to pay for them.”

 

“You can’t.” She begs him, hoping that he will change his mind.

 

“You’ll be okay. You have Poe and Finn and you’re strong. You’ll survive without me.”

 

“What about you?” Rey looks up at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand. He sighs deeply and runs his fingers down her cheek. “…Ben?” He doesn’t respond and deep down Rey is terrified because there was a part of him that knew he may not return.  

 

 _Who are you?_ She wants ask. _Go away and leave me alone, I hate you_ , she wants to say. But all that comes out is "I’m scared."

 

“I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.” His dark eyes remain on her as though he is trying to remember every inch of her body. He raises his hand to touch her but pulls it back quickly, as though she burnt him, or like he was afraid to break her.

 

“I do love you.” She tells him and she means it. She will always mean it.

 

She closes the gap between them and he watches her wearily. She can’t tell if she leans onto her toes or if he bends down, because his lips come to rest on her forehead.

 

“I know.” Ben smiles sadly and places a kiss on her hairline. He lingers for a moment and Rey is sure that he is sobbing into her hair. When Rey finally opens her eyes, she realises that she is standing alone again in the dimmed hallway.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is meant to be a chapter of answers and I hope it was. It's getting close to the end now. Thanks to everyone who has continued to support me. I love you guys xx
> 
> I had to use the fanon benjamin chewbacca solo. I regret nothing 
> 
> ch title: somethings gotta give- camila cabello
> 
> come say hi on tumblr- aldeeraan


	19. Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke knows about Rey and Kylo makes a tough choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer than expected. I had a writer's block. I always knew exactly where I wanted it to go, I just couldn't string words together to make the plot move. But finally I finished this chapter and am posting it minutes after finishing it.  
> Thank you to everyone that commented on the last chapter, it had the impact that I wanted it to. I was worried originally people would be upset with the reveal that Ben had had a part in Rey being in the foster system. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: There are mentions of abuse in this chapter between Snoke and Kylo. The whole first chunk up until the line break has mentions of it. Please feel free to skip this part, I will summarise the important parts in the end notes.

Kylo stands defiantly in front of the monster he would’ve once thought of as a father. Snoke’s haggard face showed his age, his malicious soul beared itself on his body.  His paper thin, white skin contrasted his black eyes, and his skeletal fingers curled around the arms of his chair as he observes Kylo before him.

 

Hux stands to the left of Snoke, his hands clasped in front of him. Kylo can tell by his face that he knows something that what destroy Kylo. In fact, it was most likely that he had told Snoke himself. Of course he would have, the dweeb was a snitch.

 

Snoke continues to watch Kylo, waiting for him to say something. _Master_ was his preferred title but Kylo hadn’t called him that in months. Kylo wasn’t his little bitch anymore. Kylo squints his eyes and pulls his chin up in a challenge. Snoke must receive the message and he speaks first.

 

“My young apprentice, I trust you know why I requested your presence so late.” Snoke purrs and Kylo immediately feels sick.

 

Was it the fact he was back in touch with his mother, that he had taken off weeks in total, he was dating one of his ‘subordinates’, or was it that he was planning on destroying the whole company? It was a guess as to which option it was but by the look on Hux’s face, he had damned good idea which one it was…Rey.

 

“The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all leaders live to see: raw, untamed power...and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. Now, I fear I was mistaken.” Snoke rises from his chair and limps towards Kylo.

 

“I've given everything I have to you, to the First Order.” Kylo blurts out, unconvincingly. He needs Snoke to believe that he still remains loyal to him. Snoke chuckles dryly in amusement and Kylo takes a step back instinctively. Snoke knows he is lying. Long fingers wrap around his upper arm and he tears himself from Snoke’s grip.

 

“Yes...there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.” Snoke says, his voice dripping in disgust.

 

Kylo’s eyes snap to Snokes, burning with rage. Rage not at what Snoke had said but of the fact that Kylo wishes he knew that before he hurt his father. Before hearing his father’s name caused him so much pain and guilt. “I destroyed Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn’t hesitate.” _And it destroyed me too._

 

“And look at you. The deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, seduced by a girl who should have been destroyed along with her grandfather. You failed!” Snoke howls at Kylo and twists to return to his chair.

 

Kylo feels the wrath ignite inside him at the mention of Rey. That monster was not allowed to speak of her, he was not worthy of even knowing someone who was so pure, so full of light.

 

“No.” Kylo grits, and the inferno inside was begging for release. He takes a step towards Snoke but Snoke anticipates it. Snoke turns quickly and the back of his hand connects with Kylo’s jaw.

 

“No?” Snoke demands and Kylo growls in response but he couldn’t hide the shock in his eyes. 

 

“What? You think I didn’t know about your little whore? I know everything about you, young Solo.” Snoke snickers and the shock freezes Kylo momentarily. His _what?_

 

The shock disappears and is replaced immediately with anger. “Don’t you touch her.”

 

“I can’t make any promises. She has become a distraction. You know what we do distractions, Kylo Ren. I shouldn’t have to remind about that.” Snoke states, making no effort to hide the disdain in his voice. It was a threat; he knew it was a threat.

 

“Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with you.” Kylo yells but his voice is pleading now. He has no idea what else to do. He knows the things that Snoke is capable of and murder is definitely one of them.

 

“No. No you involved her in this when you decided to let your weaknesses control you. She has made you weak.” Snoke mocks him, like he always had. Being called weak by Snoke was not an unusual occurrence. He was told constantly that he had too much compassion, that he was no better than his uncle. It used to hurt in the beginning, Kylo wanted to be in no way associated with his family, especially his uncle but now he knows he is a lot like them. As much he tried not to be, he was bathed in the light by his mother, his uncle, even his father, and now Rey. Rey, the woman who made him want to be someone else.  

 

“You’re wrong. She made me strong.” Kylo bites back and Snoke sniggers.

 

“You think she changed you? She led you to ruin.” Snoke’s eyes sparkle with feral amusement.

 

“She never changed me. This is always who I was...” Kylo says defiantly. She only brought out who he truly was. He hesitates before saying the name he had tried to bury all those years ago, “…Ben Solo.”

 

“Once she founds out who you truly are, she’ll always hate you.” _She already does_.

 

“Then so be it.” Kylo says calmly.

 

Too bad Rey already knew everything and despite that, she still loved him. Would she ever forgive him? Probably not. Would she ever let him back in? Most likely never. But Kylo didn’t care because after all this time of feeling nothing other than hatred for himself and everyone around him, he finally felt something. He finally understood what it was like to love and to be loved unconditionally. These past few months with Rey have been enough. He wanted to live again.

 

“You really think you love this bitch?” Snoke hisses.

 

“No, I don’t think…I know.” Kylo says and his gaze flicks to Hux who appears to be pleased. Most likely by the fact that he just witnessed the downfall of the mighty Kylo Ren after all these years of trying to be Snoke’s number one pet. And now he could finally be it. Kylo found it sad really, living to please others.

 

Kylo gave Snoke a final look before he turns his back and storms out of the office, each person knowing that he will never be returning.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey sits on the couch in her apartment, still shaking after her conversation with Kyl- Ben. She still doesn’t know what to call him. She’s more confused than ever, mainly because she was in love with the man who had ultimately ruined her life. Not that he directly did anything but he knew about what Snoke was doing and he did nothing to stop it. He knew who she was, he loved her and he still let it happen.

 

But when she looks into his eyes, all she can see is Ben Solo, the boy who was her best friend. The boy who was always there for her, and the man who understood her like no one else could. He is the love of her life. If someone had asked Rey a few months ago whether she believed in having another half, she would’ve laughed in your face. True love was a thing in fairy tales, not real life but she looks at Ben and she thinks maybe it does exist.

 

Finn and Poe don’t even have time to put their bags down before Rey asks the question.

“Did you know who he was?” Poe and Finn look at each other and then back to Rey.

 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Finn frowns and moves to sit down next to her. Poe follows in toe and sits on the coffee table directly in front of her.

 

“Kylo Ren’s real name. Did you know it?” Rey questions Finn mainly.

 

“Yes.” Poe says quickly and Finn and Rey’s heads snap to him. Poe’s face is stony after his confession- ‘cop face’ as Finn would call it.

 

“And did you know Senator Organa is his mother?” Rey adds on.

 

“Whoa wait. He’s Leia’s son?” Finn asks, slightly confused but with a hint of excitement.

 

“Ben Solo.” Poe adds. Finn raises his eyebrows and Rey is suddenly aware that Finn had no idea who he really was either.

 

“You didn’t think to tell me that Poe?” Finn asks accusingly and he looks genuinely hurt that Poe had kept this from him.

 

“No, I didn’t think it mattered. He’s not Ben anymore.” Poe shrugs and Rey catches something in his tone and the way he just worded that. _He’s not Ben anymore_. It sounds like he knew Ben personally, like just saying the name hurts him.

 

“Do you know him? Besides just working with him?” Rey asks Poe.

 

“We were friends in High School. Both our mothers were senators.” Poe says quickly and Rey knows there’s more to the story. She gets the feeling that they were best friends and they had had a big falling out. There was still bitterness between them. Rey could hear it in the way Ben talked about Poe.

 

Rey pauses. If they knew each other a long time ago, and Rey hadn’t met Poe until recently, that means the two met when Rey was living in England.

 

“He never mentioned me?” A hint of hope lines her question. Hope that he spoke of her to others, that she meant as much to him as he did to her.

 

“No. Why would he?” Poe says in confusion and Rey’s face falls. Of course he hadn’t _. Let the past die._

 

Rey stares at the wall and whispers, “It’s Ben. The Ben. My Ben.” She knows Finn would understand but Poe just looks at her blankly.

 

“Wait?!” Finn half yells and grabs her arm.

 

“Yeah.” Rey breathes out. She is still struggling to understand it herself.

 

“He was always real. I never made him up. I thought I was crazy. He was always real.” She whispers in disbelief as she processes her words. For years she thought she was crazy. She kept dreaming of this boy, over the years he began to become more distorted. Now she knows it was because she was slowly forgetting Ben’s face.

 

Rey watches Poe’s face change from confusion, to thought, and finally realisation.

 

“Wait, you’re her. You’re his little sister? His best friend? The one he lost?” Poe gently grabs her chin to look into her eyes as though he was going to get the answers from her face. As though he was trying to see the young Rey.

 

“I guess so.” Rey says with a shrug but she can’t help but feel relief. He had talked about her. Despite him being so adamant on killing the past, he couldn’t shake her.

 

“Holy shit.” Poe’s eyes are wide. “He never told me your name. He didn’t want to talk about it. He thought he lost you forever but you’re back. No wonder he’s been a mess for the last few months. This is some next level destiny shit right here. You guys are like fucking soul mates.” Poe shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“Yeah well if the universe wanted us to be together, why is it making it so fucking hard?” Rey curses, the universe maybe, and if there is a god, she’s talking to him too.

 

Poe sighs as though he’s about to reveal some unwanted truth to her. “It’s not the universe keeping you two apart, it’s you guys. You two get pulled apart twenty years ago. Live your lives on opposite sides of the world and you come home to the same place. You don’t see each other in the same city for what five years? And then you get a job in the same law firm? Honey, the universe is screaming for you two to be together.”

 

Rey stares at Poe for what feels like a lifetime too long and gasps. He was right. Ben Solo was her soul mate…her other half.

 

* * *

 

The morning sun begins to creep into Kylo’s apartment as he scans the last document in front of him. His red pen scratches one final notation and it’s done. He stares at the pile of papers and photographs in front of him. This is it, this is everything he needs to take down Snoke.

 

He picks up his phone and dials Leia’s number.

 

“Ben.” His mother’s nasally voice echoes through the speaker.

 

“It’s time. Meet me at the station at 7.” He responds quickly before he chickens out.

 

“Oh, honey.” She says sadly. She knows what it means. He’s going to prison today.

 

 

Kylo stands under the shower, letting the warm pellets bounce off of his body as he hangs his head. Deep down he knew this day was going to come, he just hadn’t imagined he was going to be the one to hand himself in. But it needs to be done today. Rey is in danger and he can’t protect her any other way. He reaches out of the shower to check his phone. 6:13 am.

 

Staring at his reflection in the mirror he runs the razor over his five o’clock shadow. His mind wanders to imagining what he will look like in a few weeks. Will he have a beard? A few bruises? Will he even survive in prison for that long?

 

He slides on his best suit and blue tie. They always say blue makes you appear more trustworthy, though that might not be enough for Kylo. He finds himself searching for the picture of Rey that he had taken in bed yesterday morning….

 

_Rey lays on her stomach in Kylo’s bed, rugged up in his oversized tee, her head facing towards him. He knows she’s been awake for a while. The morning sun is highlighting the freckles across her nose._

_“You’re so beautiful.” Kylo hums as he runs his fingertips over Rey’s forearms._

_“Stop it.” She says playfully with a smile on her face and her eyes still closed._

_“What? You are.” Kylo says seriously. Rey peeks at him through slitted eyes and scoots closer to him. His arms wrap around her frame and pull her into his chest._

_“Kylo?” Rey asks._

_“Hmm?” He mumbles into her hair._

_“Can we stay like this forever?” She asks again, same as last night. Kylo’s heart squeezes. He wishes they could, he wishes he could give that to her but there were so many other things going on right now. Things that are so much bigger than the two of them._

_“I wish.” He pines. He imagines a life like this with her. Waking up every morning with her and then a little Rey jumping on them in the early hours of the morning. He wants two of them, a boy and a girl. Each with a little piece of her and him in them. Her eyes, his hair, and her compassion. Kylo feels the tears begin to build in his eyes. He shifts away from her, reaching for his phone._

_“What are you doing?” Rey groans as he points the camera towards her._

_“I want to remember this moment forever.” He says simply._

_“No, don’t. I look awful.” Rey giggles and Kylo snaps the photo at that exact moment. Rey grabs his arm to pull the phone towards her to get a look at his photography skills. She must have been quite pleased with the result because she didn’t tell him to delete it._

_“What did I just say? You’re beautiful. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” He plants a tender kiss on the tip of her nose._

_“I could say the same thing.” She beams._

Thinking back at it now, it was like Kylo knew this day was coming sooner rather than later. That’s why he took that photo. He couldn’t go to prison knowing that he didn’t have a single photo of her. He taps print and grabs the picture from his printer. He smiles sadly and traces the freckles on her nose with his index finger before he folds it up and places it in his wallet.

 

6:48am, his phone reads. He gathers up the binder full of incriminating evidence and shoves his phone in his back pocket. He takes one final look at his apartment before he slams the door.

 

The drive to the station is excruciating, he knows exactly what is going to happen. He knows the routine and yet he can’t help but feel terrified. He begins to tremble as he pulls into a spot directly across the road from the building. His mother is already there and a figure stands beside her. As Kylo looks closer, he recognises him immediately. It’s Luke. He knows what Luke is doing here. Even a lawyer needs a lawyer when they are about to be sent to prison.    

 

Ben slips his phone from his pocket and scrolls through his contacts. There is only one person he wants to talk to right now. Seeing her name, he takes a deep breath and hits call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of first section:  
> Snoke calls Kylo into his office, hux is there looking like a smug bastard. Snoke informs Kylo that he knows about Rey and him (most likely Hux told him). He also hints at knowing about Kylo trying to take him down. Snoke threatens to kill Rey as she is a distraction. Kylo basically tells him to go to hell. Kylo regrets hurting Han and the rest of his family. He finally accepts that he is a good person and tells snoke that Kylo Ren is not his name, it's Ben Solo.
> 
> Chapter title: Lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid


	20. At least we can hold each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor turns up on Rey's doorstep to tell her about Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a quick and short update. It'll make sense when you read the next chapter as to why this one is so short. We're getting to the end now. Probably only two more chapters after this one.

Rey is woken by a soft rapt on her front door. She groans and twists to face the alarm clock on her side table. It was just after eleven. Shit, she was beyond late for work. There’s no point in going in now. Rey hadn’t fallen asleep until the early hours of the morning. She tossed and turned, trying to figure out how she felt about this whole situation and came to no conclusion.

 

The second knock was louder, more urgent. Rey decides that whoever was at the door, was desperate. Rolling out of bed, she glances at herself in the mirror. She is still in yesterday’s clothes; fatigue clear on her features. She shuffles down the hallway, yelling that she’s coming. When she finally reaches the door, she flings it open to find the familiar petite outline of Leia Organa standing before her.

 

“Leia?” Rey stares at the woman in front of her.

 

Leia Organa was the last person she had expected to see at her door. It was only then that Rey really took in Leia’s appearance. If Rey hadn’t known her personally, she would’ve looked radiant, shining even but there was something off about her. She looks tired, her mascara is slightly smudged, and her eyes harbour a redness to them. Rey takes a cautious step towards her and pokes her head out the door, expecting to see Ben with her. The fact that he wasn’t there can only mean that she was here in regards to him.

 

“What’s wrong? Where’s Ben?” Rey questions, panic beginning to latch onto her words.

 

“Oh, sweetie.” Leia breathes out and her face falls. Something was wrong, so very wrong.

 

“What? Where is he?” Her fear causes her voice to crack. Every possibility flies through her head, she can’t stop them. Of course she stops on the worst one- he’s dead. Oh god, please don’t be dead.

 

“He has been arrested.” Rey freezes instantly. Something washes over her, was it relief? No, not really but prison was a lot better than the other option. She knew this day was coming, he had pretty much straight out told her yesterday. She never fathomed that it would be the next day. She had expected him to warn her. To say goodbye at least.

 

Maybe he had though. Her eyes widen and she runs into her room, leaving Leia standing in the doorway. She switches on her phone, shuffling her feet nervously while she waits for the screen to load. Panic drowns her as the notifications begin to pop up. There had to be at least a dozen missed calls. Some from Leia, some from Finn, and one from Ben. And one, one from an unknown number- Rey could only guess that was Ben calling from the station.

 

Rey feels a hand come to rest on her shoulder. The touch calms her slightly, causing her to drop her head in overwhelming sorrow.

 

“No. No. This isn’t happening. Not again. How long?” Rey begs Leia.

 

“He got charged as an accessory in the framing of your grandfather. He made a deal when he turned himself and the company in. I was also able to pull a few strings. He’s got eight months, five if he behaves.” Leia explains sadly. Her tone causes Rey to turn and face her. That’s when Rey notices that she too was crying.

 

It’s only five months, that isn’t that long but for some reason it feels as though he has been taken away from her forever. Rey has seen what prison does to people and she can’t help but fear that Ben Solo may not walk out of those gates when the time comes. What you have to do to survive in there, may mean sacrificing whatever fragile piece of him is left.

 

But then she remembers why he is in there, what it was that he had done. He had destroyed her family, taken the only person in her life away from her.

 

“Leia, why do I feel like this? I should hate him for what he did but I can’t.” Rey hopes that Leia understands what she is trying to say because she can’t even understand it herself.

 

She should hate him; she should want him to rot in that cell. No, it was Snoke not him. Snoke had a hold over him, one that she could never truly understand because it had never happened to her. But she promised that she would try and she did once she saw what Snoke was capable of. If it had taken Ben sending himself to prison to pry his claws from him, that power that Snoke held over him had to have been extreme. Whatever Ben had done in the past is just that, in the past.

 

Leia smiles knowingly. “He’s like his father. After all those years of him walking out and disappearing for months at time, all the dodgy stuff Han got caught up in. I still loved him…I still do. Once you fall in love like you and Ben have, I don’t think you can ever really fall out of it.” Leia appears to be thinking about Han as Rey digests her words.

 

“But it’s so wrong.” Rey shakes her head.

 

“Is it, Rey? Does it feel wrong or are you telling yourself that it is?” Leia takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. She pulls her gaze to Leia’s and she can see Ben’s eyes. It causes her heart to lurch.

 

“No, you’re right.” Rey finally admits to herself. It wasn’t wrong. This connection that they have is undeniable. This connection was formed decades ago and has endured them being separated for years. They can survive this.

 

“Can I see him?” Rey asks.

 

“In time. It’s still too soon. He hasn’t got visiting privileges yet but I’m sure he’ll call as soon as he can.” Leia explains and Rey thinks back to the missed call on her phone. He had already tried to call her. He has those privileges and Leia isn’t aware of them yet, which means that Ben has only tried to ring her.

 

“Thank you, Leia.” Rey pulls Leia into a hug. The tiny woman is completely engulfed by her arms.

“You’re welcome.” Leia whispers while patting her hair tenderly. The motherly gesture causes Rey to sob slightly. The two women remain in each other’s arms for moments, finding solace in one another. Leia breaks the hug first to inform her that she will boil the kettle for a cup of tea. Rey nods in agreement, telling her that she’ll be out in a minute.

 

Rey clutches her phone in her hand and falls onto her bed. She scrolls through her messages slowly. Each one from Finn told her to call him. She scrolls further to see five missed calls from Leia. Her finger freezes above the notification from Ben, a voicemail had been left. It had been received at 7am. Taking a deep breath, she hits play, and brings the phone to her ear.

 

“Hi sweetheart, it’s me. I’m calling from outside the police station and I’m freaking out. I confronted Snoke and it’s time to turn him in and that means me too. It’s better for me to come clean rather than them finding out later. Mom said she can pull some strings and Poe said he will do his best to get me some kind of deal. I’m going to miss you. I don’t know how long it will be until I can see you again. Hell, you probably won’t want to see me again. I guess maybe it’s better that you didn’t answer this call, this way it will be easier for me to say goodbye. I sometimes think of the life we could have had if things were different, a life where we could’ve reunited before all of this bullshit, before I gave my life away to Snoke. What would’ve happened if you had stayed in Seattle as a child, or if I had just called you when I had the chance. Maybe I wouldn’t be the monster I am today. But things aren't different, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve tricked you into loving me. I don’t know if you hate me now, in some ways I hope you do because it’ll be easier that way. I do know one thing though, I love you Re-” The message beeps and cuts out causing Rey to tremble. No, wait, there had to be more. She wanted there to be more.

 

“No! No, I do love you, you fool. You idiot, I’ll always love you.” She screams into the phone but she knows that he can’t hear her. She just wishes that she had picked up the damn phone when it rang. She wishes that she could’ve told him that she could never hate him, that it was going to be okay, that she would wait for him not matter how long it took. That she loves him too.

 

She listens to the message two more times before she presses save. Wiping the tears roughly from her eyes, she rises from the bed and shuffles back into the kitchen. She finds Leia sitting on the couch with two mugs on the table. Leia looks up at her and her face immediately softens. She puts her arms out in front of her, indicating for Rey to come and join her. Rey bites her lip and slides onto the cushion beside her. Leia hands the mug to her, taking the other for herself. She then wraps her free arm around Rey’s shoulders. Rey sighs and rests her cheek on Leia’s shoulder. She didn’t feel as safe as she did with Ben but this was pretty damn close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is finished and will be posted in the next couple of days. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has commented and left kudos xx


	21. If it didn't kill me, then I'm half alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey visits Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay this fic has turned out longer and more heartbreaking than I ever intended it to be. It was meant to be fluffy and light but look at it- it's 90% angst and heartache. I'm sorry.

It had been three days since Ben went to prison, and four days since Rey had been into work. How long would it take for the company to crumble? All those poor workers will lose their jobs, including Rose and Mitaka. She will too but she didn’t care, there’s always other options. Leia had mentioned something on the fly the other day. Something about working for another company that she had an ‘in’ with. To be truthful, Rey hadn’t really been listening, not that she didn’t respect what Leia had to say, she just couldn’t think about finding a new job at the moment.

 

Finn had offered to stay home with her each day but she told him to go to work and not worry about her. He had to keep working on Snoke’s case for the trial. They arrested him the same day as Ben, and his bail had been denied. Rey was thankful for this because with the ties that he had, who knows how easy it would be for him to fall off the face of the earth.

 

Ben wasn’t getting a trial; it was something to do with the deal. Rey didn’t really want to know how many strings were pulled and how many things went under the table to give him such a short sentence.

 

It had been four days since she had heard from him. She has lost count on how many times she has listened to his voicemail. Part of her feared that if she stopped listening to it, she would forget his voice. Thinking about it rationally, that was ridiculous. She’s not going to forget his voice within four days.

 

She sits on the couch, her hands wrapped around her coffee mug. She finds herself seeking comfort in the warmth of the porcelain. The familiar buzz of her phone pulls her from her reverie. An unknown number flashes across the screen and her heart skips a beat.

 

“You have an incoming call from King County Correctional Facility from inmate “Ben Solo”. Press 1 to accept-” Rey hits 1 before she even listens to the rest of the options. Just hearing Ben say his name causes her to hold her breath.

 

“Ben?” She whispers in disbelief.

 

“Hey.” His deep velvety voice echoes through the line. It sends shivers down her spine.

 

“Oh my god.” She lets out the breath she was holding.

 

“How are you?” He asks.

 

“How am I? Ben, I’m fine. You’re the one who is in prison.” She says quickly.

 

“There’s no need to remind me.” He chuckles dryly. He sounds tired already and Rey can’t help but feel worried for him.

 

She curses herself for saying something so stupid. “Right, sorry. I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too.” He admits and Rey clutches the phone closer to her ear.

 

“Can I come see you?” She asks, hopeful.

 

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.” He responds, his tone unsure.

 

Rey knows what he is doing. He’s trying to protect her; he doesn’t want her to see him like this. She understands, she wouldn’t want him to see her like that either. Seeing the one you love in an orange jumpsuit, probably sporting a black eye is a reality check. Finally seeing him like that will mean it’s true, he’s a criminal.

 

“I can handle it, okay? I’m not some weak damsel who needs protecting from the world.” She bites, immediately regretting her outburst.

 

“Never said you were, sweetheart.” Rey knows that he is smirking on the other end. God, she misses that lopsided grin.

 

“Good. When can I come?”

 

“My visiting hours are between 9 and 11, tomorrow.” He says.

 

“I’ll be there.” She promises him. She makes a mental note to be there at 9. She was not delaying this any longer.

 

“I look forward to it.” He says, a little more chipper than he was before.

 

“I love you.” Rey blurts out. She needed to say, she needed him to hear it. She wanted to give him a reason to hold on. Little did she know, she was the reason he was still fighting.

 

“I know.” He responds smugly and the line cuts out. Rey rolls her eyes and finds herself smiling like an idiot.

 

\---------------

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Finn asks Rey for the third time this morning as she continues to get dressed. Rey looks at him in the reflection of her mirror.

 

“It’s fine, Leia’s sending a car to come pick me up.” She explains again, while waving her hairbrush for emphasis.

 

“I know you can get there but do you need someone there for support?” Finn presses, his eyebrow quirked up in question. She appreciates his support but sometimes she would wish he could understand that she doesn’t need to be babied.

 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She assures him but there was still doubt in the back of her mind. What if Ben wasn’t the man she remembers. What if prison had changed him already. What is they had chiselled away at him until only Kylo Ren remains.

 

Rey’s phone buzzes on her side table and she unlocks it to see a message from Leia.  

 

“The car’s here.” She tells Finn and shoves her phone into her handbag. She slips her shoes on and runs out her door.

 

“Call me when you’re home.” Finn yells after her.

 

“Worrywart.” Rey yells back and slams the front door.

 

The driver of the car meets her at the entry to her apartment complex.

 

“Good evening, Miss. Right this way.” The man motions for her to turn left and she is met suddenly by a white limousine. When Leia said car, she was expecting a car, not a limo. She had never been in one before. She smiles widely as the man opens the door for her.

 

Sitting directly across from her is Leia, her hair pulled back into a braid. Her grey trench coat looked like it cost more than Rey’s entire outfit. Rey’s attention was immediately pulled to another figure sitting slightly to the right of her. Her eyes widen when she realises who it is.

 

“Good morning, Rey. It’s good to see you again.” Rey’s tears her eyes back to Leia, still in shock. She hadn’t expected Leia to even be here, let alone with _The_ Luke Skywalker. “This is my brother Luke. He has been helping Ben.”

 

Right, of course he has. He was a lawyer and a world famous one too.

 

“Nice to meet you Rey. I’ve heard great things.” Luke smiles warmly at her and she blushes at his words. Has Leia being talking about her? How much does he know?

 

“Ah, you too.” Rey squeaks.

 

Luke Skywalker is sitting across from her. She feels like pinching herself. She knew that Luke was Leia’s brother but for some reason it had never occurred to her that meant he was Ben’s uncle. He was part of his family which she was inevitably going to meet him one day.

 

“We won’t come in with you, we just wanted to chat. I thought like this was the best time.” Leia explains.

 

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine. What’s up?” Rey asks nervously. Something about ‘chat’ doesn’t sit right with her.

 

“As you are aware, First Order will inevitably become bankrupt and be forced to shut down. Now this ultimately means jobs will be lost, including yours.” Leia says and Rey shifts uncomfortably in her seat. Of course she knows that will happen, she hadn’t really considered the thought of being unemployed so soon after graduating.

 

“I’ve thought about that.” She admits while she plays with the hem of her beige pencil skirt.

 

“Do you have any plans for when that day comes?” Leia questions.

 

“Ah, not really. It’s not really high on my priority list at the moment.” Rey bites her lip and looks out the window at the passing trees.

 

“Rey.” Luke speaks and Rey turns her head to face him. “I know we’ve only just met but Leia has told me a lot about you. About how you helped Ben discover Snoke’s offshore bank accounts. Ben also speaks very highly of you and it takes a lot to impress him. I think you would be a great asset for my firm.”

 

Rey’s eyes widen and her mouth drops open slightly. She was speechless, absolutely speechless. Work for Luke Skywalker in his firm? Her dream job? She was definitely dreaming.

 

“I would like to offer you a position at the Resistance, if you are willing to take it.” He adds on, for clarification, or perhaps to break the silence.

 

“Oh, wow. Uhm, okay. I just-” She stutters, trying to find the words to make a simple sentence. And then a thought creeps into her mind. “This isn’t just because I’m dating your nephew is it?” Luke looks taken aback, probably not expecting a question like that. He would’ve known about the two of them but his reaction most certainly indicates that’s not why he offered her the job.

 

“No, of course not. You have a raw talent, one that I’ve seen once before, in Ben actually.” He smiles to himself and it causes Rey to smile too. She feels a sense of relief wash over her that she won’t be left without a job, and struggling to pay rent. She can’t help but feel for the other employees who won’t have as much luck as her. Suddenly Rose and Mitaka come to mind and she instantly feels guilty.

 

“In that case I’d love to but it’s just I have a couple of friends, Rose and Mitaka. They’re both great receptionists and they don’t deserve to be jobless. Is there any chance they could come too?”  Rey holds her breath nervously, waiting for his response.

 

“I’m sure we can find a position for them.” Luke beams and she can no longer hide her excitement.

 

“Thank you, thank you.” She shrieks and grins widely at the twins.  

 

“You’re welcome.” Luke says.

 

“You deserve this, Rey. Please don’t ever feel like you don’t.” Leia tells her as she reaches for her hand. Rey nods once in understanding.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben sits nervously in his cell, staring intently at the large clock on the wall outside. Visiting hours had just started. Rey promised she would come today, he knew she would but that part of him which sometimes gets the better of him, is telling him that she won’t come. _She doesn’t want to see you, monster. She hates you_. Stop! _Why would she want to see you after what you did?_ SHUT UP!

 

“Solo. You have a visitor.” The guard speaks through the bars and Ben immediately jumps to his feet. The guard begins to unlock his cell and Ben puts his hands on his head as per protocol. The guard grabs his wrists and pulls them in front of him, cuffing them in the process. He shoves him roughly, indicating it was time to walk forward.

 

His eyes meet hers as soon as he enters the room. She is just as he remembers. Beautiful. He watches her hazel eyes brighten as he walks towards her. He slides into the chair across from her and her face falls. She must see the fresh black eye and cut lip. Injuries acquired from other inmates, word had gotten out that he was a lawyer. He hadn’t put any of them in here, not that that mattered to them.

 

She picks up the phone next to her and he does the same.

 

“Hey.” She says timidly into the speaker. It breaks him to speak to her like this, behind glass, and on a phone. She was there but at the same time she wasn’t.

 

“Hi.” He replies.

 

“How are you doing? What’s it like in there?” She asks.

 

“I’m okay. It’s tough, I’m not going to lie but I think I’ll make it.” Ben shrugs.

 

“Of course you’re going to make it and I’ll be right here when you do.” She places her palm flat on the glass. Ben stares at her hand and then meets her gaze again. He places his hand on the glass, mimicking her. The pane of glass separates them and Kylo yearns to feel the warmth of her touch. The chill and the reminder that Ben can’t feel her causes him to drop his hand. It hurt too much to be so close but be a world away.

 

Rey sighs and drops her gaze.

 

“I have to ask, why did Snoke do it?” Ben’s eyes widen even though he knew that she would eventually ask him this.

 

“Several of your Grandfather’s clients were victims of Snoke’s illegal activities- housing complexes which he burnt down for development, families who he scammed money from. Kenobi began to figure it out and was building a case against him. Snoke wanted to kill him but I wouldn’t let him. I told him there had to be another way.” Ben explains.

 

“You knew it was wrong and yet you stayed with him all this time.” Rey says but it wasn’t a question, she was trying to understand.

 

“You don’t understand, I was young and easily persuaded. I hated my parents, I hated who I was. My mom never had time for me, politics always came first. And dad was always out gambling and making deals with shady people. I was closer to my nanny than my own parents.” Ben feels his anger bubbling like it always did when he though about his childhood. He knows that he shouldn’t feel like this, his childhood wasn’t that bad. Compared to Rey, he had it easy but it still didn’t stop the complete and utter feeling of loneliness he experienced for thirty years.

 

“Snoke always had his eye on me because of who I was. Grandson of Anakin Skywalker- the infamous corrupt cop. Son of Leia Organa- Senator, and nephew of Luke Skywalker, the greatest human rights lawyer to have lived.”

 

“But I didn’t want to be known as that person, I wanted none of that. I wanted my own path and Snoke promised to give me that. In the beginning I did have it but I realised that he was corrupt, that he had made me monster.”

 

“It was too late. He already had too much on me. I couldn’t leave so I turned to my mother who already had her suspicions about the company. She went to Luke for legal advice and he did what he could despite his reservations to help me. That’s when Finn and Poe got involved and we worked together for over year until we had enough evidence to send him away for good.”

 

“And then you walked back into my life just before I was planning to turn myself in. And I hesitated because I finally had something to live for. I knew then that I had to find a way to take him down without losing you forever. Without thinking that I had already done that myself- fifteen years ago.”

 

“You haven’t lost me, you never did. You were always with me through everything. When I was thrown from foster home to foster home, you keep me going. When I graduated and finally achieved what I always wanted to do, I felt like someone was missing. At first I thought it was grandpa but then I realised it was the boy who I would dream about every night.” Rey attempts to reassure him.

 

“Don’t you understand? You shouldn’t have gone through that. You should’ve had a normal life. You didn’t deserve the awful life that you had. It was my fault.” That guilt simmers within him again. The feeling that he has tricked her into loving him, that he has somehow taken advantage of her vulnerabilities. She shouldn’t love him. He isn’t deserving of her love but still she gives it to him.

 

She deserves to be happy and he isn’t giving that to her. He’s in prison for fuck’s sake. He’s here because he ruined her life. And instead of her being here to yell at him, she’s telling him that she loves him? How fucked up is that?

 

“Yes it was but _I forgive you_.” She emphasises the last three words as though saying it would make him believe it. His heart breaks, she forgives him. Whatever happens it the future, he can live knowing that she forgave him. And that’s why he has to do what is about to say.

 

“Rey, I don’t think you should come here anymore.” He informs her. She shouldn’t spend her life coming to visit her criminal boyfriend in prison.

 

“What do you mean?” Rey cocks her head to the side in question.

 

“I don’t want to you to have to see me like this.” He wants to say I don’t love you. I hate you. Anything to keep her away from him but he can’t say it. It’s a lie and those words could never come out of his mouth.

 

“No.” She says.

 

“Rey.” He tries to explain but she cuts him off.

 

“You can’t tell me what to do.” She raises her voice in panic.

 

“It’s for the best.”

 

“For who? You? It’s certainly not for me. I can’t go five months without seeing you. I won’t survive.” The tears begin to well in her eyes and Ben knows she fighting them.

 

“You can. You will. We’ve done it before.” He whispers and he almost believes it.

 

“No, Ben. I won’t do it.” Ben watches her bottom lip quiver and his heart shatters. He can’t do this to her, not again. She doesn’t deserve everything that he has put her through.

 

“Okay. Okay fine. Just promise me one thing.”

 

“Anything.” She says quickly.

 

“Promise me that you’ll continue to live your life.” Rey nods. “That includes moving on from me if need be.” He explains.

 

“Ben, I’m not-” She begins to say, her eyes wide in panic.

 

“Just promise me.” Ben’s voice finally cracks and he has to bite his lip to stop it from trembling.

 

She deserves to live her life, not sitting around waiting for him to be free. She needs to go out, have fun with her friends, and do everything she ever wanted. She deserves to be happy, and if that means falling in love with someone else, then so be it. Ben knows now that being in love with someone means you can’t be selfish with them. You have to let them be free to be who they want to be, even if that means without you.

 

“Okay.” She finally says. Her tears had left trails on her cheeks. The droplet sits on her chin, ready to drop at any moment.

 

“I love you.” Ben murmurs into the phone and Rey sobs quietly. 

 

She looks at him one final time before she hangs up the phone and rises from her chair. She doesn’t look back to see that fresh tears have stained his cheeks as well.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Leia's Coat](https://item1.tradesy.com/images/burberry-london-gray-skirted-trench-coat-size-4-s-22837420-4-0.jpg?width=720&height=960)
> 
> [Rey's outfit](url)
> 
> There will be a time jump in the next chapter because writing about them separated is boring and I have no idea how the prison system works lol.


	22. Please don't think that I let you go, I'll never let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is released from prison but Rey is not where she wants to be
> 
> chapter title: Anyone else by PVRIS

**Five months later…**

It had been five months exactly since Leia turned up at her door to tell her that Ben had been arrested. It had been five months since one of the worst days of her life. She had visited Ben at the same time every week without fail. He called the same time twice a week. Sometimes their conversations would be short, just telling each other that they loved one another. Their other conversations went for over an hour, racking up a hefty bill for Rey but she didn’t mind. It was worth it to hear his voice. They would also often send long letters to each other, and Rey kept every single one in a box in her room. She found herself reading them early in the morning when she struggled to find sleep. When she would toss and turn and feel familiar coldness of loneliness of an empty bed.

 

Rey had settled in well to her new job with Luke. Rose and Mitaka followed her in toe and Mitaka is far more relaxed than when he was working for Snoke. First Order officially shut its doors last week, leaving hundreds without a job.

 

Snoke’s trial begins in a week and Poe assures her that he will certainly spend the rest of his life in jail. Not that he had much of one left anyway. Hux is also on the chopping board. It turns out he had done a lot more of Snoke’s dirty work than anyone had originally thought. Some of the scams had actually been his doing and Snoke was not even aware of them. Like Rose had said on the first day, Hux was loyal to Snoke until the end. Phasma on the other hand had a very minimal role within Snoke’s cons. She mainly worked on her own cases during her time in the firm. Poe predicts that she may have to serve a few months or may get off lightly with community service.

 

Rey absolutely loves her new job. She finds herself working with children and families in need, mostly refugees and orphans cheated by the corrupt government systems. She is head paralegal now, meaning she has a large workload. In some ways it was a blessing as it kept her busy and away from worrying about Ben. Holding such a high position also meant that she has to travel a lot for cases.

 

Like today, she stands in LAX airport, staring at the boards above her. Every flight has been delayed due to storms. Staring at her watch, it reads 1pm. Ben is meant to released this afternoon. She never wanted to go on this business trip but Luke had promised her that she would be home in time to meet Ben at the gates. And she would have been if it weren’t for this damn storm. She checks the weather forecast again, no change, which means she’s going to be stuck for a while. She gives up and collapses in a chair beside an older woman. The woman smiles warmly at her and Rey returns the gesture. She pulls out her phone and sends a message to Leia.

 

**-Rey | 1304-**

 

_Still stuck in the airport. Won’t be on a plane for at least another hour. Any word from Ben?_

****

**_-_ ** **Leia | 1309-**

****

_Nothing yet. Luke is still in there with him. Last I heard, they were finalizing papers_

**-Rey | 1310-**

_Thanks Leia. Let me know if you hear anything._

**-Leia | 1317-**

_Of course x_

Rey sighs and holds her phone against her chest. She prays for a miracle as she closes her eyes. Thirty minutes later and still with no announcements, Rey resorts to people watching. A family of three sits directly across from her, a toddler sits on his father’s lap while the mother plays peek-a-boo with him. Rey grins as the boy lets out an infectious belly giggle. Her eyes flick slightly to the left to see a young woman, no older than sixteen sitting by herself, her headphones in. She appeared to be reading something intense Rey guessed by the scowl on her face. 

 

The sound of the loud speaker being turned on causes Rey to tear her gaze away.

 

“Attention, attention. The flight PQ324 bound for Seattle has been rescheduled for a 1430 take off. Gates are now open for boarding.” A woman speaks and Rey immediately jumps up to look at the closest board. That is her flight, she’s going home. Gathering all her belongings, she smiles at the older woman and runs off down the aisle.

 

Rey boards the plane quickly to see that it was almost empty, clearly the rest of the plane wasn’t as eager as she was. She chucks her bag into the overhead locker and slips into her seat by the window. She places her earphones in and sends a message to Leia.

 

**-Rey | 1402-**

_just got on the plane. I will be home shortly._

 

“Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain. I would like to apologise for the delay but there is not much we can do about the weather. Please listen to the cabin crew for the following announcements.”

 

Rey removes her earphones but zones out when listening to the air hostess explain about the emergency exits. She feels a little guilty but she knows the spiel so well, she could probably get up there and say it herself. She checks her phone one last time before turning it off and a message from Leia comes through just as she is about to switch it to airplane mode.

 

 

**-Leia | 1423-**

 

_Okay sweetie. I’ll see you soon_

She smiles and leans back into her seat.

 

Rey spends most of the flight reading and staring out of the window, not that she could see anything. Her nerves were beginning to take a hold of her. It was twenty minutes until they land and she has no idea if Ben is out yet and there is no way of knowing until she lands. She taps anxiously on her tray table and hums silently along to her music.

 

“Attention passengers we are beginning our descent into Seattle, please listen to the Cabin crew.”

 

Rey immediately gazes out the window to see land beneath them and something washes over her. Is it fear? Relief? She cannot place it. She closes the shade and shuts her eyes. She has always hated landing. She counts back from one hundred at least five times, she has lost count. The feeling of the wheels hitting the tarmac come not long after and Rey opens her eyes. It takes her a moment to adjust to the light before she reaches for her phone. She switches airplane mode off immediately and watches in baited breath for any messages to come through. Her heart drops when she sees the message from Leia.

 

**-Leia | 1450-**

 

_He’s out._

_And he’s okay._

_He’s okay._

He’s out, he’s free, and according to Leia he is okay. Rey lets out a shaky breath. She is relieved that he finally free but the guilt is eating away at the pit of her stomach. She should have been there for him. She can’t control the feeling of overwhelming disappointment as she realises how long it’s been since Leia sent that message.

 

Rey grabs her carry on luggage and pushes off the plane with little concern for others. She feels bad but she just needs to get out of there before she combusts. Luckily this trip was only two days so she only packed a carry on bag. She practically runs through the airport towards the taxi bay.

 

She dials Leia’s number as soon as she sits in the back of the taxi. Leia picks up after two rings.

 

“Rey!” Leia says excitedly.

 

“Leia. How is he?” Rey asks.

 

“He’s fine. He’s perfect and he’s home.” Rey can hear the relief in Leia’s voice. It immediately calms her.

 

“Good, good. I’m so glad to hear that.” She says with a hint of disappointment.

 

“He misses you.” Leia responds sadly. She must up have picked up on Rey’s distress.

 

“I miss him too. God, I feel so bad for not being there.” Rey sighs and she begins fiddling with the threads of her woollen cardigan.

 

“He understands. Just come home when you can.”

 

“I’m on my way now.” Rey promises. “Where are you?”

 

There’s a pause on the other end of the line and Rey swears she can hear his familiar husky voice echo in the background. “We’re at his apartment. Luke is also here. Poe said he will drop around soon.” Leia informs her.

 

“Okay. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. I’ll ring him now.” Rey says eagerly.

 

“See you soon.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Rey scrolls to his contact and contemplates whether his phone would even be charged. She decides to try anyway. The phone rings multiple times until it cuts out. She reaches his message bank and hangs up. It rang which means it was not switched off. She exhales deeply and looks out the window. She goes through every possibility of them seeing each other again before the taxi pulls into his street.  

 

Rey chucks the $100 bill at the driver and tells him to keep the change. She doesn’t even know how much the trip cost, but quite frankly she did not care.

 

Rey stops dead in front of the complex and cranes her head to look up at his apartment. The lights are on like they used to be. She closes her eyes and inhales the frosty air. It’s time. She pushes open the large glass doors and her eyes land on the receptionist. He knows her well now as she had been coming and going for the last five months. She told herself she was looking after Ben’s apartment but sometimes she just needed to curl up in his sheets. He nods at her as she walks into the elevator and hits the button to Ben’s floor. She still has his key card on her keys.

 

Rey looks at herself in the mirror and fixes up her hair and clothes before she exits the elevator doors. She stops in front of his door and bites her lip. She raises her hand and knocks once before opening the door. Her eyes instantly fall on Leia on the couch, who gives her a warm smile. But she’s not who she is looking for. Her eyes continue to scan the room to land on two figures in the dining room, slouched over a pile of documents.

 

She drops her bag onto the wooden floor and runs towards Ben and Luke. Ben looks up the moment she enters the room and his mouth drops open.

 

“Ben.” She whispers in disbelief. He is really there, finally there.

 

“Rey.” He says as he stands from the chair and strides around the table to get a better view of her. The two stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, neither knowing what to say or do.

 

Rey reacts first and runs towards him. Ben opens his arms just as she collides with his chest. His grip tightens on her and he lifts her up from the ground and twirls her around. Rey giggles and he loosens his grasp on her so that she slips back down onto the floor. He pulls her away from his body so that he can see her face.

 

Rey tilts her chin up so that she can look into his eyes. It’s him, it’s still him. Ben Solo is standing in front of her. All her fears about prison destroying him are washed away when she sees the lopsided grin stretched across his face. He runs his hand down her cheek and lets it rest just above her chin. Rey leans into his touch, her lips press against his palm.  

 

“You didn’t answer my call.” Rey murmurs against his hand.

 

“I didn’t want to talk to you for the first time over the phone. We have done enough of that in the past five months.” Ben brings his other hand up to cradle her face.

 

“You’re right.” Rey laughs and wraps her arms around him again.

 

The two stand in each others embrace, taking in their scents and remembering every detail of the other. Five months she had been without his touch, for five months she had felt empty. But now back in his warmth she feels home again.

 

* * *

 

 

A knock on the door causes Rey and Ben to look up from the couch. Ben gives Leia a look, indicating that he was not going to get up to answer it. Rey is curled up on his lap, her head buried in his chest. His arm hangs lazily over her torso and the other one is tracing patterns on her back.

 

Leia rolls her eyes slightly but smiles, and Ben knows that she is ecstatic about the two of them. Leia had been hounding him for grandchildren since he had turned eighteen. It was a concept that Ben couldn’t even fathom all those years ago and now he holds the love of his life in his arms. And he can’t help but imagine a life with her, with or without children- whatever she wanted. Ben didn’t care, as long as he had her.

 

Leia opens the door to reveal Poe standing with pizza in his arms. Finn follows him in shortly after, carrying beers and wine. Ben watches as Poe scans the apartment, a look of fascination on his face. His smirk widens when his eyes meet Ben’s and he notices Rey in his arms.

 

Rey shifts in his lap and places a kiss on his cheek before she gets up to greet the two men. Ben walks into the kitchen to grab some plates and glasses when he hears footsteps behind him.

 

“I must admit, I’m proud of you Solo.” Poe leans against the island with his arms crossed.

 

“Why’s that?” Ben raises an eyebrow.

 

“I thought you had gone down an unredeemable path, that you were gone forever. But what you did to take down Snoke was impressive. Rey also told me what you told her to do that first day she visited you prison.” Poe says.

 

Ben remembers back to their conversation that first morning.

 

_“Okay. Okay fine. Just promise me one thing.”_

_“Anything.” Rey says quickly._

_“Promise me that you’ll continue to live your life.” She nods. “That includes moving on from me if need be.”_

 

“It was nothing.” Ben says nonchalantly. That was a lie. It was the most painful thing he had ever had to say.

 

“No, Ben. That was everything. That was completely selfless. It was an act of unconditional love.” Poe walks over to Ben and places a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Thanks, Dameron. It means a lot.” Ben smiles. A roar of laughter erupts in the lounge room and Ben’s gaze falls on Finn and Rey. He looks back to Poe and notices that he continues to stare at Finn. “But enough about my love life. When are you going to jump Finn’s bones?” Ben asks as he slaps him playfully on the back.

 

“Dude!” Poe becomes flustered and Ben gives him a knowing look. “Okay, fine. We may have kissed the other day.”

 

“And?”

 

“I think I love him.” Poe admits and sheepishly looks at the ground.

 

“Well ask him out. Don’t give me some stupid no dating policy either. If you love him, request a new partner.” Ben says casually and strides across the kitchen to pull the plates from the top cabinet.

 

“You’re right.” Poe sighs.

 

“I always am. Can’t believe you forgot that.” Ben says smugly.

 

“Oh, fuck off.” Poe lets out a raspy chuckle.

 

Ben smirks and hands him a stack of plates. Poe still has a tinge of pink in his cheeks as the two men return to the rest of the party.

 

Ben’s eyes linger on Rey as she grabs a slice of pizza from the table, choosing to bypass the plates. If it was anyone else, Ben probably would have snapped but she could throw the pizza against his walls and he wouldn’t be able to get mad at her. Ben walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her torso. She immediately sinks into his embrace. He nuzzles into her neck and plants a single kiss on her neck.

 

“Do you want some?” Rey asks and holds the slice up to him.

 

“Sure.” He mumbles. His eyes remain locked on hers as he takes a bite. Something flashes across her face, too quick for him to recognise. But he doesn’t miss the gasp that falls from her lips and the way she squeezes her legs together.

 

“Get a room you two.” Poe says and the group breaks into laughter.

 

“Oh we will be.” Ben smirks and Finn groans loudly. Ben looks back down at Rey and she has turned herself into his chest, but he can still see the blush on her cheeks. He laughs and kisses her temple affectionately.

 

God he had missed this, her, even the two idiots in front of him. His eyes find Leia and Luke sitting together on the couch. He sends them a thankful look and his mother beams at him, while Luke nods in understanding. He was home finally, after all these years… with his _family_.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go... it's just smut and fluff because I owe you guys some.


	23. Love will set you free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut and fluff and the beginning of forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, the final chapter. I'm feeling a lot of things right now- relief, sadness, joy. I do know that I will miss writing this but I'm glad that I managed to finish it.
> 
> ch title: Stone by Jaymes Young

Luke and Leia were the first to leave and Finn and Poe followed soon after. Poe wiggled his eyebrows at the two of them as he left, managing to make Rey blush for the fifth time tonight.

 

Rey sighs in exhaustion and collapses onto Ben’s couch. He locks his front door and turns to face her. She watches him observe her through her fingers. He smiles at her tenderly and steps over to her, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. Ben sits beside her, wrapping the blanket around them both. Rey curls into his side, nuzzling her cheek into his chest. She takes in a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He smelt the same…like home.

 

Ben switches the TV on and lets the movie channel run. Neither of them are paying much attention anyway, both too wrapped up in each other. Rey fiddles with his hand, running her fingers over his knuckles. While Ben rubs patterns on her back, soothing her. No words were needed in this moment. Rey dozes off to Ben running his fingers through her hair.

 

When she wakes several hours later, the TV is still running and the lights are still on. She shifts and notices a warm body flush against hers. Her eyes adjust to the light to find that Ben is still asleep. His arm remains locked protectively around her and somehow her leg managed to find its way over his lap. She is almost straddling him with her legs and her arms wrapped around his torso tightly. Pulling her leg back slowly she tries to not wake him as she attempts to give him some space to breathe. She’s almost there when he begins to move beneath her. Her head flicks to his face but he’s still asleep. She bites her lip and begins to shuffle again when something stops her. A large palm engulfs her thigh, pinning her down.

 

“Where are you going?” He mumbles. Dammit, she wasn’t meant to wake him. Rey looks at him and notices his dark gaze on her.

 

“I wanted to give you some room.” She explains as she sits comfortably in his lap.

 

“That’s the last thing I want.” His voice is low and it sends shivers down her spine.

 

“Then what do you want?” Rey asks seductively, knowing full well what he was implying.

 

Ben doesn’t answer her but instead moves his hands to grip her hips tightly. Rey instinctively rolls her hips in response to his touch and he lets out a throaty groan. She leans in closer and closer until their lips are almost touching.

 

“I love you.” Ben whispers and his lips graze against hers as he speaks.

 

Rey runs her hands up his arms, tracing the outline of the muscles of his biceps. Which she notices had doubled in size since he had been in prison. She grips his neck and crushes her mouth against his. Finally, after five months she can taste him again. It’s desperate at first, like both of them are trying to breathe after all this time. But eventually Ben slows the kisses down, deepening them, causing them both to groan.

 

Not feeling close enough to him, Rey shifts her weight onto her knees, rocking against him. She can feel him hardening against her core with each thrust. Ben’s calloused hands travel up her black sleeved shirt to squeeze her breasts through her lacy bra. Their mouths continue to move in sync as her palms at her, causing the arousal in her to heighten.

 

Rey breaks the kiss to pull her top over head, revealing herself to Ben. His eyes wander over her body and his mouth drops open slightly. She smirks at him and rises from the couch. He goes to protest when she tugs him up after her. Rey wraps her hand in his and drags a dazed Ben Solo behind her.

 

When they reach his bedroom, Rey pushes him back onto the bed. He spreads his legs so that she can stand between them. He cranes his neck so that he can bring her lips to his. Rey begins to fumble with the zipper of his leather jacket as his hands grope her ass. He shimmies out of his shirt and jacket, tossing them across the room.

 

His hands move to unclasp her bra and it falls to the ground at her feet. His mouth leaves hers so that he can latch onto a nipple. Rey throws her head back as his tongue works between each of her pebbled nipples. He places a trail of kisses down her stomach until he reaches her jeans. He undoes the button and Rey pulls them down her legs and steps out of them, kicking them to the side. He licks and nips along her waistband and Rey clenches her thighs together, uncomfortably turned on. Ben’s fingers curl around the band and he looks up at her, his eyes asking for permission. She nods enthusiastically.

 

Ben grins and rips them down her legs in one quick movement. Fuck that was hot. He buries his face in her curls and finds her clit instantly. Rey bucks her hips in response to the stimulation.   

 

“Fuck, Ben.” She yelps as his tongue continues to lap her up. Her back arches and she is struggling to breathe.

 

“Tell me what you want.” He looks up at her, his eyes with full of hunger.

 

“I want your fingers.” She manages to choke out.

 

“What ever you need, baby.” He places a kiss on the sensitive spot just below her naval.

 

Ben hooks his arm underneath her knee and wraps his other arm around her back. Rey looks at him puzzled. In one swift motion he lifts her from the ground and rises from the bed. He twists and she is suddenly on her back on the edge of the bed. Rey looks at him now, like really looks at him. The muscles on his chest are well defined, his abs run tightly around his ribs. She swallows hard.

 

“Like something you see?” Ben smirks and wiggles his eyebrows.

 

Rey nods. “How did you get so ripped?”

 

“Not much to do in prison other than workout.” He chuckles.

 

“Thank fuck for that.” Rey hums in content.

 

“Are you just using me for my body, Miss. Niima?” Ben teases as he falls to his knees at the end of the bed.

 

“Among other things.” Rey jokes, earning a belly chuckle from Ben.

 

“I should really do something about that, shouldn’t I?” He coos while grabbing her legs and resting them on his shoulders.

 

She peers over at him, her eyes wide in anticipation. He runs a finger over her slick folds and growls. Her head drops back onto the bed when he slips a thick finger into her. When he realises how easily his finger moves in and out of her, he adds a second. His tongue makes circles around her clit, while his hand pumps rhythmically. Suddenly, he curls his fingers forward, hitting her g-spot and causing her hips to lift up but Ben continues to bury his head between her thighs.

 

Rey can feel her climax building, to the point where it is now painful. She rolls her hips trying to find the relief she needs. All it takes is one suck on her nub for her to come undone. She screams as her whole body trembles. Her hips jerk violently against Ben’s face but he continues to lick her through her waves.

 

She lays gasping for air and Ben climbs over her and places a chaste kiss on her lips. He begins to roll off her when she grabs his shoulders. His eyes lock on hers and she reaches up to crush her mouth against his. The frenzy begins again. Her hands roam wildly over his body, trying to touch him on every bit of exposed skin. He pushes his pelvis into her and she feels his rigid cock against her aching core.

 

Rey reaches for the button of his jeans and tugs at his zipper. Ben pushes himself up so that he removes his pants and boxers before chucking them over his shoulder. Rey admires his physique for a moment, letting her eyes trail down his body until they reach his rigid, throbbing member. Her hand grasps for him and she curls her fingers around the base. Ben jerks against her touch, digging his nails into the bed beside her head. She grips him tighter and begins to move her hand slowly up and down his shaft. He lefts out a shaky breath and closes his eyes, trying to keep his composure.

 

“Sweetheart, I’m so turned on for you right now that if you keep doing that I’m going to come in your hand.” He rasps. “And I don’t want that. I want to feel you come around me.” Rey groans at the thought of him filling her up.

 

However, Rey feels a pang of a disappointment that she can’t do this for him. She wanted nothing more than to taste him. She can do it later; after all, they have eternity now.

 

Ben rubs his head along her slippery lips before pushes inside her in one swift thrust. He looks at her in worry, making sure that she is okay. Rey rolls her hips, indicating that she is ready. Ben pulls out of her slowly before slamming back into her. Ben literally quivers above her when the head of his cock hits her cervix.

 

He drops his forehead against hers. His sweat mixing with her own. His movements are slow, delicate. Each motion is an attempt to savour her. This isn’t fucking, this is love making.

 

Rey arches her back into his thrusts and she feels as though he could tear her apart. They were both vulnerable like this, completely exposed to each other. All their walls are knocked down, everything from their pasts- destroyed. It’s just them, and their devotion to each other.

 

Ben nips behind her ear lobe- a place he knows causes her to moan with delight. His hand trails down her stomach and finds her clit. He rubs aggressively, causing her to tighten her legs around his hips. She was quickly reaching her peak, the desire to roll over the edge was overwhelming her senses. Ben knew she was close too. He pulls out of her and watches her carefully, leaving Rey whimpering at the loss of him inside her. He bites his lip and thrusts back into her. That’s all it takes.

 

She comes violently, causing her to dig her nails into his back- she’s quite certain she draws blood. Rey screams his name as her waves continue to flutter her walls, and causing her whole body to shake underneath him. His pace begins to turn punishing and erratic as he come closer to his release. With a final thrust and a guttural grunt, Ben empties himself into her, coming hard as her body continues to clench around him.

 

He brings his lips onto hers, giving her a long tender kiss. Both of their bodies still trembling from their orgasms. He remains inside her for a moment, not quiet ready to leave her. He kisses her forehead and slips out of her, collapsing on the bed beside her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey lays boneless on the bed, trying to catch her breath. Ben rests on his back next to her and intertwines his fingers with hers. She watches him play with her hand while they continue to recover.

 

Ben turns his head so that he can look at Rey. She faces him, her baby hairs stick to her forehead, and her cheeks are flushed. She looks adorable. He leans over and kisses the tip of her nose.

 

“I’m never letting you leave this bed.” Ben says playfully but part of him means it.

 

“That’s okay with me.” Rey giggles. “I have some of my stuff here anyway. I could survive a week at least.” Her eyes widen when she realises what she had said.

 

Ben freezes and gives her a questioning look. She had stayed in his bed? Her stuff was here? The thought of it made his heart giddy.

 

“I would stay here sometimes while you were gone. Does that bother you?” She asks timidly, refusing to meet his eyes.

 

“It bothers me that I wasn’t here with you.” He admits as he reaches up to cup her cheek.

 

 And then he asks her something that he wishes he could’ve months ago. “Keep your stuff here. In fact, why don’t you move all of your stuff here?”

 

Rey’s head snaps up, her mouth slightly agape.

 

“Ben Solo, did you just ask me to move in with you?” She questions.

 

“Yes?” He offers.

 

“Then yes, of course I will.” She says excitedly and crushes her lips against his. He laughs and wraps her into his chest. He rubs circles on her naked back while she clings to him.

 

Ben’s eyes wander over to his sock draw. Unknown to Rey, there sits his grandmother’s wedding ring, wrapped up in his underwear. His mother gave it to him this afternoon and told him that it belongs on Rey’s finger. Ben couldn’t agree more. He smiles at the thought of them sharing a last name, having a family, and growing old together. He was never going to lose her ever again. This is the beginning of their forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's all folks.  
> Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout the story. I remember every single person who has commented. Some of the things you guys said will always be in my heart.  
> Who knows, maybe I will write an epilogue in the future- if you guys even want that? Or are you sick of reading this haha
> 
>  
> 
> [Come say hi on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/aldeeraan)


	24. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut and happily ever after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it- the absolute final chapter of this fic.  
> I was unsure about even doing an epilogue but so many of you wanted one and I just had to.  
> Thank you for all those beautiful comments on the last chapter. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Pregnancy  
> \- I know I just spoiled the premise of this chapter but I feel like it needs to be tagged. It can be a very sensitive topic for some readers and I want to respect that.

Rey continues to ogle her fiancé from the corner of her office. Ben is frantically scribbling notes across a document on his desk. His raven curls cover his face and his muscles bulge against his tight shirt. He had forgone the tie today, instead wearing his top button undone and his sleeves rolled up. It exposes his strong forearms, his veins visible under the skin. Rey rubs her thighs together. Fuck. Why is she so horny lately?

 

Rey chastises herself, now is not the time. He is clearly busy and they are at work- in his uncle’s office. It is not going to happen. But maybe, just a quick…NO. But look at him.

 

She groans loudly and runs her hand down her face. The opportunity Luke had given them was a privilege, they can’t jeopardise what they’ve got just because she’s horny.

 

Luke had offered Ben a position as his personal assistant.  A PA who had his own office nowhere near Luke’s, who also worked on cases, and travelled on business meetings. Ben Solo was certainly not a secretary but legally that is his title. He lost his licence to practice law after he went to prison.

 

Ben accepted his new life in the beginning but he’s stubborn and eventually weaselled his way back into working cases. At first he would just offer advice, then he began to research for them, until now he sits with a file in front of him. It is a dangerous game he is playing but no one else knows what is truly going on besides Rey and Luke. And officially he is a personal assistant.

 

Rey turns her attention back to the paperwork in front of her, not that any of it was going in anyway. She chews on her pen and looks towards Ben again, and their eyes meet briefly before he smirks and looks away.

 

“Fuck it.” Rey breathes out. Giving up, she pushes up from her desk and saunters into his office.

 

He looks up before she makes her presence known. His gaze hardens and she bites her lip in thought, trying to think up a reason to be in there. _For fuck’s sake, Rey. He is your fiancé, not a stupid crush_. She internally screams at her awkwardness.

 

“What’s up?” He finally asks, quirking his eyebrow.

 

His pen is between his teeth. His lush pink lips sucking slightly. _Stop!_ She shakes her head and crosses one leg in front of the other. Ben cocks his head at her odd behaviour.

 

“How are you?” She blurts. Dammit.

 

“Good?” His eyes narrow suspiciously.

 

“Good. Good.” She responds and he smiles warmly. She returns the grin before she turns on her heel. “I should get back to work. Just wanted to see how you were doing.”

 

“Wait! Lock the door and close the blinds.” Ben demands lowly from across the room. Rey freezes in the doorway.

 

“Huh?” She says dumbfounded.

 

“Just do it.” He almost growls.

 

“Ben, what are you doing?” She questions. She looks out the window to make sure no one was coming before twisting the wand of the blinds and locking the door.

 

Ben is pushed up against her back before she even realises that he had left his desk. He snakes his arms around her torso and Rey sinks into his chest.

 

“I promised that I would fuck you on my desk and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.” He mumbles, his breath hot in her ear. He nibbles and sucks her ear lobe, causing her to moan.

 

His hand trails down until it slips into her underwear, and his finger runs up her slit. The sensation causes her to quiver.  His other hand moves to cup her breast, and he kneads it gently.

 

“You think I didn’t notice you staring at me all morning? Your cheeks all rosy and the way squeezed your legs together when you walked in here? I can almost smell your arousal, Rey.” He sucks gently on the pulse point of her neck. Rey rolls her head, allowing him better access.

 

Rey twists in his arms and crushes her lips against his. His tongue runs along her bottom lip, demanding entry, and she grants it to him. Her lips meet his movements in the same desperation, causing them to both groan. She jumps up and wraps her legs around his hips. His hands squeeze her ass, immediately steading her. He begins to walk them back to his desk, his lips still locked on hers.

 

Ben untangles her legs from his body and deposits her feet onto the floor. He gives her one last heated kiss before he flips her around. Her hands spread on the desk in attempt to sturdy herself. She grinds her ass into his crotch and she can feel his throbbing cock rubbing against her.

 

His tongue drags up and down her neck while his hand rubs circles around her bud. Growing impatient, Rey pulls her pencil skirt above her waist, and drops her panties to her ankles before kicking them off. The movement causes Ben to release an animalistic growl from his throat. He unbuckles his belt and slides his pants to his knees. He grabs his cock and rubs it between her legs.

 

“Fuck, Rey, you’re dripping.” He speaks through gritted teeth.

 

He grabs her, holding onto her upper arms, the fronts of her thighs are pushed up against the edge of the desk.  He thrusts into her from behind, hitting her cervix in one push. She screams and arches her back, the force causing Rey to fall to her forearms.

 

“Shhh.” He whispers in her ear. His hands cling to her hips now.

 

With each snap of his hips, he was hitting the perfect spot deep inside of her. His pace becomes desperate, animalistic. The desk scratches along the wooden floor with each of his thrusts. He pulls out from her unexpectedly and she cries out in protest. His hands clutch at her shoulders and he twists her to face him. He takes her bottom lip between his teeth and sucks.

 

Locking his hands under her thighs, he lifts her onto the desk. He sets himself between her legs and slides into her slowly, all the way to the hilt with deliberate slowness. Rey rolls her hips in time with his thrusts and her vision begins to blur as he drives her closer and closer to the edge. She whimpers, and her head falls forwards onto his shoulder as his thumb circles her sensitive clit. His other arm is wrapped around her back, keeping her upright.

 

“Come for me, baby.” He sighs in her ear, licking delicately at the shell. “I want to feel you fall apart in my hands.”

 

Keening backwards, her body arches in an almost unnatural way. One final thrust causes her walls to pulse and clench around him. His hand immediately comes to her mouth and muffles her scream, she can taste herself on his fingers.

 

Her orgasm triggers his and he continues to snap his hips as he shoots his warm, thick seed inside of her. He falls forward, and bites down on her clothed shoulder, swearing as he pulses one last time.

 

He rests his head in the crook of her neck and she pats his hair affectionately. He inhales deeply and places tender kisses up her neck, her jaw, and finally on her lips. He reluctantly slips out of her and pulls up his pants. He places another chaste kiss on her lips before stepping back.

 

His eyes drop down to her pussy, and she suddenly remembers that she hadn’t closed her legs yet. And then Ben does something that he had never done before. He reaches out and uses two fingers to push his spend back inside of her. Rey trembles- she can’t tell if it’s because she’s still sensitive or if she found it extremely hot. He blushes when he realises what he had done. She grabs a fistful of his shirt and tugs him into her and captures him in a passionate kiss.

 

 _Mine._ She chants.

 

The sound of Ben’s mobile ringing breaks the two apart. He looks at the screen and answers it immediately. Rey jumps up from the desk, adjusts her clothing and fixes her hair.

 

“Hi.” Ben says into the phone as he watches Rey intently.

 

He pauses, listening to whoever is speaking on the other end. He smiles and rolls his eyes.

 

“Yes, mom.” Ben groans and Rey grins when she realises it’s Leia.

 

“Of course she’s coming.” He responds and reaches out to her, resting his palm on her cheek.

 

“Love you.” He answers quickly hangs up.

 

Ben slips his phone back into his pocket and smiles down at Rey. She cranes her neck to look up at him. Rey quirks her eyebrow in question.

 

“We’re going over to my mother’s for dinner.” He answers her silent question as he tucks a curl behind her ear.

 

“Awesome!” Rey beams. She always loves to see Leia and her cooking is to die for.

 

\---------------------------

 

Rey sits on a bar stool watching Leia flitter around the kitchen, looking completely in her element. Rey offered to help but Leia told her to relax, she was a guest. Truthfully, Rey was thankful, she should not be let loose in a kitchen. It may not possibly still be standing when she was finished in there.

 

She looks around the corner to see Ben and Luke looking at something on the table in front of them. Some sort of case she assumes.

 

Leia places a large glass bowl on the counter in front of Rey and begins adding a mixture of ingredients. Rey watches as a selection of spices, and vegetables are thrown into the bowl. Leia opens a tray of some sort of meat and drops it into the bowl. The smells hits Rey and she gags. She looks away quickly before she vomits.

 

“Rey, are you okay?” Leia says with concern as she rushes around the counter to stand in front of her.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, the meat is just smells awful.” Rey explains, her hand clutches at her stomach as she tries to will away the urge to vomit.

 

Leia tilts her head and her eyes suddenly widen. She looks behind her towards the two men and then back to Rey.

 

“Oh my god. Rey are you?” Leia drifts off, her eyebrows risen.

 

“Am I what?” Rey looks at her confused and slightly panicked.

 

“Are you pregnant?” She whispers and looks back at Ben who isn’t paying attention. Not that he would be able to hear anyway.

 

“What?! No, I can’t be. I’m on the pill.” Rey shakes her head. Pregnant? There’s no way.

 

“Have you been taking them properly? Have you missed any?” Leia asks, her hand rests over hers.

 

“No.” Rey says quickly but then stops, stops to really think. The colour drains from her face. “Wait. Oh, shit. When I went away to California, my pack ran out and I forgot to pack more. It was stupid and I knew that we were meant to use, you know, because I wasn’t protected anymore. But when I got home I just missed him so much and we had uh, yeah…”

 

“Have you noticed anything else? Any cravings? Morning sickness?”

 

“I haven’t been sick or anything. Some cravings, I guess. But I’ve been, ah.” Rey stops herself, unsure of how to say it.

 

“You’ve been what?” Leia questions.

 

“I _want_ him… _all the time_.” Rey blushes. Oh god, she can’t believe she just told her that. She’s Ben’s mother. She does not need to know about their sex life and her libido.

 

Leia chuckles. “I was like that when I was pregnant with Ben. I couldn’t keep my hands off of Han.”

 

Rey smiles at her Leia but suddenly her face falls in thought.

 

“It’s not really my place. But are happy at the thought of it. Do you feel ready for this?” Leia asks softly. And for the first time it actually sinks in. She may be pregnant. She may be bringing a tiny human into this world. And the idea excites her.

 

“Yes. I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine not having this with Ben. I’m sacred that he’s not ready though. His life has changed so much over the past year.” She smiles sadly and Leia’s eyes soften.

 

“Oh, sweetie, he wants a future with you, no matter what that entails. You could have twenty cats and he would be happy. But something tells me he’s going to be over the moon. He’s always been fantastic with kids. I wanted him to be a teacher when he was younger.”

 

“I should tell him. No, I should take a test first.” Rey murmurs while watching Ben intensely. He has no idea. He is just sitting there, with no clue that he may possibly be a father. She smiles at the thought of him with their baby, it makes her heart melt.

 

“That would be wise. Don’t get his hopes up just yet.” Rey realises that includes her too. But she can’t help it. There may be a tiny Ben growing inside of her at this very moment. She could be a mother. She’s had a moment to process it now and she wants this. She truly does.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben wakes to the morning sun hitting his bare back. He groans and stretches his arm out, expecting it to hit Rey’s body. When it doesn’t connect with anything, he runs his hand across the sheets, only to realise that the bed is empty. His eyes shoot open as he looks around the room. He notices a small note on her pillow, written in her appalling handwriting.

 

**_Be back soon xx_ **

****

He smiles at the two kisses, planning on returning those when she comes back. He rolls over and checks his phone- no messages. He hears the front door open and he jumps out of bed to go greet Rey.

 

She is placing the coffees and brown paper bags on the bench when he sees her. He strides across the room and wraps her up into his arms. She hugs him back tightly.

 

“Where have you been?” He murmurs while peeking at her purchases.

 

“Just went to get us a warm breakfast.”

 

“What’s the occasion?” He asks as he lets go of her to rummage through the bags.  

 

“Nothing. Can’t I just spoil my fiancé?” She teases.

 

“That’s my job.” Ben pouts and kisses her forehead.

 

“I’m just going to freshen up a bit, have a shower.” Rey says quickly. Ben looks at her quizzically. Sure she still had her bed head, and she is dressed in his clothes but surely it could wait until after breakfast.  

 

“You okay?” He asks.

 

“Yep.” She responds.

 

“Okay.” He says suspiciously but chooses not to press the matter.

 

He watches her walk down the hallway and he doesn’t move until he hears the shower running. He stands there for a moment, running through every possibility he could think of. Had he said something? Had someone said something to her? Panicking, he runs into their bedroom after her. He sits on the corner of the bed gawking at the door, waiting for her to come out.

 

He hears the shower stop running and he digs his nails into his palms nervously. What if he had said something? He’s not sure she can forgive him again, there’s only so many times you can forgive someone, even if you do love them. The door handle twists and Rey emerges several moments later. There is no way she could’ve gotten dressed that quickly.

 

Her eyes widen when she sees him sitting on the bed but quickly composes herself. Ben rises from the bed and shuffles over to her. He grabs her chin, lifting her eyes to his. He studies her face for a moment.

 

“Are you sure you’re fine?” He frowns and rubs his thumb gently over her bottom lip.

 

“Absolutely perfect.” She beams and Ben relaxes slightly.

 

“Okay, well I’m just going to go to the toilet and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” He says quickly. Not that the apartment had another toilet which he could’ve used but he needed an excuse to go into this bathroom. She was in there for a reason, she was doing something.

 

Rey visibly gulps and nods as Ben closes the door.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey braces herself as she stands in the bedroom. She isn’t going to leave and meet him in the kitchen. In fact, this is part of the plan. She knew Ben was suspicious from the moment she walked back through the door.

 

She’s waiting for him to see it. To see the positive pregnancy test which she had purposely left on the bathroom sink.

 

Seconds later the bathroom door is flung open and Ben emerges, his eyes wild. His eyes lock on hers, his mouth slightly agape. The pregnancy test stick is dwarfed in his hand.

 

“Rey are you? Are we?” He questions unintelligently, struggling to find the words.

 

“Yes.” She nods.

 

Rey watches in baited breath as Ben’s face changes from confusion to complete and utter joy. His smile is so wide, she’s sure it must be hurting his cheeks. He surges forward and scoops her into his arms. She grins at him as he spins her around, peppering kisses on every inch of her face. She giggles as they collapse onto the bed.

 

Ben wraps his arms around her tightly as he kisses her fervently. He pulls away from her and looks down between them, at her belly. He wiggles down her body and places his cheek against her clothed stomach. His hand rests against her hip. Rey smiles widely as she watches him, running her fingers through his hair. This moment right here, this is everything.

 

“I hope she doesn’t get my ears.” He mumbles.

 

“I love your ears.” Rey giggles and runs her fingertips across the shell of them. She never understood why he was insecure about them.

 

 “She?” Rey says after a moment.

 

“We’re definitely having a girl.” Ben answers confidently.

 

“We’ll see.” Rey responds unconvinced, still quite certain that they will be having a boy.

 

“I’m always right and you know it.” He teases and he slides his hand under her shirt, gently rubbing circles over her stomach. Rey hums contently.

 

“I love you.” Rey says softly.

 

“Love you too.” His voice is tender as he curls into her. Rey looks down at him, memorizing every detail of this moment so that she can remember it always.

 

* * *

 

 

**_4 months later…_ **

 

Rey lays on the examination table; Ben stands by her side as they process what the doctor had just told them. His hand is intertwined with hers as they watch the fuzzy grey screen. She looks up at him in joy as the doctor removes the ultrasound probe from her belly. She watches a single tear roll down his cheek as he looks back to the screen.

 

“I told you I’m always right.” He smirks and Rey rolls her eyes.

 

They can finally see her. There she is- their baby girl. Rey laughs and she feels a dampness on her cheeks. But for the first time in a long time, these are happy tears. Ben bends down and captures her lips. It’s slow, tender, loving. It’s a promise of forever.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my best mates is pregnant at the moment and she is always going on about how horny she is. I thought it would be hilarious to incorporate it. 
> 
> Desk smut is a call back to [Chapter 16](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13502428/chapters/33027945)
> 
>  
> 
> We all know Rey and Ben would be fantastic parents. I pray it comes true in canon.
> 
> well here's where I say goodbye. Bye, my lovely, fellow shippers. May the force be with you, always.


End file.
